Drunk History
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Seth Morris: Lakers, uh, Vikings, uh, I think, I think Steelers? I, I don't even actually like sports, to be honest. I have to Google half this sh*t before I put it on.
Seth Morris: These are my work costumes. You know? I mean, I'll be whatever you want me to be.
James Pumphrey: Some people are like, scientists. And some people are even doctors. You know? But, I was born to bro out.
Tim Roth: I'm not a pimp, per se. Uh, a pimp would sell sex. I, I broker friendship. It's a commodity just like anything else. You know?
Tim Roth: I don't care Sergio. I told you, I don't care. You eat the fu**ing nachos, all right? I don't care if there's cheese on them. Untuck your shirt. And pop your collar.
Seth Morris: Do I look alright, Jerry?
Tim Roth: Oh, fu*k off.
Tim Roth: On you go.
Tim Roth: Your typical bro out involves your standard guy stuff. You know? Watching sports on the telly. Um, playing video games. Fart play. Smoking a little weed. That's a hundred and fifty dollars for the night. That's all in, that's the package. That's the starter package, and then it goes up from there, really.
Seth Morris: You know, it's a job. Is this what I thought I'd do with my life? No. Could I see myself doing something differently? At this point, I don't know.
Seth Morris: What's up man?
Man On Street: What's up?
Seth Morris: How you doing?
Man On Street: Doing good. You want to hang out?
Seth Morris: You a cop?
Man On Street: Nah, man.
James Pumphrey: I'm not the kind of guy who can have a nine to five. I love drinking beer. I love watching action movies and stuff, so, I mean, you know, it's good money. Beats having a real job.
James Pumphrey: And I had this other chick with my, with my stink and pinkin' going on over here.
Tim Roth: I mean, sure, it can be dangerous. Any job can be. [Police Sirens]
Seth Morris: I've blown out this shoulder a couple times from high fiveing. Uh, both knees from hacky sacking. I get a lot of hangovers.
James Pumphrey: I broke my nose once. I was doing a keg stand, and I was covered in soap, and don't ask, but... I get a lot of hangovers.
Seth Morris: Looks like I am going to dollar taco night. At Big Wayne's. [Whispering] Fu*k. [End Whisper] Make some money.
[Music Playing]
James Pumphrey: A wise man once said don't do something to make money. Do something that you love, and then you'll make money.
Tim Roth: Dude, talk to me. You talk to me. He doesn't want to pay you?
Seth Morris: I know I'm getting old. I know it's a little pathetic when I hang out with these guys.
Tim Roth: [Yelling] Fu**ing money!
James Pumphrey: Beat his a*s Jerry. Relax. Ugh.
Tim Roth: [Yelling] I told you to stay in a fu**ing [??]!
Tim Roth: It, it's an outrage. That it, it should be illegal.
Seth Morris: I don't know what the future holds. You know? I'd love to be a dad. I'd love to get married. Love to, you know, not have roommates. Whatever.
James Pumphrey: Hey, dude! You wanna play Madden? Whatever, dude.
[Music Playing]
Daniel Cirilo: It's this constant, endless fight.
Seth Morris: I'm sorry, bro. I, I gotta charge you extra if you bi*ch about your lady. Sorry.
Daniel Cirilo: Oh, yeah. Um, yeah. That's fine.
