Email is one of the world's great conveniences, but what about those people who just can't afford it?
- August 16, 2016
- 520k Views
Starring- Downtown Julie Brown, Beth Appel, Dan Black
Writer/Director- Pat O'Brein
Producers- Ben Parks, Sean Dacanay
DP- Matt Sweeney
1st AC- Steve Kan
Editor- Marty Kramer & Adriana Robles
Gaffer- Eddy Scully
Grip- Phil Roxas
Sound- Chris Bennett for Botown Sound
Production Designer- Justine Smith
H&MU- Teri Groves
PA- Danny Giovannini, Bailey Benningfield
August 16, 2016
[ door bell ]
Beth Appel: Who's ready to watch
some Miami Marlins baseball?
Beth Appel: Huh, huh, ahh!
Dan Black: Oh, hey Lisa.
Just gimme a sec, alright?
Dan Black: I have to finish
writing these letters.
Beth Appel: Still writing letters, huh?
Dan Black: Yeah well, I don't really
have much of a choice since
I can't afford email.
Beth Appel: What do you mean
you can't afford email?
Dan Black: Look, I know you got
a big raise at work but uh,
Dan Black: you don't need to
lord it over me, alright?
Dan Black: Asshole.
Beth Appel: What the hell, Craig?
Dan Black: Look, I'm sorry.
You're my friend, okay,
Dan Black: and I shouldn't begrudge
you of your success.
Dan Black: Go ahead and
flip on the game,
Dan Black: and I'll be with you
in a second alright.
[ cheering on TV ]
Beth Appel: Aren't you
online right now?
Dan Black: Yeah, Stamps.com.
Dan Black: It's great for the hundreds of
letters I have to send each week,
Dan Black: since I can't afford email.
Dan Black: You just log on,
you buy all the stamps you need,
Dan Black: and you print
them right from home.
Dan Black: Marc Maron
swears by it.
Beth Appel: I thought you
didn't have the internet?
Dan Black: Of course I have the internet.
I'm not a caveman, okay.
Beth Appel: How much have you
been spending on stamps?
Dan Black: I dunno, twelve
grand a year?
Beth Appel: You know email
is free right?
Dan Black: Yeah, maybe
at first but...
Dan Black: Then they hit you
with the hidden fees, right?
Beth Appel: There are no
hidden fees, Craig.
Beth Appel: You just sign up for an email address,
and then you have email, forever.
Beth Appel: I would have told you this sooner,
but I assumed you already knew!
Beth Appel: Billions of people in
second and third world countries
Beth Appel: have email,
and use it everyday.
Beth Appel: [ echoing ]
There's a well-known email
scam about a Nigerian prince!
Dan Black: Next thing you're gonna
tell me that diamonds are free!
Dan Black: Are diamonds free?
Beth Appel: No.
They're very expensive!
Dan Black: But they don't do shit!
Email is amazing!
Dan Black: You can contact anyone,
anywhere, at any time, instantly
Dan Black: with photos and
words, and videos...
Dan Black: Plus it saves and catalogs
all your old emails,
Dan Black: and it puts your junk
email into a junk folder.
Dan Black: Why wouldn't that
cost an arm and a leg?
Beth Appel: That's actually a
Beth Appel: but why do you have
those mannequin limbs?
Dan Black: I bought them with all the money
I thought I was saving on email!
Beth Appel: You're starting to scare
me a little bit Craig.
Dan Black: I can't talk about
this right now.
Dan Black: I need to walk my garbage over
to the dump before it stinks, okay.
Beth Appel: Craig, you don't have to do that!
A garbage truck will come get it for you!
Dan Black: What do those crooks charge?
Three, four hundred bucks a pop?
Beth Appel: Garbage service is free!
Beth Appel: It's taken out
of your taxes!
Dan Black: Well, see, I've never
actually completed my taxes.
Dan Black: I file online, and there's
this stupid email confirmation
part at the end--
POLICEMAN: Craig Wikarski,
you're under arrest for failure
to pay over 7 million dollars
in federal taxes.
You're going to jail
for a long time.
Dan Black: Wait-wait-wait...
Dan Black: Do they have
email in jail?
Yeah. But it's heavily
monitored by the wardens.
Dan Black: But free, right?
- [ cash register ]
[ rock ♪ ♪ ]
Downtown Julie Brown: Hi, I'm television personality
Downtown Julie Brown.
Downtown Julie Brown: We had some
Downtown Julie Brown: but far too many people
out there assume that email
Downtown Julie Brown: is a luxury reserved only for
millionaires and billionaires.
Downtown Julie Brown: If you have a friend who
thinks they can't afford email,
Downtown Julie Brown: please do
the right thing.
Downtown Julie Brown: Write down this
link on a piece of paper,
Downtown Julie Brown: stick it in an envelope,
and mail it to them today.
Downtown Julie Brown: Just don't email it to them,
because they won't get it.
Downtown Julie Brown: This is Downtown Julie Brown
reminding you that
Downtown Julie Brown: email doesn't cost
an arm and a leg.
Downtown Julie Brown: Peace out.