An ad for The Paris Hilton Presidential Campaign. Paid for by Funny Or Die.

Full Credits

Starring Paris Hilton, Written by Adam McKay, Produced by Chris Henchy, Directed by Jake Szymanski. Featuring Tinkerbell.

Transcript

Male Voice: (whispers) Exclusive.
[music]
[crowd cheers]
Male Voice: He's the oldest celebrity in the world,
Male Voice: like, super old.
Male Voice: Old enough to remember when dancing was a sin.
Male Voice: And beer was served in a bucket.
Male Voice: But is he ready to lead?
[patriotic music plays]
Paris Hilton: Hey America, I'm Paris Hilton
and I'm a celebrity too.
Paris Hilton: Only, I'm not from
the olden days,
Paris Hilton: and I'm not promising change
like that other guy.
Paris Hilton: I'm just hot.
Paris Hilton: But then that wrinkly, white haired
guy used me in his campaign ad,
Paris Hilton: which I guess means I'm
running for President.
Paris Hilton: So thanks for the endorsement
white haired dude,
Paris Hilton: and I want America to know that
I'm like totally ready to lead.
Paris Hilton: And now I want to present my
energy policy for America.
Paris Hilton: Just as soon as I finish reading
this article on where
Paris Hilton: I can fly to, to get
the best tan.
Paris Hilton: Oh, Maui, loves it.
Paris Hilton: Okay, so here's my
energy policy.
Paris Hilton: Barack wants to focus on new technologies
to cut foreign oil dependency,
Paris Hilton: and McCain wants
offshore drilling.
Paris Hilton: Well, why don't we do a hybrid
of both candidates' ideas?
Paris Hilton: We can do limited offshore drilling
with strict environmental
Paris Hilton: oversight while creating tax
incentives to get Detroit making
Paris Hilton: hybrid and electric cars.
Paris Hilton: that way the offshore drilling
carries us until the new
Paris Hilton: technologies kick in which will then create
new jobs and energy independence.
Paris Hilton: Energy crisis solved.
Paris Hilton: I'll see you at the
debates bitches.
Paris Hilton: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have
to go pick out a Vice President.
Paris Hilton: I'm thinking Rihanna.
I'll see you at the White House.
Paris Hilton: Oh, and I might
paint it pink.
Paris Hilton: I hope that's cool
with you guys.
Paris Hilton: Bye.
Paris Hilton: (Voiceover) I'm Paris Hilton and I approve this
message because I think it's totally hot.

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