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Happy Birthday America
Published July 02, 2014 82k views More Info »

(INTERPOSING VOICES)
(LAUGHTER)
SHH, SHH... EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
THEY'RE COMING. LET'S HIDE.
(ON THE PHONE) I MEAN,
I THOUGHT SODAS WERE FREE
AT MOVIES, SO THAT'S MY BAD.
(EVERYONE): SURPRISE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA.
YEARS YOUNG RIGHT?
I READ YOUR WIKIPEDIA PAGE.
(PEOPLE LAUGH)
LET'S HAVE A TOAST.
TO AMERICA.
WE NEVER AGREE WITH YOU,
BUT YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR
US RIGHT.
HERE, HERE.
(CROWD CHEERS ON)
YEAH, LET'S RAISE OUR GLASSES
AND SHAKE OUR ASSES.
(MUSIC PLAYS)
(GUEST SCREAMS)
(TOILET FLUSHING)
OOH GOD, AMERICA DROPPED
A BOMB IN HERE.
I ORGANIZED THIS WHOLE
ENTIRE PARTY, INVITED
ALL OF HIS FRIENDS, GOT ALL
THIS PARTY SHIT WITH STARS
ALL OVER IT, AND HE DOESN'T
EVEN GIVE ME ONE THANK YOU.
YIKES. THAT'S ENTITLED.
YES. IT'S ENTITLED, IT'S SUPER
SELF ABSORBED, BUT I--
GET FLORIDA OUT OF MY FACE!
DID YOU SEE THAT?
I WOULD RATHER HAVE A DIRTY
FUCKING DICK IN MY FACE THAN
FLORIDA.
LIVING IN AMERICA.
OOW. I WILL RIP IT OFF OF YOU.
I JUST LOVE IT THAT THERE'S FIREWORKS
AT AMERICA'S BIRTHDAY.
(GUN SHOTS GO OFF)
(LAUGHS) AMERICA SURE
DOES LOVES IT'S GUNS.
HEY AMERICA YOU'RE SO RUDE.
YOU CAN'T... GIMME THAT...
MARY, CAREFUL.
HEY LET'S TAKE A SHOT FOR
EVERY DICK PIC ANTHONY
WEINER SENT TO MY MOTHER.
THERE WERE 3.
(DOOR CLOSES)
OH SHIT.
RUSSIA. G-GET...
YOU CANNOT JUST SHOW UP HERE
LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED
BETWEEN YOU AND THE UKRAINE.
YEAH.
(WHISPERS) WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED
WITH THE UKRAINE?
I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER EXACTLY
BUT IT'S SOMETHING BAD.
ROCK ON!
- (SOLO OF AMERICAN GRACE)
- AMAZING GRACE
HOW SWEET THE SOUND
THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME
I ONCE WAS LOST BUT
NOW I AM FOUND
WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE

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