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Happy Birthday America
Published July 02, 2014 79k views More Info »

1

(INTERPOSING VOICES)

2

(LAUGHTER)

3

SHH, SHH... EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
THEY'RE COMING. LET'S HIDE.

4

(ON THE PHONE) I MEAN,
I THOUGHT SODAS WERE FREE

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AT MOVIES, SO THAT'S MY BAD.

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(EVERYONE): SURPRISE!

7

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA.

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238 YEARS YOUNG RIGHT?

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I READ YOUR WIKIPEDIA PAGE.

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(PEOPLE LAUGH)

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LET'S HAVE A TOAST.

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TO AMERICA.

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WE NEVER AGREE WITH YOU,
BUT YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR

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US RIGHT.

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HERE, HERE.

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(CROWD CHEERS ON)

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YEAH, LET'S RAISE OUR GLASSES
AND SHAKE OUR ASSES.

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(MUSIC PLAYS)

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(GUEST SCREAMS)

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(TOILET FLUSHING)

24

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OOH GOD, AMERICA DROPPED
A BOMB IN HERE.

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I ORGANIZED THIS WHOLE
ENTIRE PARTY, INVITED

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ALL OF HIS FRIENDS, GOT ALL
THIS PARTY SHIT WITH STARS

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ALL OVER IT, AND HE DOESN'T
EVEN GIVE ME ONE THANK YOU.

29

YIKES. THAT'S ENTITLED.

30

YES. IT'S ENTITLED, IT'S SUPER
SELF ABSORBED, BUT I--

31

GET FLORIDA OUT OF MY FACE!

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DID YOU SEE THAT?

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I WOULD RATHER HAVE A DIRTY
FUCKING DICK IN MY FACE THAN

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FLORIDA.

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LIVING IN AMERICA.

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OOW. I WILL RIP IT OFF OF YOU.

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I JUST LOVE IT THAT THERE'S FIREWORKS
AT AMERICA'S BIRTHDAY.

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(GUN SHOTS GO OFF)

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(LAUGHS) AMERICA SURE
DOES LOVES IT'S GUNS.

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HEY AMERICA YOU'RE SO RUDE.
YOU CAN'T... GIMME THAT...

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MARY, CAREFUL.

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HEY LET'S TAKE A SHOT FOR
EVERY DICK PIC ANTHONY

45

WEINER SENT TO MY MOTHER.
THERE WERE 3.

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(DOOR CLOSES)

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OH SHIT.

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RUSSIA. G-GET...

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YOU CANNOT JUST SHOW UP HERE
LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED

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BETWEEN YOU AND THE UKRAINE.

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YEAH.

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(WHISPERS) WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED
WITH THE UKRAINE?

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I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER EXACTLY
BUT IT'S SOMETHING BAD.

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ROCK ON!

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- (SOLO OF AMERICAN GRACE)
- AMAZING GRACE

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HOW SWEET THE SOUND

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THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME

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I ONCE WAS LOST BUT
NOW I AM FOUND

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WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE

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