A montage of images is shown with an announcer doing a voiceover.
An image of thousands of people cheering and chanting is shown and cuts
away to image of John and Cindy McCain waving while surrounded by
balloon and tickertape waving.
Announcer: He’s the oldest celebrity in the world.
Image cuts to a shot of the cast of the cast of Golden Girls: Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty, Betty White, and Beatrice Arthur.
Announcer: Like, super old
Image cuts to shot of the Crypt keeper.
Announcer: Old enough to remember when dancing was a sin.
Image cuts to shot of Larry King crying and a KFC logo image of Colonel Sanders.
Announcer: And beer was served in a bucket.
Image cuts to a shot of Yoda, then back to shot of McCain standing at a
podium in front of a crowd of supporters. Text floats in front of the
image that reads “McCain: IS HE READY TO LEAD?”
Announcer: But is he ready to lead?
Image cuts to head shot of Paris Hilton.
Paris Hilton: Hey America, I’m Paris Hilton and I’m a celebrity too.
Shot pulls back to reveal Paris Hilton in a revealing, leopard print
bathing suit, laying on chair by a pool, holding a magazine.
Paris Hilton: Only, I’m not from the olden days and I’m not promising change like that other guy.
Cuts back to a head shot.
Paris Hilton: I’m just hot.
The shot cuts back to her lying in the chair.
Paris Hilton: But then that wrinkly, white haired guy used me in his
campaign ad, which I guess means I’m running for President.
Close up of Paris Hilton’s face.
Paris Hilton: So thanks for the endorsement white haired dude and I want America to know that I’m like totally ready to lead
Shot return to Paris Hilton lying in chair.
Paris Hilton: And now I want to present my energy policy for America.
Just as soon as I finish reading this article on where I can fly to-to
get the best tan.
Picks up a copy of Condé Nast Traveler and reads for a moment.
Paris Hilton: Oh, Maui, loves it. (she puts down magazine.) Ok, so
here’s my energy policy. Barack wants to focus on new technologies to
cut foreign oil dependency and McCain wants offshore drilling. Well,
why don’t we do a hybrid of both candidates’ ideas? We can do limited
offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while creating
tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way
the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in
which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis
solved. I’ll see you at the debates bitches. Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I have to go pick out a Vice President. I’m thinking Rihanna. I’ll see
you at the White House. Oh, and I might paint it pink. I hope that’s
cool with you guys. Bye.
Paris Hilton waves goodbye and blows everyone a kiss. Patriotic music
plays and an image of the American Flag, waving in the breeze, is
shown. “PARIS” with a little heart hovering over the “I” is shown in
front of the flag. At the bottom of the screen it reads: “Paid for by
Paris Hilton 2008. Approved by everyone.”
The shot cuts back to a close up of Paris Hilton holding her dog.
Paris Hilton: I’m Paris Hilton and I approve this message because I think it’s totally hot.