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Did you know it's hard for major league baseball daddies to get R-E-S-P-E-C-T when... more »
Published April 08, 2014 36k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

(ERIN): THIS IS

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER): THROWING SHADE.

3

(BRYAN): WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

(ERIN): AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

(BRYAN): TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES
AND POLITICS,

6

(ERIN): AND POP CULTURE,

7

(BRYAN) AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH
LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

8

(ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

9

BRYAN, HAVE YOU WATCHED THIS SHOW LOOKING?

10

I HAVE, AND IT'S GREAT, AND
I'M GLAD YOU'VE GOT THE

11

COMMEMORATIVE MUG.

12

WE'RE DOING PRODUCT
PLACEMENT NOW.

13

WE ARE.

14

FOR SHOWS THAT ARE ALREADY
ON THE AIR.

15

AND SHOWS THAT HAVE ABSOLUTELY
NOT ASKED US TO.

16

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

17

IT'S SO NICE TO BE
IN THIS HOT BOX OF A STUDIO WHERE

18

THERE'S NO AC RUNNING.

19

NO.

20

IT'S 90 DEGREES OUTSIDE, AND
YOU'RE DRINKING A HOT TEA.

21

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
IF YOU DRINK SOMETHING

22

HOT YOU'LL BE LESS HOT.

23

-OOH...
-YEAH.

24

YOU KNOW, I HATE HOT DRINKS.
I HATE THEM , HATE THEM--

25

I KNOW YOU DO, THAT'S WHY
TRY TO GET YOU TO DRINK

26

THEM ALL THE TIME, AND YOU
WON'T DO IT.

27

-THERE'S SOMETHING--
-EVEN IN THE WINTER.

28

I COULD LIKE GAG THINKING ABOUT
IT. IT'S SO GROSS

29

TO BE LIKE, UM-YUM, YUM, YUM,
WAKE UP, YOU PUT ON YOUR

30

KRISS KROSS, AND YOU GET
WARMED UP FOR THE DAY.

31

OH YOU JUMP, JUMP?

32

YEAH, EXACTLY.

33

KRISS KROSS WILL MAKE YOU JUMP, JUMP.

34

EXACTLY, SO I PUT ON MY KRISS
EVERY MORNING.

35

(ERIN): THE WIGGITY-WIGGITY-WIGGITY WACK DADDY?

36

THEN I DO CROSS STITCH AS I'M
WAKING UP. AND I WAKE UP,

37

GET MY MOUTH READY FOR ALL
MY TALKING, AND THEN UM--

38

ARE YOU THE MACK DADDY OR THE
DADDY MACK?

39

-I THINK I'M THE DADDY MACK.
-OK. YEAH.

40

I WOULD DO MACK DADDY.

41

-YEAH.
-YEAH.

42

ISN'T THAT FUNNY?

43

BECAUSE I'M WIGGITY-WIGGITY-WIGGITY WACK.

44

ACTUALLY, DID YOU LEGITIMATELY
PICK MACK DADDY?

45

YEAH.

46

I WOULD LEGITIMATELY
PICK DADDY MACK.

47

YEAH. EXACTLY.

48

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS,
BUT IT MEANS A LOT.

49

YOU LIKE MACK TRUCKS, AND THAT'S
WHY YOU PICKED THAT ONE.

50

I DO, AND YOU LIKE MCDONALDS.

51

YEAH. THAT'S WHY.

52

IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE.

53

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND? DID YOU
GO TO THE CIRCUS, OR GO TO THE MOON?

54

I DID ACTUALLY GO TO BOTH OF THOSE
THINGS AT MY

55

GRANPA'S 90TH BIRTHDAY PARTY.

56

THEN YOU DID GO TO BOTH THINGS THEN.

57

SO I SAW MY COUSINS.

58

-90?
-90.

59

WOW.

60

90 YEARS OLD.

61

IF ANYONE SAID TO ME WHEN I WAS 90-- MORE LIKE 90 YEARS YOUNG,

62

I WOULD SHOOT THEM SUCH A LOOK
THAT WOULD TURN THEM TO STONE.

63

HONESTLY, IT WAS MY NIGHTMARE,
BECAUSE I JUST SAW

64

ALL THE GIFTS HE WAS GETTING,
AND I THINK HE WAS VERY APPRECIATIVE,

65

BUT HIS NEIGHBOR IN THE DESERT
GAVE HIM A MUG WITH

66

FLOWERS PAINTED ON IT, AND I WOULD'VE
JUST THROWN IT AT HER.

67

WELL THIS IS ALL I'M GOING TO SAY
FOR MY 90TH BIRTHDAY.

68

THERE'S GOING TO BE A SIGN
ON MY DOOR, AND IT SAYS,

69

WARNING, YE WHO ENTER
THE BIRTHDAY

70

YOU NEED TO KNOW TO KNOW
THESE THINGS.

71

YEAH YOU SHOULD-- I'M GLAD YOU'RE
THINKING ABOUT THIS NOW, BECAUSE

72

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WOULD FLY
WHEN YOU'RE 90.

73

NUMBER 1, UNLESS BITCH IS BRINGING
ME A NEW LEG.

74

THIS 90 YEAR OLD BITCH, I'M
NOT INTERESTED.

75

I WANT NEW LEGS--

76

I CAN'T WAIT TILL YOU'RE OLD.

77

I WANT NEW LEGS, AND I WANT
A NEW HEART, AND I WANT A NEW FACE.

78

YOU MEAN YOU WANT--

79

AND I WANT MY EARS TO SHRINK,
BACK TO HOW THEY WERE WHEN

80

I WAS 40.

81

YEAH, YOU DO GET BIGGER EARS.

82

YEAH. AND I WANT THE NOSE HAIRS
OUT OF MY NOSE.

83

YOU CAN DO THAT NOW--

84

SO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. COME ON IN ONE
AND ALL, IF YE DARE, WITH MY LEGS.

85

YEAH.

86

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

87

THAT'S ALL GOING
TO BE ON THE DOOR.

88

THEY WERE TAKING PICTURES OF
ALL OF US, AND HE WAS LIKE--

89

LIKE, GLAMOR? LIKE--

90

YEAH. GLAMOR SHOTS. WE WERE
DOING BOAS. I SAID GRANDPA

91

YOU WANNA DO A BOA, AND SOME
EYELINER?

92

HE WAS LIKE, NO. I WAS LIKE,
YOU CAN'T WALK, SO YOU DON'T

93

HAVE A CHOICE.

94

NOTHINGS FUNNIER, THAN AN OLD
MAN IN A WIG, AND A BOA.

95

PUTTING OLD PEOPLE IN CLOTHES
IS JUST LIKE PUTTING DOGS

96

IN CLOTHES. THEY CAN'T SAY NO.

97

THEY CAN'T SAY NO.

98

THERE'S NO CONSENT.

99

THEY LIKE TO PUT ON THE GIANT
HAT SOMBRERO AT SENIOR
FROGS, AND TAKE PICTURES

100

ABSOLUTELY. DOGS AND OLD
PEOPLE LOVE IT.

101

LOVE IT. I HAD A VERY COSMOPOLITAN WEEKEND.

102

YOU DID?

103

ART EXHIBITS. I WENT TO GO SEE THE
POLLOCK MURAL.

104

JACKSON POLLOCK?

105

AT THE GETTY. THE MURAL THAT HE HAD
IN PEGGY GUGGENHEIM'S

106

ENTRY WAY. WHICH IS LIKE, ONE OF THE
MOST IMPORTANT

107

WORKS OF ART IN AMERICA. AND SO
I SAW THAT, AND EVERYONE

108

WAS LIKE, OH MY GOD. DO
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

109

I TOOK ALL MY NOTES.

110

YOU CALL IT THE MURAL?

111

IT'S CALLED A D'MURAL. YEAH.

112

OK.

113

THE JACKSON POLLOCK MURAL.

114

BUT IT'S NOT JUST CALLED THE MURAL.

115

IT IS CALLED THE MURAL.

116

BUT YOU CALL IT THE JACKSON
POLLOCK-- IT'S LIKE--

117

IT'S CALLED JACKSON
POLLOCK'S MURAL.

118

ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT LIKE,
YOU KNOW, TYLER PERRY'S MADEA?

119

WELL THAT WAS THE
MURAL NEXT DOOR.

120

OH, OKAY.

121

SO I SAW THE MURAL. WE WALKED
OUT, AND WENT, HUH,

122

HUH-HUH, HUH-HUH, HUH, BECAUSE
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT

123

-FOR A LITTLE BIT OF TIME.
-WHO DID YOU GO WITH?

124

-THE PERSON THAT
I'VE BEEN ON DATES WITH.
-MM-HMM.

125

AND, WE BOTH WALKED OUT, AND
WERE LIKE, OH WHAT I LIKED

126

WAS BLANK, WHAT I LIKED WAS BLANK.

127

THEN YOU WERE LIKE, "LET'S GO IN, AND
LET'S FINGER EACH OTHER'S

128

BUTTS IN FRONT OF IT, BECAUSE
YOU KNOW HOW YOU'RE LIKE A

129

REAL-- YOU'RE LIKE OUT THERE.
YOU'RE LIKE INTO

130

PERFORMANCE ART.

131

YEAH. I REALLY AM.

132

NO. WE DIDN'T DO ANY OF THAT.

133

THAT'S WHAT JACKSON POLLOCK DID.
DIDN'T HE PUT PAINT

134

IN HIS BUTT, AND HE JUST POOPED
IT ALL OVER. THAT'S NOT

135

FROM A PAINT BRUSH.

136

-OH, IT'S NOT.
-NO

137

- MM-HMM
-NO.

138

I AM ALSO READING GOING CLEAR.

139

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT HAS TO
DO WITH MY JACKSON POLLOCK--

140

OH IT WAS JUST A FULL CHANGE
OF SUBJECT.

141

WHAT'S GOING
CLEAR, ABOUT PEE'ING CLEAR?

142

NO, THE BOOK ON SCIENTOLOGY.

143

WHY ARE YOU READING IT?

144

BECAUSE I HAVE TO DECIDE RATHER
OR NOT IF I'M GOING TO JOIN.

145

I STILL HAVEN'T MADE UP MY MIND.

146

WELL I HAVE THE
ANSWER, IT'S YES.

147

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL PUT THE BOOK DOWN.
EVERYTHING JUST SOUNDED

148

SO NICE ABOUT IT.

149

-GOING CLEAR.
-YEAH.

150

YOUR LIKE THE ALIENS IN THAT MOVIE...
WHERE THEY HAVE THE BUBBLE HEADS.

151

YEAH. MM-HMM.

152

MARS ATTACKS.

153

(ERIN): YOU KNOW HOW THEY HAVE SEE
THROUGH BODIES?

154

(BRYAN): WELL, YEAH. THE RELIGION AS
YOU KNOW IS CALLED SCIENTOLOGY COLON, WE

155

STOLE IT FROM MARS ATTACKS.

156

-YEAH.
-YEAH.

157

158

THE NEW YORK METS.

159

YEP.

160

YOU'VE HEARD OF THEM.

161

OH, QUEENS.

162

QUEENS YEAH.

163

NO, I MEAN. I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THEY PLAY, BUT THEY

164

ARE ALL A BUNCH OF QUEENS.

165

YEAH. EXACTLY. THEIR 2ND BASEMAN, AND
THAT'S THE GUY WHO

166

WORKS AT THE 2ND BASE.

167

I'M NOT-- WHO WORKS THERE?

168

-YEAH.
-HE DOES?

169

HE CLOCKS IN, AND HE'S LIKE,
"HERE FOR WORK.", AND THEN HE STANDS

170

ON THE BASE, AND HE TAKES ORDERS
AND STUFF. UM, AND THEN

171

HE CLOCKS OUT. SO, THEIR
2ND BASEMAN DANIEL MURPHY,

172

TOOK PATERNITY LEAVE FOR A FEW
DAYS, AND EVERYONE

173

HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT.

174

OH, WELL IT'S VERY LAZY.

175

OH, SO LAZY.

176

GREAT, YOU HAD A KID. DON'T YOU
HAVE A WIFE?

177

THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR
EVERYBODY. HELLO.

178

SEE BASICALLY-- YOU'RE BASICALLY
TELLING MY STORY.

179

PATERNITY LEAVE-- AM I PATERNITY
TO LEAVE?

180

GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR A
LITTLE BIT. LEAVING

181

THE KIDS AT HOME?
THAT'S MY LEAVE.

182

THAT'S NOT YOUR QUESTION.

183

-PATERNITY LEAVE?
-JUST KEEP SAYING IT.

184

PATERNITY LEAVE HIM AT HOME.

185

PATERNITY LEAVE HIM AT HOME.

186

WHO IS PATERNITY?

187

ALL OF US.

188

OK, GREAT. SO, MIKE FRANCESA,
WHO IS A SPORTS TALK DJ.

189

(BRYAN): I LOVE THAT-- WITH THAT
NAME WHAT ELSE COULD YOU BE?

190

-FRANCESA?
-MIKE FRANCESA.

191

MIKE FRANCESA, WFAN NEW YORK.

192

I LOVE IT.

193

YOU LOVE IT. HE WENT ON HIS
SHOW TO AIR HIS PROBLEM WITH THE

194

METS PLAYER FOR LEAVING THE
GAME TO BE WITH HIS WIFE WHO

195

JUST POOPED OUT A BABY.

196

-RIGHT.
-AND HE SAID THIS ABOUT--

197

YOU REALLY-- YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO
WORK OUT ANALLY. I CAN'T

198

EVEN GO THERE WITH YOU.

199

YOU REALLY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING--

200

-I'M SCARED OF MY OWN BUTT.
-YEAH.

201

MIKE FRANCESA SAID, (NEW YORK ACCENT)
"I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU
NEED 3 DAYS OFF.

202

YOU SEE THE BIRTH, AND YOU GET
BACK, BECAUSE YOUR

203

WIFE DOESN'T NEED YOUR HELP
THE FIRST COUPLE OF DAYS.

204

WHY DO YOU NEED TO EVEN TAKE
10 DAYS OFF? WHAT ARE YOU

205

EVEN DOING?"

206

SO, I HAVE SOME THINGS THAT HE
COULD PROBABLY BE DOING.

207

MM-HMM.

208

HOLDING A BABY. BEING A DAD.
GETTING HIS WIFE ICE.

209

GETTING HIS WIFE FOOD. UM, SEEING
HIS FAMILY.

210

SEWING UP HER VAGINA.

211

I DOUBT HE WOULD DO THAT.

212

YOU SHOULD GOOGLE STAGE 4
VAGINAL CARE.

213

I DON'T WANT TO, AND I DOUBT
THAT HE WOULD DO THAT.

214

OK, WELL I DON'T THINK FRANCESA
IS A FATHER WHO

215

REALLY UNDERSTANDS FATHERHOOD.
I FEEL BAD FOR

216

HIS WIFE, AND KIDS. UM, AND HE
WASN'T THE ONLY PERSON

217

TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE MURPHY'S
PATERNITY LEAVE.

218

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MURPHY BROWN STILL?

219

-MURPHY BROWN YEAH.
-OK.

220

GREG CARLTON, FROM THE CBS
SHOW BOOMER AND CARLTON--

221

UHH, I THINK I SAW EVERY EPISODE
OF THAT SHOW.

222

(ERIN): BOOMER AND CARLTON?

223

(BRYAN): EVERY SINGLE ONE.

224

(ERIN): YEAH. SOMEONE ON THE SHOW
SAID THAT AS LONG AS YOU SEE
THAT MOM AND BABY

225

ARE FINE, AFTER ONE DAY, IT'S
TIME TO GET YOUR ASS BACK TO WORK.

226

-MMH.
-YEAH, YOU KNOW.

227

THAT WAS CARLTON WHO SAID THAT.
BOOMER SAID, HE ACTUALLY

228

GIVES SOME MEDICAL ADVICE.

229

OH THAT'S GOOD.

230

HE SAID, "QUITE FRANKLY I WOULD'VE SAID
C-SECTION

231

BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS. I NEED
TO BE AT OPENING DAY.

232

SO SORRY, THIS IS
WHAT MAKES ARE MONEY."

233

SO I LOVE THE PHRASE--

234

OH GOD--

235

I LOVE THE PHRASE, "THIS IS
WHAT MAKES ARE MONEY."

236

YEAH, AHEAD OF A HUMAN LIFE.

237

A HUMAN LIFE, YEAH.

238

AND HE WENT ON TO APOLOGIZE.
HE SAID, "I WAS NOT TELLING

239

WOMAN WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR BODIES.
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

240

THAT'S THEIR DECISION. THAT'S THEIR
LIFE, AND THEY KNOW THEIR

241

BODIES BETTER THAN I DO."

242

GOOD APOLOGY ACTUALLY.

243

IT'S NOT AN APOLOGY.

244

THAT WAS A DISGUSTING THING
TO SAY, BUT GOOD APOLOGY.

245

HERE'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THE
APOLOGY, APOLOGI. HERE'S WHAT

246

I DON'T LIKE ABOUT THE APOLOGI.

247

MM-HMM. THE GIFT OF THE APOLOGI.

248

OH I LOVE-- YEAH, IT'S A BLANKET.
SPOILER ALERT.

249

SO HE-- HE DID APOLOGIZE FOR TALKING
ABOUT C-SECTIONS SPECIFICALLY,

250

BUT IT KIND OF MISSES THE
POINT, WHERE WHY ARE YOU GIVING

251

THIS PERSON A HARD TIME FOR MISSING
OUT ON THIS BIRTH?

252

WHY ARE YOU, LIKE-- HE NEVER
SAID LIKE, "WELL I THINK

253

-THAT'S PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE FOR
A BASEBALL PLAYER--
-YES.

254

--TO TAKE TIME OFF, TO SPEND
TIME WITH THEIR CHILD.

255

YES.

256

THAT WAS NEVER SAID. IT WAS
JUST LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO

257

TELL WOMAN TO HAVE C-SECTIONS.
GREAT, POINT NOTED.

258

THAT'S KIND OF NOT WHAT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT, BUT I THINK

259

IT IS IMPORTANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT DADS KNOW THAT THEY

260

BARE THE BRUNT OF DADDY
ISSUES, AND IF THEIR CHILDREN

261

HAVE DADDY ISSUES, IT'S BECAUSE
THE DADDY DID THE ISSUES.

262

IN THIS CASE
THEY BARE THE BUNT.

263

OH, BECAUSE OF BASEBALL.

264

BASEBALL. (LAUGHS)

265

THAT'S WHAT MY-- IT'S SO FUNNY,
BECAUSE MY BOOK

266

IS CALLED BARING THE BUNT, AND
IT'S ALL ABOUT BUM MOVES.

267

OH, I THOUGHT IT
WAS ABOUT BUNT CAKES?

268

WELL THAT-- THE FIRST CHAPTER
WAS CALLED BUNT CAKES,

269

AND THERE'S PICTURES OF BUNT
CAKES.

270

-AND THE 2ND ONE'S CALLED BASEBALL--
-THE 2ND CHAPTER'S CALLED
BUNT MOVES.

271

SO IF ANYBODY WHO WANTS BASEBALL
TIPS THEY HAVE TO GET THROUGH

272

BUNT CAKES.

273

YEAH.

274

-YOU CAN'T SKIP. YOU CAN'T SKIP--
-YES YOU CAN.

275

NO, YOU CAN'T SKIP AHEAD.

276

ONCE YOU SELL IT, AND ONCE YOU GET
SOMEONE'S MONEY, YOU DON'T

277

HAVE CONTROL OVER THE BOOK ANYMORE.

278

EXCUSE ME. RANDOM HOUSE?

279

YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING, A
RANDOM HOUSE. YOU'RE NOT SAYING

280

THE PUBLISHER--

281

THERE'S A RANDOM HOUSE, THAT IS
PUBLISHING MY BOOK.

282

THEY'RE LOVELY LADIES.

283

IT'S A BOARDED UP, 2 STORY
VICTORIAN.

284

YES. ABSOLUTELY. IT SMELLS LIKE
UM, WHATEVER HEROIN SMELLS LIKE.

285

CAT PEE--

286

BUT THE POINT IS THIS--

287

SO WAIT, HOLD ON, TWO OLD LADIES WHO
ARE SELLING HEROIN

288

IN A BOARDED UP VICTORIAN HOUSE,
THAT'S WHO'S PUBLISHING--

289

THEY'RE PUBLISHING
BARING THE BUNT.

290

OH WELL, NEVER MIND. PEOPLE CAN DO
WHAT THEY WANT WITH THAT BOOK.

291

(LAUGHS) YES.

292

293

WE HAVE ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL
WOMAN'S ADVOCATES,

294

YEP.

295

-LAWYERS. UM, POLITICAL FIRECRACKER...
-YEP.

296

OK.

297

ENEMY OF RUSH LIMBAUGH.

298

CAN WE GET TO HER, BECAUSE I
FEEL LIKE WE'RE WATCHING A ONE
WOMAN'S SHOW.

299

SANDRA FLUKE.

300

HI, GUYS.

301

-WELCOME
-THANKS FOR COMING.

302

(SANDRA): THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

303

304

YOU CAME TO THE COUNTRY'S ATTENTION
IN 2012,

305

WHEN THE HOUSE REPUBLICANS SAID--
I GUESS YOU WANTED

306

TO TALK ABOUT A CONTRACEPTIVE
MANDATE FOR INSURANCE RIGHT.

307

YES.

308

AND HOUSE REPUBLICANS WERE LIKE,
"YOU CAN'T SPEAK HERE."

309

MM-HMM.

310

SO, I GUESS MY QUESTION--

311

THEY ACTUALLY USED THE HAND.

312

THEY WERE LIKE, "ABSOLUTELY
NOT, LADY." AND THEN THEY

313

DID BEYONCÉ RIGHT AFTERWARDS.

314

DEFINITELY.

315

AS A MAN, I DON'T KNOW THAT
MUCH ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL,

316

BUT AS A MAN, DOESN'T THAT MEAN I
KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO?

317

WELL, MEN KNOW MORE ABOUT EVERYTHING
THAN WOMAN, SO

318

I THINK YOUR LOGIC IS FLAWLESS.

319

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

320

DEFINITELY.

321

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE BIGGEST
PROBLEM REPUBLICAN MEN

322

HAVE WITH BIRTH CONTROL? IS IT
THE FACT THAT WOMAN

323

HAVE SEX? OR IS IT JUST THAT THEY
WANT TO EXERT POWER?

324

I THINK THAT THE PROBLEM THAT
WE ARE FACING IN THIS COUNTRY

325

IS THAT WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH
FOLKS WHO UNDERSTAND THE

326

REAL HEALTH CONSEQUENCES OF
THESE DEBATES, AND THE REAL IMPACT

327

ON PEOPLE'S LIVES. SERIOUSLY.
AND THAT'S WHY IT'S SO

328

IMPORTANT THAT TYPICAL EVERY
DAY FOLKS BE ABLE SPEAK OUT

329

AND SHARE THEIR STORIES,
BECAUSE IT REALLY DOES

330

CHANGE THE CONVERSATION.

331

SO, HUGE NEWS. YOU'RE RUNNING
FOR A SENATE SEAT IN CALIFORNIA.

332

I AM.

333

WHICH IS VERY EXCITING.

334

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

335

UM, WELL, MY FIRST QUESTION
IS HAVE YOU PICKED OUT THE

336

CHAIR THAT YOU'RE GOING TO SIT IN YET?

337

(LAUGHS) I ACTUALLY DID AN
INTERVIEW RECENTLY, AND A

338

LIKE MOLDING ORNATE THRONE. IT
WAS LIKE A IN THE CHAIR INTERVIEW.

339

SO, I THINK THAT ONE IS PROBABLY A
FRONT RUNNER AT THE MOMENT.

340

OH, THAT'S GOOD.

341

YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT THE GAME
OF THRONES, THRONE.

342

OOH...

343

LIKE JUST FULL SWORDS.

344

YEAH...

345

HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN A FEMINIST?

346

NO.

347

I GREW UP IN A REALLY CONSERVATIVE
PLACE.

348

UM, VERY SOCIALLY CONSERVATIVE
ALSO PRETTY

349

ECONOMICALLY CHALLENGED, AND
THEY'RE STILL KIND OF

350

SCRATCHING THEIR HEADS, TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT WHAT

351

WENT WRONG WITH ME, HONESTLY.
BUT I SAW A LOT OF THINGS

352

THAT I DIDN'T AGREE WITH.
I SAW THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEM,

353

AND I SUPPOSE MY COMING OUT
AS IT WERE WAS COLLEGE, AND

354

FINDING THAT I COULD HAVE A
VOICE, I COULD STAND UP FOR

355

COMMUNITIES THAT I WAS CONCERNED
ABOUT, AND I COULD ACTUALLY

356

CREATE CHANGE.

357

DID YOU GET A LOT OF PUSHBACK
FROM LIKE YOUR FAMILY, AND

358

STUFF LIKE THAT WHEN YOU STARTED--

359

YEAH MY FAMILY AND I DON'T SEE
EYE TO EYE ON EVERYTHING.

360

UM, BUT THEY LOVE ME. THEY'RE
PROUD OF ME. THEY'RE SUPPORTIVE,

361

AND THAT'S KIND OF WHAT
MATTERS IN FAMILIES.

362

IS SILENCE GOLDEN?

363

-AS?
- OR DO YOU TALK ABOUT STUFF?

364

AT HOLIDAYS. SILENCE IS PRETTY GOLDEN.

365

I DON'T-- I NEVER UNDERSTAND
WHY POOR AREAS, ARE SO

366

CONSERVATIVE. SAME IN THE SOUTH.
WE'RE FROM TEXAS, AND

367

I JUST DON'T GET PEOPLE LIVING
IN SQUALOR, AND

368

VOTING FOR PEOPLE WHO I I FEEL LIKE
DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT.

369

WELL, I THINK IN SOME
COMMUNITIES, IT'S DIFFICULT TO

370

SEE THE RELATIVE ECONOMIC
DIFFERENCES WHEN YOU'RE LIVING

371

IN A TOWN WHERE THE TEACHERS
ARE THE ONES WHO ARE MAKING A LOT

372

OF MONEY. YOU DON'T SEE THE
DIFFERENCE, BUT PEOPLE ARE

373

VERY VALUES FOCUSED, AND VERY
PROUD OF THE WORK THAT THEY DO,

374

AND PROUD OF SUPPORTING THEIR
FAMILIES, AND I THINK THOSE OF US

375

WHO ARE PROGRESSIVES HAVE TO
START TALKING TO PEOPLE

376

IN A DIFFERENT WAY, BECAUSE
SAYING TO SOMEONE, "YOU NEED

377

OUR HELP. YOU NEED OUR HELP.
YOU NEED TO ACCEPT OUR HELP."

378

IS NOT-- THEY'RE NOT GOING TO
HEAR THAT.

379

YEAH.

380

UM, SO, IT'S MORE ABOUT WHAT
CAN WE ALL DO TOGETHER

381

TO LIFT EVERYONE UP. WHAT CAN
WE DO TO CHANGE THE ECONOMIC

382

FORTUNES OF THE COUNTRY AS A
WHOLE. SO THAT EVERYONE IS

383

SHARING IN PROSPERITY.

384

-I AGREE--
-THIS IS FUNNY RIGHT?

385

NO. I SCREAM, "YOU NEED MY HELP
TO EVERYONE I'M ABOUT

386

TO DATE." I JUST GO UP TO SOMEONE
AND SAY, "YOU

387

NEED MY HELP, YOU NEED MY HELP."
AND THEY GO, "HOW

388

ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME?"
AND THEN I'M STUMPED.

389

AND THEN THE POLICE COME.

390

AND THEN THE-- YEAH, THE POLICE
DO COME.

391

OKAY, SANDRA WE WANT TO PLAY
A GAME WITH YOU CALLED

392

SHADE OR NO SHADE.

393

YES.

394

WHERE WE RATTLE SOMETHING OFF
YOU SAY, "SHADE" IF YOU

395

DON'T LIKE IT, AND "NO SHADE"
IF YOU DO LIKE IT.

396

OK.

397

THE ANTI-VACCINATION MOVEMENT.

398

SHADE, SHADE, SHADE...

399

ANGELINA JOLIE AS MALEFICENT.

400

MM... NO SHADE.

401

I AGREE.

402

UM, THE SHOWBIZ PIZZA BEARS.

403

I'M A STRONG ENVIRONMENTALIST.

404

NEVER ANY SHADE ON THE BEARS.

405

OK. GREAT.

406

R2-D2 ON DANCING WITH THE STARS.

407

R2-D2 NO SHADE. LOVE R2-D2.

408

(LAUGHS)

409

GOOGLE ALERTS.

410

MMH... DEPENDS ON THE CONTENT.

411

OH.

412

DO YOU GOOGLE ALERT YOURSELF, AND YOUR CAMPAIGN?

413

NO, HONEY, I HAVE PEOPLE FOR THAT.

414

-YES.
-LOVE IT.

415

UH, THE SHOW CHIPS.

416

MMH... HALF SHADE.

417

VINTAGE RUGS.

418

NO SHADE.

419

TERRY RICHARDSON.

420

SHADE.

421

LADY GAGA GETTING PUKED ON
AT SOUTH BY SOUTH WEST.

422

ALWAYS AGAINST THE PUKE. SHADE.

423

JENNIFER ANISTON.

424

NO SHADE.

425

YEAH.

426

OKAY, SO PEOPLE WANT TO VOTE FOR YOU
WHICH SAY, EVERY ONE DOES.

427

I AM SO HOPING SO, YES.

428

THEY NEED TO REGISTER BY
MAY 19TH, IF THEY ARE NOT

429

ALREADY REGISTERED.

430

THAT'S RIGHT.

431

AND VOTING IS WHAT DAY.

432

JUNE 3RD. FIRST TUESDAY IN JUNE.

433

JUNE 3RD, YOU GO, YOU PUT
SANDRA'S NAME IN.

434

YOU PULL THE LEVER. YOU GO,
YOU GET YOUR STICKER, AND

435

THEN YOU GO HAVE A SMOOTHIE.

436

YOU GET YOUR STICKER, YEAH.

437

WHAT IS YOUR TWITTER HANDLE.

438

MY TWITTER HANDLE IS @SANDRAFLUKE

439

(BRYAN): WONDERFUL.

440

AND WHERE CAN PEOPLE FIND INFORMATION
ABOUT YOUR

441

CAMPAIGN AND, UH, GIVE YOU MONEY?

442

THEY CAN GO TO STANDWITHSANDRA.ORG.

443

WELL SANDRA, IT'S BEEN A PURE PLEASURE.

444

THANK YOU GUYS VERY MUCH.

445

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