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In the early 1900's, famed author James Joyce wrote dozens of love letters to his... more »
Published February 12, 2014 830 views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring: Dave Foley
Director/Concept by: Natalie Morales
Editor/Producer: Mars Rising
DP/Editor: Tom Lipka & Jon Enge
Producer: Ally Hord
Producer: Bette Bentley
Gaffer: Matt Sweeney
Production Design: Tricia Robertson
PA: Cole Macfarlane
Makeup By: Leigh Schwartz
Sound by: Ryan Kaiser
20 Funny Votes
3 Die Votes
825 Views
Published February 12, 2014

TO NORA.
TH OF DECEMBER, 1909, DUBLIN.
MY SWEET, NAUGHTY LITTLE [BEEP] BIRD.
HERE IS ANOTHER NOTE TO BUY PRETTY DRAWERS,
OR STOCKINGS, OR GARTERS.
MY WHOREST DRAWERS, LOVE, AND BE
SURE TO SPRINKLE THE LEGS OF THEM WITH
SOME NICE SCENT.
AND ALSO DISCOLOR THEM, JUST A LITTLE,
BEHIND.
YOU SEEM ANXIOUS TO KNOW HOW I RECEIVED
YOUR LETTER, WHICH YOU SAY IS WORSE THAN
MINE. HOW IS IT WORSE THAN MINE, LOVE?
YES, IT IS WORSE, IN ONE PART OR TWO.
I MEAN THE PART WHERE YOU SAY WHAT YOU WILL
DO WITH YOUR TONGUE.
I DON'T MEAN [BEEP] ME OFF.
AND IN THAT LOVELY WORD, YOU WRITE, SO
BIG AND UNDERLINED, YOU LITTLE BLAGGARD.
IT IS THRILLING TO HEAR THAT WORD, AND
ONE OR TWO OTHERS YOU HAVE NOT WRITTEN, ON A
GIRL'S LIPS, BUT I WISH YOU SPOKE OF YOURSELF,
AND NOT OF ME. WRITE ME A LONG, LONG LETTER, FULL
OF THAT AND OTHER THINGS.
ABOUT YOURSELF, DARLING. YOU KNOW NOW HOW TO GIVE ME
A [BEEP] STAND. TELL ME THE SMALLEST THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF.
SO LONG AS THEY ARE OBSCENE, AND SECRET, AND FILTHY.
WRITE NOTHING ELSE. LET EVERY SENTENCE BE FULL OF
DIRTY AND MODEST WORDS, AND SOUNDS. THEY ARE ALL
LOVELY TO HEAR, AND TO SEE ON PAPER EVEN,
BUT THE DIRTIEST ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL.
THE TWO PARTS OF YOUR BODY, WHICH DO DIRTY THINGS,
ARE THE LOVELIEST TO ME. I PREFER YOUR [BEEP], DARLING,
TO YOUR [BEEP], BECAUSE IT DOES SUCH A DIRTY THING.
I LOVE YOUR [BEEP], NOT SO MUCH BECAUSE IT IS THE PART I [BEEP],
BUT BECAUSE IT DOES ANOTHER DIRTY THING.
I COULD LIE, [BEEP] ALL DAY LOOKING AT THE DIVINE
WORD YOU WROTE, AND AT THE THING YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO WITH
YOUR TONGUE.
I WISH I COULD HEAR YOUR LIPS SPLUTTERING THOSE HEAVENLY
EXCITING FILTHY WORDS. SEE YOUR MOUTH MAKING DIRTY SOUNDS,
AND NOISES. FEEL YOUR BODY WRIGGLING UNDER ME.
HEAR AND SMELL THE DIRTY FAT GIRLISH FARTS GOING
POP, POP, OUT OF YOUR PRETTY BARE, GIRLISH BUM, AND
[BEEP], [BEEP], [BEEP], [BEEP], MY NAUGHTY LITTLE HOT [BEEP] BIRD'S
[BEEP] FOREVER.
I AM HAPPY NOW.
BECAUSE MY LITTLE WHORE TELLS ME SHE WANTS ME TO [BEEP]
HER ARSE-WAYS, AND WANTS ME TO [BEEP] HER MOUTH, AND WANTS TO UNBUTTON
ME, AND PULL OUT MY [BEEP] AND SUCK IT OFF LIKE A TEET.
MORE AND DIRTIER THAN THIS SHE WANTS TO DO,
MY LITTLE NAKED [BEEP].
MY NAUGHTY WRIGGLY LITTLE [BEEP].
MY SWEET, DIRTY LITTLE [BEEP].
GOOD NIGHT MY LITTLE [BEEP].
I AM GOING TO LIE DOWN, AND PULL AT MYSELF
UNTIL I [BEEP]. WRITE MORE, AND DIRTIER DARLING.
TICKLE YOUR LITTLE [BEEP] WHILE YOU WRITE
TO MAKE YOU SAY WORSE, AND WORSE.
WRITE THE DIRTY WORDS BIG, AND
UNDERLINE THEM, AND KISS THEM, AND HOLD THEM FOR A MOMENT
TO YOUR SWEET HEART [BEEP] DARLING.
AND ALSO, PULL UP YOUR DRESS A MOMENT, AND HOLD THEM
UNDER YOUR DEAR LITTLE FARTING BUM.
DO MORE, IF YOU WISH, AND SEND THE LETTER
TO ME.
MY DARLING, BROWN ARSED, [BEEP] BIRD.
JIM.
(SIGH)

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