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Jill tells Gary what women want.
Published April 03, 2010 380 views More Info ยป
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Seth Kim, Kate Hackett
11 Funny Votes
7 Die Votes
378 Views
Published April 03, 2010
EXT. PARK BENCH--DAY

GARY (O.C.)
Well, I'm not in a hurry.

JILL (O.C.)
(sarcastically)
Yeah, that much is clear.

Saturday 11:11 a.m.

Jill and Gary are on the bench. Friends since forever though
they've come close a few times.

GARY
So this is you helping?

JILL
Was I supposed to be helping?

GARY
Yes.

JILL
Oh. Okay, start from the
beginning.

GARY
Just forget it.

JILL
I'm serious...how many dates has it
been?

GARY
Seven.

JILL
Gary.

GARY
And then four more.

JILL
That's eleven dates!

GARY
Is it?

JILL
(dumbfounded)
Have you talked about it?

GARY
What do you mean?

JILL
Was it, like, a conscious decision:
'Oh let's take things slow, we can
get to know each other blah blah
blah.'

GARY
Yes. (SLIGHT beat) But not
really, no.

JILL
(amused in spite of
herself)
So basically she's been expecting
something to happen for the last
two months.

GARY
Whoa. We've kissed. A lot.

JILL
She must think you're a fucking
eunuch.

GARY
What's a eunuch?
(Jill gestures vaguely at
her crotch)
That tells me nothing.

JILL
11 DATES, Gary!

GARY
I haven't found my moment.

JILL
Oh God. Okay, dude, pay attention,
this is important: There is no
perfect moment.

GARY
Is it possible for someone to be
missing the gene for romance?

JILL
(exasperated)
Sex is not romantic--

GARY
So yes.

JILL
--This girl doesn't want romance.
She doesn't want candles, she
doesn't want a picnic under the
stars. All she wants is for you
step up and be a man. Take
control, make a fucking move.
She's not gonna wait forever.

GARY
Okay. Okay, I think I understand
what's happening here.

JILL
(SLIGHTEST bit nervous)
Do you?

GARY
Yes. (beat) You're a man.

JILL
(relieved)
I am not.

GARY
You're a big honking man and you're
giving me the kind of advice you'd
expect from a big honking man.

JILL
I'm not a man. I can show you I'm
not a man.

GARY
Yeah, that's exactly what I man
would say.

JILL
You know what? Forget it. Enjoy
whacking off for the next six
months.

GARY
More man talk.
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