Ron Burgundy: New York City in the house! It is nice to be back. These hallowed halls. I don't know what hallowed means, but...In the news game, I have had a chance to interview kings, and queens, and princes, and princesses, sheiks, ambassadors, authors, poets, athletes, beauty queens, and drag queens...
Ron Burgundy: Okay. This gentleman I'm about to bring out is really one of my heroes. One of my colleagues, one of the best. Ever. Ladies and gentleman, will you please welcome Mr. Tom Brokaw. Tom?
[Audience Clapping and Cheering]
Tom Brokaw: Thank you!
Ron Burgundy: It's Tom damn Brokaw!
Ron Burgundy: I don't know if you remember that, that broadcaster's convention that you and I were at, at Lake Tahoe, Nevada, and we got in a BB gun war with Roger Mudd and Morley Safer, do you remember that?
Tom Brokaw: I do. It...
Ron Burgundy: The news game sure has changed, hasn't it? Over the years? Ninja attack! Watch out, Tom!
Ron Burgundy: Ninja with a board!
Ron Burgundy: This place is crawling with ninjas.
Ron Burgundy: Have you been keeping up with your Pilates? This guy is modest, but he is a wonderful Pilates instructor, and you should come out with a tape.
Tom Brokaw: I do Pilates instruction actually, yes. And, um, I do heated yoga as well.
Ron Burgundy: Mm hm, the heated yoga.
Tom Brokaw: So, yes I do, I have a little studio at Twenty-Third and Lexington.
Ron Burgundy: Let's talk about this election coming up. What a, we got a real doozy on our hands, don't we?
Tom Brokaw: I think doozy probably is an understatement for the kind of...
Ron Burgundy: Maybe barn burner!
Tom Brokaw: Right.
Ron Burgundy: Yeah?
Tom Brokaw: [Laughs]
Ron Burgundy: And now Ralph Nader has thrown his hat into the ring.
Tom Brokaw: Ralph Nader is jumping into the race.
Ron Burgundy: And I hope he does not ask me to be his running mate, because the answer is no.
Tom Brokaw: Are you sure, your country, if your country calls?
Ron Burgundy: I want it, I want it so bad!
Ron Burgundy: Three little, little known facts about Tom Brokaw: He makes the best meatball sub I have ever had. He holds three bantam weight titles. And I once saw him eat a box of tarantulas for five dollars. Do you remember that?
Tom Brokaw: I do.
Ron Burgundy: You're one of the most distinguished journalists.
Tom Brokaw: I was until about twenty minutes ago. I was.
Ron Burgundy: Of all time. Well, no no no. I'm just gonna bust it wide open. Let's get to brass tacks here. Toughest or most memorable person you've ever interviewed?
Tom Brokaw: Toughest interview I ever did was with Mikhail Gorbachev who was the general secretary of the communist party. He had never been interviewed. No general secretary had been.
Ron Burgundy: Right.
Tom Brokaw: By a journalist before.
Ron Burgundy: My toughest two interviews probably were either Fidel Castro, or the captain from Captain and Tennille.
Tom Brokaw: [Laughing]
Ron Burgundy: When I say it out loud it was definitely the captain.
Ron Burgundy: Tom, do you know that when a Komodo dragon bites you, you don't die from the bite, but you actually die from the germs of the Komodo dragon? Did you know that?
Tom Brokaw: No, but I'm learning something about dying sitting out here on this stage with you.
Ron Burgundy: Let's talk about your book. The Greatest Generation.
Tom Brokaw: Mm hmm.
Ron Burgundy: I wrote a book called Greater Than The Greatest Generation. Did that make you jealous when my book came out?
Tom Brokaw: It did.
Ron Burgundy: Yeah.
Tom Brokaw: Uh, not nearly as jealous as I am of your wardrobe, however.
Ron Burgundy: I need to apologize to you, Tom. Uh...
Tom Brokaw: I should hope so.
Ron Burgundy: You and I of course were up for the NBC Nightly News at the same time.
Tom Brokaw: Right, right.
Ron Burgundy: And you of course got it. And, uh, I don't know if you recall the day you found out you were hit by a car. Uh, that was me driving that car. I was wearing a beard and a beret, and I put duct tape over my license plate so I couldn't be found. I've always felt bad of that, about that. I was jealous and dumb because you're so smart and say cool words and stuff. So, I'm sorry.
Tom Brokaw: Well, you know, Ron, I, I think the reason that I got the job and you didn't get the job despite your efforts to do that, is that I was much better at something that is a ritual for anchormen that they have to know how to do. You've never been able to deal with your script in the right ways.
Ron Burgundy: I haven't.
Tom Brokaw: And I thought I'd take ten seconds and just...
Ron Burgundy: Please. Can you show me?
Tom Brokaw: That's Nightly News, good night, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: Good night, Tom Brokaw. Thank you so much. Mister Tom Brokaw. My hero.