HOSTAGE: A Love Story with Zachary Quinto
The Massholes over at Sterling Cooper get a new account (with New Kid Joey McIntyre as Rogah)
- September 13, 2009
- 610k Views
Starring: Joey McIntyre, Nate Cordry, Jamie Denbo, Jessica Chafin, Rob Delaney, Nat Faxon
Written by Jamie Denbo
Directed by Drew Antzis
Director of Photography - Antonio Scarlata
Sound and Post mix - Jayce Murphy
Produced by Lauren Palmigiano
Edited by Drew Antzis
Color Correction - Antonio Scarlata
Gaffer - Dustin Bowser
PA - Carly Rhodes
September 13, 2009
is wearing a backwards baseball cap. The letter d from Mad fades out to
leave the words Ma Men. The shot cuts to an executive meeting room
where Rob Delany is sitting. He drinks some beer and lets out a long,
loud belch. Joey McIntyre comes into the office.
Joey McIntyre: Draper, you got em? It smells like fucking garlic in here. What are you hiding a wop under your desk?
Rob Delaney: Fuck you.
Joey McIntyre: Fuck you. We got a new account.
Rob Delaney: Sweet.
Joey McIntyre opens a cooler and pulls out a beer.
Rob Delany: Sweet. Lay it on me.
Joey McIntyre: Can I sit the fuck down first? I forgot my Marlboro's, do you got any?
Rob Delany: Just Parliaments.
Joey McIntyre: Parliaments? What are you, a fag?
Nat Faxon comes into the room, acting like a flaming, gay man. He is carrying Dunkin' Donuts boxes.
Nat Faxon: What up? Roger. Draper. Did someone say little, round glazed balls?
Rob Delany: No fucking way.
Joey McIntyre: You fucking, cocksucker.
Nat Faxon: Hey, party time.
Nat Faxon goes, gets himself a beer and sits down.
Joey McIntyre: Glad you're here Sally. We're going to need hardcore art direction on this one. This one's big.
Rob Delaney: Who's the client? Sam Adams?
Joey McIntyre: Bigger.
Rob Delaney: Kelly's Roast Beef?
Joey McIntyre: Bigger.
Nat Faxon: Laura Ashley?
Joey McIntyre: Bigger.
Rob Delaney: Fucking Phoenix?
Joey McIntyre: Bigger!
Nat Faxon: The Swan Boats?
Joey McIntyre: Think big, like big!
Nat Faxon: The Ugly Duckling
Joey McIntyre: Like fucking big! What's big?
Nat Faxon: Wonderland Racetrack?
Joey McIntrye: Bigger you retards. Fenway Park.
Rob Delaney: You're shitting me.
Joey McIntyre: Why would I lie about something like that, you fucking animals. (raises beer up) Teddy Williams.
Rob Delaney and Nat Faxon: Teddy Williams.
All three men pour some beer onto the floor. Nate Corddry comes into the room.
Nate Corddry: Don, why wasn't I called in to discuss the Fenway Park account?
Joey McIntyre: Campbells soup!
Nate Corddry: Come on, you know how much I care about the Sox.
Joey McIntyre, Rob Delaney and Nat Faxon (in unison): Teddy Williams.
All three pour more beer out onto the floor.
Rob Delaney: You're off this one Campbell.
Nate Corddry: What the fuck are you talking about?
Rob Delaney: I'm talking about the time Joe Torre came in here to talk
about his ball cancer PSA and you told him that he and Johnny Damon
should suck each others' cocks until they gave each other ball cance
in each others' fucking esophaguses.
Nate Corddry: I was fucking hammered.
Jessica Chaffin comes into the room.
Jessica Chaffin: Don't you fucking faggots know not to get fucking
wasted before two o'clock. My girls can't be cleaning up puke all
Joey McIntyre: Joanie, you fucking skank. Show me your tits.
Jessica Chaffin: You're a married piece of shit, Roger.
Joey McIntyre: Your mother and your sister didn't care.
Jessica Chaffin: Oh, you know what Roger...
Joey McIntyre: You know what, I can see your tits through your shirt.
Jessica Chaffin: Yeah, well I can see your dick through your shirt, Roger. OK, you're an asshole.
Rob Delany: Alright, alright, enough. Hey. Did you want something Joanie?
Jessica Chaffin: Yeah, Piggy's outside your office.
Joey McIntyre: Who the fuck is piggy?
Rob Delany: Piggy?
Jessica Chaffin: Piggy, Massy, Patty, whatever.
Rob Delany and Joey McIntyre: Peggy?
Jessica Chaffin: Whatever.
Nate Corddry: She's a copywriter. Have some respect.
Jessica Chaffin: She's a fucking slut Pete and I think you know what I'm talking about.
Nate Corddry: Yeah. One time. Shut your mouth.
Jessica Chaffin: Stop fucking yelling at me.
Nate Corddry: One time.
Rob Delany: Tell her to come in.
Jessica Chaffin walks out of the room
Joey McIntyre: I'd like to date rape that ass.
Nat Faxon: Yeah, if it wasn't attached to that mouth.
Rob Delany: Enough. She's a lady.
Rob Delany, Nat Faxon and Joey McIntyre all start laughing. Jamie Denbo comes into the room and is pregnant.
Jamie Denbo: I heard about Fenway Park, Don. I got some ideas.
Rob Delany: Oh great. I'd love to hear them.
Nat Faxon: Jesus. Kiss ass much.
Nate Corddry: Yeah, Don, I haven't even had a chance to come up with ideas myself.
Joey McIntyre: Yeah, aren't we gonna party.
Rob Delany: Guys, let her talk.
Jamie Denbo: I was thinking about baseball. About how there's fans. And peanuts.
Nate Corddry: Oh, for Christ's sake. Let fucking wrap this up.
Nat Faxon: Relax, Campbell Soup.
Joey McIntyre: Yeah, don't be so hard on her.
Nate Corddry: It was one fucking time, Roger.
Rob Delany: Peggy. Continue.
Jamie Denbo: You know, I was thinking about how fathers take sons to
games and what a bonding experience it is for them. How it's the
Rob Delany: That's it. It's dusk. A Red Sox player stands center field.
The Green Monster behind him. We pull in to see a look on his face of
Jamie Denbo: Because being at Fenway Park is pure ecstasy, Don?
Rob Delany: Plus, he's balls deep in Derek Jeter's asshole.
Everyone is silent for a moment and then begin to applaud this idea.
Nat Faxon: Teddy Williams.
Rob Delany: Teddy Williams.
Jamie Denbo, Joey McIntyre, Nat Faxon and Nate Corddry: Teddy Williams.
Everyone pours beer on the floor again. A still shot of Teddy Williams appears and the video fades to black.