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Published March 05, 2014 35k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Gary Cole as General Keith Alexander
Featuring
Perry Smith
Allan McLeod
John Ford
Anne Rieman
Josh Fadem
Dan Lippert
Mano Agapion
Bette Bentley
Andy Bush
Rachel Goldenberg
Charles Ingram
Darnell Layne
Carly Layne
Matt Mazany
Justin Nijm
Caleb Swyers
Crew
Director Ryan Perez
Producer Rachel Goldenberg
Coordinator Becca Scheuer
DP Aaron Ulrich
Editor Caleb Swyers
Gaffer Igor Tochilnikov
BBE Armando Ballesteros
Key Grip Ian Thomas
Sound Ben Forman
Prod Design Tricia Robertson
Art PA Justin Wilmott
Hair/MU Carleigh Herbert
PA Ashley Holloway
1,026 Funny Votes
375 Die Votes
34,567 Views
Published March 05, 2014

1

[people are cheering]

2

- OKAY, ALRIGHT. OKAY PEOPLE, WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- I GOT ANGELA MERKEL.

3

- WHAT'S THAT LITTLE SAUERKRAUT UP TO THIS WEEK?

4

[laughter]

5

SHE HAD A 90 MINUTE CONVERSATION WITH HER
SOCIAL DEMOCRAT COALITION PARTNERS ABOUT

6

THE OUSTING OF HANS-PETER FRIEDRICH.

7

- WOW, SHE SOUNDS STRESSED OUT. I WOULDN'T WANT
TO BE THAT LITTLE WOMAN'S

8

LEDERHOSEN RIGHT NOW.

9

[laughter]

10

[interposing voices]

11

- LEDERHOSEN? YA, GOOD JOKE.

12

- WE GOT CHICAGO BASED LAW FIRM, MAYER BROWN
ADVISING AN INDONESIAN GOVERNMENT

13

ON TRADES.

14

- OOH, MAMA, GIVE ME SOME OF THAT ATTORNEY
CLIENT PRIVILEGE.

15

- TRADE PARTNERSHIP IS PARTICULARLY IMPORTANT
WITH REGARDS TO THE WHEAT

16

TRADE AS WE ALL KNOW, WHEAT IS ONE OF THE
MOST IMPORTANT--

17

- REMIND ME TO LISTEN TO THAT THE NEXT
TIME I RUN OUT OF AMBIEN.

18

[laughs]

19

- CHECK IT, WE GOT YASSIR TALWAR, A PAKASTANI
CHEMISTRY MAJOR AT MIT MAKING

20

PHONE CALLS EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT TO A PESHAWAR MAH.

21

- WHAT'S HE SAYING MARTIN?

22

- AH, IT SOUNDS LIKE HE'S GETTING A
CHICKPEA, AND POTATO RECIPE FROM HIS MOM.

23

- HE'S NO TERRORIST. HE JUST MISSES THAT
HOME COOKING.

24

[laughs]

25

ALRIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS PEOPLE.

26

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GIVE IT TO ME QUICK PEOPLE.

28

- WALKER TEMPLETON, WICHITA FALLS.

29

- WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THAT OLD BIRD?

30

- HER GRANDSON JUST GOT ARRESTED FOR
METH, AND SHE JUST CHANGED HER HEART

31

MEDICATION.
- LOVE IT.

32

- LEONARD CHANG, GARDEN GROW CALIFORNIA.
SPENT OVER AN HOUR ON THE PHONE

33

WITH LANS, AND CUSTOMER SERVICE.

34

- BORING.

35

- ROCHESTER, NEW YORK. SOLD HIS MOM
A CHINA CABINET ON EBAY, AND GOT A REAL BAD

36

PRICE FOR IT.

37

- WHAT DOES HE EXPECT?

38

- CABRONE BREWER, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK, SET HIS
SAFARI TO PRIVATE BROWSING.

39

- DELISH.

40

- DARYL SCHWARTZ, PORTLAND, SHE'S BEEN SEXTING
WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND.

41

- OOH, NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY.

42

- KANSAS CITY, SHE KEEPS HER DREAM JOURNAL
ON GOOGLE DRIVE, AND LAST

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NIGHT SHE DREAMT THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT
WITH HER CAT.

44

- YOU INCEPTIONED HER? BRILLIANT.

45

- GONZALES, ALBANY, NEW YORK. SHE'S SENDING
NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF TO HERSELF.

46

- SECRET WEIRDO.

47

- I GOT BILL SAMANSKY, MILWAUKEE--
- WHAT'S UP WITH BILL?

48

- HE LOST HIS JOB IN OCTOBER BEEN HIDING
IT FROM HIS WIFE.

49

- LOSER.

50

- HEAD OF THE NSA CHIEF ALEXANDER.

51

- OH HEY, THAT'S ME.

52

- ARRANGING A DRONE ASSASSINATION ON EDWARD SNOWDEN.

53

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- AH, I'M JUST [bleep] AROUND WITH YOU GUYS.

55

[laughter]

56

[interposing voices]

57

- THERE YOU GO, BECAUSE IT WAS A JOKE.
IT WAS A JOKE.

58

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- OF COURSE. IT'S A JOKE.

60

[laughter]

61

NSA. NOT SERIOUS ANYTIME.

62

[laughter]

63

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