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Full Credits

Written and Starring
Dylan Booth
David Brown
Anais Fairweather
Yesel Manrique
Mark Schroeder
Edited by
David Brown
Yesel Manrique
Mesothelioma
Director/Sound
Private Street
Boder Brothers
Director/DP
Nic Stanich
Sound
Bo Sundberg
Makeup
Jessica Leigh Schwartz
Charles Wills
Booty Call
Director - Marvin Bryan Lemus
Director of Photography - Erik Schneider
Sound - Chris Bennet for BoTown Sound
Pizza Prank
Director/Sound - Private Street
Crazy Cork
Director - Marvin Bryan Lemus
Director of Photography - Erik Schneider
Sound - Chris Bennet For BoTown Sound
Executive Producer - Matt Mazany
Special Thanks - Ryan Moulton

Transcript

[CAMERA SOUND]
[MUSIC]
[BOOK CLOSING] Hi, I'm Lawyer Dan.
People with Mesothelioma have a lot of
questions, how did I get this disease?
What are my treatment options?
And what the hell is Mesothelioma?
It's a scary word, isn't it?
Mesifelimona.
I'll say it one more time, Misofeliaromo.
Look, I'm not a doctor guy,
I'm a lawyer guy.
I don't have patients.
I have clients.
And I don't wear a doctor's jacket,
I wear a lawyer's suit.
Actually, it's a bunch of different suits.
I can't cure you of your messistealihoma,
but
I can get you immediate compensation now.
In the past,
I've gotten my clients fast cash for
ailments such as Medical Malpractice,
Avian Bird Flu, Helium Addiction,
Exploding Eye Syndrome, Infant Death,
and even Regular Adult Death.
So, yeah, I think I can handle
a little case of massive hemo-goblin.
So, pick up the phone now, and call my law
offices located on Mesofili Road, a bit
outside Pamona and talk to my sister, Thea
Ramona about your case of Mesohornyhomo.
Look, I get it.
It's not easy living with Mesosuperoma.
So please, call me now, and
let me get to work getting you immediate
compensation for your Miley Cyrus boner.

> Call 1 (800) LWYR-DAN Hablamos Espanol.
[DOOR OPENING]

> No, you work for me, asshole, okay?
Get back on that phone,
get me some legitimate acting work, or
kiss your 10% commission goodbye,
you piece of shit.
I love you too, Mom.
[MUSIC]

> Do you wanna produce
a low budget movie?

> Do you have $1,000 [CASH
REGISTER] to $2,000 in cash?

> Then hire us, The Boder Brothers,
to produce it, cuz even if it's terrible,
we'll still be able to sell
it to satellite television.

> But Boder Brothers!
How you gonna sell my terrible
movie to satellite television?
Television, television.

> Easy.
Because we've already sold a bunch of
terrible movies to satellite television.

> Satellite television channels like.

> Cannibal Planet.

> VH Fun.

> [BOING]The Whether Channel.

> Bee Eat Tea.

> The Butt Network.

> Nazi Television.

> [WHISTLE] Trains.

> [BOING] Hola Mis Amigos Network.
And peanut butter sandwich, peanut butter
sandwich, everybody's coming home,
peanut butter sandwich.
[MUSIC]

> The Boder brothers.
I don't have an idea for a movie.

> Bullshit.
[LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA]

> Even a puppet has an idea for a movie.

> So, what if a man isn't like a man?
[MUSIC]

> Movies like.

> Sundays are for Grandpa.

> Stick Man Hand Stand.

> Toe Dirt.

> Snakes on a Grape,
I think I'm gonna like it here.

> And Bag of Trash.
[GLASS BREAKING]

> Peanut butter sandwich.
[GLASS BREAKING]

> Butt Boder Brothers.
How do I know you're not gonna
take my money and rip me off?

> Don't take our word for it.

> Listen to some of our
satisfied customers.

> Yo, yo, yo, yo.
[MUSIC]

> So hire us.

> The Boder Brothers.

> To produce your low
budget terrible movie.

> For satellite television.

> Satellite television.

> Satellite television.
[BEEP]

> All right men,
the USS Jeff is preparing to sleep.
Slowing down breathing pattern.

> Roger.

> Minimizing brain activity.

> Copy that.

> We're powering down, people.
[MUSIC]

> Commander,
we just received a late night text message
from Yoga Pants Heather from finance.

> What?
Repower all systems.
Operation Booty Call is in full effect.
[MUSIC]
[LAUGH]

> Sir,
should I invite the target over for
some sex Sir?

> No,
that's exactly what she would expect son.
We need to play this one cool.
I want you to reply back with,
nothing much, you?

> That's too casual Sir.
We're gonna lose the target.

> Send it.

> We need to be more aggressive.

> I said, send it!

> God dammit!
[BEEP]

> Shit, you're right.
It's too casual.
Fire winky face.

> Firing winky face in three, two, one.
Fire.
[BEEP]

> Yes.
Nice work, Lieutenant.
[BEEP].
What does that emoticon mean?

> It means flirty and
slightly mischievous.

> Oh, that is a green light.
Prepare launch sequence.
[MUSIC]
[KISS].
[KISS].

> Turn, in three, two, one.
Now.
[BEEP].
[LAUGH].
[BEEP].
[EXPLOSION]

> We've been hit.
We should not have spelled come C-U-M,
she is super creeped out.

> Take evasive action!
[BUTTON PRESSED] [BEEP]
[MUSIC]
[BEEP]

> She LOLed, she bought it,
we are back in the game!
How should we proceed sir?

> Requesting council.
Attenhurt!
Gentlemen, do we continue
with Operation Booty Call?
Sargent Shame.

> I felt bad about this the entire time.

> Major Morals.

> I have said from the beginning that
we should wait until we're married to
have sex.

> Mm, that settles it.
Operation Booty Call is off the table.
Lieutenant, I want you to send
something nice and sweet.
Now gentlemen, I know we haven't
seen booty in quite some time,
but as God as my witness,
we will see that ass again.
[BEEP].

> [LAUGH].

> Lieutenant,
why did you send a dick pic?

> Desperate times call for
desperate measures!

> Oh, you are court marshaled!

> No!
No!

> Yes.

> I'm a God damn hero!
I'm gonna see booty.
[BEEP]

> Mm-hm.
[MUSIC]

> [LAUGH] Yes!

> [LAUGH]

> Yes!

> Yes!

> Yes!

> Yes!

> Yes!

> Whoa.
[MUSIC]

> [SOUND] Yeah, yeah.

> [LAUGH]

> You are a god damn genius, [KISS].
[PAT]
[MUSIC]
[BEEP]

> No butt stuff.
Not worth it.
[PHONE THROWN] Back to sleep.
[MUSIC]

> [LAUGH].
[DOOR KNOCK].
[DOOR OPEN]

> You?

> Me?

> We?

> Us?
[HUGH].
[EXPLOSION]

> Right Time.
Right Place.
Domino Hut.
Our pizza is out of this world.
[MUSIC]

> Wow.
That's the best damn
commercial I've ever seen.
[CLAPS] Hey, let's celebrate.

> Ooh.

> [LAUGH]
[SOUND]

> Wow!
[CROSSTALK]

> Are you kidding me?

> No way.

> Where did you get that?
That was crazy.

> Whoa.

> Whoa hey.

> Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

> It's alive!
Ahh!
Oh, my God, it's burning.
Oh, fuck, it's burning my hand, help me!
[POP SOUND] No.

> Oh, no, oh, [SOUND]

> No!
[MUSIC]
No!
[SOUND]

> He's dead, and that cork killed him.

> No!

> You killed our friend,
you son of a bitch!
Where'd it go?

> [CRYING]

> No.

> [DOOR KNOCK] What?

> What?

> What?

> I'll get it.

> Yeah.
[MUSIC]

> Guys, I don't see it.

> [SOUND].
No!
[PHONE RINGING].
I have to answer it.
[PHONE RINGING] I have to.
I have to.
[CRYING]
Hello?

> Hello?
Can I speak to Mark please?

> Mark, it's for you.

> Hello?
[NOISE]

> No!
No!

> Why'd you give him the phone?

> He said, I want to talk to Mark.

> Why the fuck did you give the phone?

> I couldn't help it.

> I'm gonna go get help.
I'm gonna go get sheriff [INAUDIBLE]

> No we don't [INAUDIBLE] [SOUND] aah!

> [NOISE]

> Dylan?
Dylan, you're back!
[SOUND] Aah!
[NOISE]

> Don't let a cork screw up your night.
[NOISE] Use Handre's new
screw top champagne.
Handres we won't kill your party.

> [LAUGH] Wow, congratulations.
That was the best damn
commercial I've ever seen.
Hey, let's celebrate.
[LAUGH]
[SOUND]

> No, no, no, no, no.

> Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

> No, no, Jerry no.

> Yes, yes, [LAUGH]

> Satellite television.

> Satellite.
[LAUGH] [CROSSTALK] Satellite
television [LAUGH] cut.
[NOISE]
[CROSSTALK]
[LAUGH]

> It's really happening.
[NOISE]

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