Dean Norris (Hank from Breaking Bad) is sick of everyone asking him about how Breaking Bad ends.

Full Credits

Starring: Dean Norris
Featuring: Rebecca Zamolo
Writer: Dan Klein
Director/Editor: Jack Bishop and Justin Nijm
Producer: Betsy Koch
Producer: Katy Walker
DP: Brian Lane
Gaffer: Aaron Ulrich
Hair/Makeup: Jennifer Osborne
Sound: Ryan Kaiser
PA: Josh Rimmey


♫ (melodious music) ♫
(clicking sound)
Dean: All right, Internet.
I'm fed up with everyone bothering me
about, "How's Breaking Bad going to end?"
"How's Breaking Bad going to end?"
so I'm going to tell you
right here, right now.
This is how it ends.
I'm going to read it
for you, the last scene
of the series finale of Breaking Bad.
♫ (Breaking Bad theme) ♫
"Hank Wins,"
written by me, Dean Norris.
(whooshing sound)
♫ (ominous music) ♫
New Mexico.
Hank has caught Walt.
Walt cries like a little baby bitch.
Walt: Great job arresting me, Hank.
I was a stupid idiot to
think I can defeat you.
You're the best cop there ever is.
And the strongest one too.
Hank: (laughs) Yeah.
It was the minerals I was buying.
Some of them were magical,
and they turned me into a superhero.
They also made me go reverse bald.
Dean: Hank removes a bald cap and
reveals a luxurious head of hair.
Walt: Wow.
That's awesome.
You are a hero.
I'm a loser.
Skyler loves you more than she loves me.
Goodbye forever.
(gun cocking sound)
(gun shot) (thud)
Hank: (laughs)
(car honking) (whistles)
♫ (upbeat music) ♫
Dean: We see a babe in a
sexy dress walk up to Hank.
♫ (upbeat music) ♫
Babe: Ooh, you're so sexy.
I want to have your babies, but only
after we have sex, like, 500 times.
(phone ringing)
Dean: Hank checks his cellphone.
There is a message from his wife.
Marie: You can sex anyone you want.
You da king.
Also, you are Walt Jr.'s
dad now, for reals.
Hank: (laughs)
Dean: The babe and Hank kiss a lot.
It's awesome.
Wow, that's really good writing.
♫ (ominous music) ♫ Hank lifts his
talking skateboard, Wheelie, into frame.
Hank: Walter White's dead, baby.
Wheelie: Awesome, dude.
Now we have a new mission.
There is, like, a crazy
alien drug lord on Mars,
and they need a superhero
DEA agent to stop him.
Hank: I gotta "hankering" for some action.
Babe: (laughs)
♫ (soaring music) ♫
Dean: Hank and Wheelie ride off to Mars,
leaving awesome flames in their path.
(fire whooshing sound)
♫ (soaring music) ♫
As you can see, it's pretty, it's pretty
open for the new Hank spinoff show,
"Mineral Man."
(knocking sound)
♫ (soft music) ♫
Vince: Uh, hey Dean?
It's me, Vince Gilligan,
the boss of Breaking Bad.
I just read your final episode script,
and I just got to say it's
the best script I ever read.
Hank: (exhales)
Vince: In fact, it's so good
I'm quitting show business.
Hank: (laughs)
Vince: Thank you.
Sorry to bother you.
♫ (soft music) ♫
(door closing)
Dean: The end.
That last thing was
part of the script too.
I wrote that.
(knocking on door)
Male: Dean, we need you on set
for another toilet shot, OK?
Don't bring any pants, and hurry up!
(opens zipper)
(exhales) (clicking sound)