Jill and Gary - Revenge of the Nerds

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GARY (O.C.)
Obviously, I'd be Venkman.

JILL (O.C.)
What--no way. You'd be Louis
Tully. Or Jeannine.

FADE IN:



EXT. BENCH - DAY
FADE IN:
SUPER: Saturday, 11:07 p.m.

Jill and GARY are on the bench. Platonic friends since
forever.

GARY
Whatever, if we were Goonies, you'd
be one of the Fratelli brother.

JILL
(pleased)
The one who sings.

GARY
No, the nerdy one. With glasses.

JILL
Come on. If we were Pretty in
Pink, you'd be Ducky.

GARY
Obvious.

JILL
(instantly, disappointed)
I know.

GARY
If we were Princess Bride, you'd be
the Six-Fingered Man.

JILL
You'd be the Albino.

GARY
Dammit. If we were Muppet Babies,
you'd be Nanny.

JILL
If we were ThunderCats, you'd be
Snarf.

GARY
I'd be Panthro, if anything.
(Jill shakes her head
solemnly)
Fine, if we were Gummi Bears, you'd
be one of the Ogres.

JILL
If were Danger Mouse you'd be
Ernest Penhold.

GARY
If we were MASK, you'd be Bruno
"Mad Dog" Sheppard.

JILL
If we were Captain Caveman, you'd
be Taffy.

GARY
If we were Care Bears, you'd be one
of the cousins.

JILL
If we were--wait, which cousin?

GARY
(savoring the death blow)
Cozy Heart Penguin.

JILL
UNCOOL!
(Gary gives her a quick,
It's out of my hands
gesture)
Alright, if we were LaBamba, you'd
be the older brother.

GARY
If we were Better off Dead, you'd
be the Paperboy.

JILL
You'd be Lane Meyers.

GARY
You'd be Ricky--wait for it--'S
mom.

JILL
If you--

GARY
(OVER her)
And if we were Monster Squad, you'd
be the little sister.

JILL
Um, she saved the world.

GARY
Crap, you're right.

JILL
(jumping in)
If we were Greatest American Hero,
you'd be Tony.

GARY
(offended)
I was born to be Pam!

JILL
Sorry.

AS WE FADE TO
BACK:

GARY
If we were Misfits of Science,
you'd be Dr. Billy Hayes.

JILL
He didn't even have any powers!

GARY
Well.