Are you tired of fumbling around with those old-fashioned juicers? They’re complicated. They’re noisy. They’re messy. And oh the stomach cancer. Don’t you wish there was an easier way to juice things? Well now there is, thanks to the new Juice Pro Nine Trillion. Operating it is a snap. Simply plug it in, press the patented comfort-push button, insert your favorite juiceable item. See? The spinning indicator wheel lets you know it was inserted correctly. Then in just moments you’re ready to enjoy a tasty juice-like treat. How does it work, you ask? Revolutionary technology enables the Juice Pro Nine Trillion to juice things as fast as or faster than you ever thought possible. The Juice Pro Nine Trillion can juice almost anything. Grapes, pickles, cake, gum, flour, orange juice, candles, thumb tacks, even fruit. So say goodbye to those old fashioned juicers forever. That’s right. Say goodbye to the inevitable finger discomfort, concussions, and pirate attacks that go along with them. And say hello to the new Juice Pro Nine Trillion. You’ll be glad you did.
To order, call 1-900-555-JUICEPRONINETRILLION. That’s One-Nine-Hundred-Five-Five-Five-J-U-I-C-E-P-R-O-N-I-N-E-T-R-I-L-L-I-O-N. Have your bank account number and social security number ready. Or send check and money order to the address on your screen. Do it today!