How I Seize It #20: "Christine O'Donnell"

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How I Seize It

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Hey!
It's How I Seize It
and this here's Loretta Jenkins
and thank god hell did not freeze over.
Y'all remember a couple weeks ago
when the GOP took over the House?
Well for me and my drankin' buddies,
Election Day is our day.
Not cause we get out and go votes,
but because we sit around
and weget drunk and we take bets
on who we think is gonna win.
But it can have its drawbacks,
cause we put some dumbasses in office.
I think split Congress is what we need.
Make them sumbitches share them power toys.
Thank God that one gal-
-that Tea Party teatard lost.
That Christine Donnell...
(scoffs)
Now y'all heard of this Delaware gal, right?
This 40-something year old virgin
that goes on teenager talk shows...
Now, she does have good mall-hair sometimes,
but daggum the shit that flies
outta her mouth sometime-
I ain't never seen nothin' like it-
You cannot get that woman to shut up-
Y'all hates them bitches that just
drones on and on about nothin',
and just talkin' shit about people
and actin' all better than you.
Dang I'd like to just-
Oooh!
Just ooh!
OOOOH!
Argh, I'm glad I drink
cause I'd be killin' every one of them sunabitches.
I don't know if y'all would call me a liberal,
cause I likes my money,
and I likes people
to leave me the fuck alone,
and I will put a cap in your ass or your thigh
or anywhere I can hit you,
if you come to my house without no permission!
But I do think even as ignorant as about half of y'all are
that we all should just be treats the same
and everybody ought to look out for each other.
I'm gonna start my own political party
for all y'alls out there that wants to work togethe
to get us some common ground.
And oooh!
Let's make liquor sellin' legal on Sunday.
That there law's old,
and some of us can't get through a sermon
without a little somethin' somethin'.
I can't really remember what I was talkin' about...
Shit, that didn't help at all.
And this bitch says she ain't never touched herself,
double-clicked her mouse,
or parted her pink seas?
Now, I got to pontificatin' about that.
Now what's she do come shower time?
I mean if you aint' scrubbin' your muffin Miss Donnell,
you need to sit your ass down
and reevaluate why you still single.
(laughs)
Now, she look like she got money,
so she probably got one of them toilets
that like spits up in you, you know.
Well lemme tell you somethin'
Miss Christine Donnell...
If you got trouble gettin'
all your nooks and crannies clean,
then I got somethin' for ya.
This will just arouse you just a little
or none at all-
(laughs)
Try this!
You ignorant bitch!
(laughs)
Ewww!
Can y'all see that?
Ewww!
A Chris O'Donnell pube!
(laughs)
And she had the audacity
to say she ain't no witch.
Well hell, we can see that dumbass.
I'm gonna start callin' you Christine O'Dumbass.
And she walk around all the time
with this look on her face like
"Oh God, Jesus somebody drill me now!
Oh God, please forgive me of my sinful thoughts!"
(laughs)
Cause witches is either purty or ugly,
they ain't Plain Jane virgins
cause don't nobody wanna fuck you anyway
and that's why you walk around
with that goddang expression
on your face all the time
lookin' like you lookin'
in a horse's ass or somethin'.
So lighten up,
you will get you some.
We got plenty of blind folk around here.
Come on and see us!
That's How I Seize It.