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Kenny Powers, champion athlete and shoe endorser, completes a hostile takeover of... more »
Published July 10, 2011 840k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Kenny Powers (Danny McBride)
Also featuring Michael Bay, Mark Cuban, Matt Cassel, Jillian Michaels, Rey Mysterio, Josh Cox, Jon "Bones" Jones, Patrick Willis, Urijah Faber and Titty Mug.

1

Powers: Some athletes just
want the endorsement deals.

2

Some do it for the fame / poontang.

3

The smart-as-shit ones get into business.

4

But no one has ever done ...

5

(thunder)

6

... What I've just fuckin' done.

7

(thunder)

8

I own 51% of K-Swiss stock.

9

Voiceover: You gotta
be fuckin' kidding me.

10

Powers: I'm not kidding. I'm
fuckin' in and you're fuckin' out.

11

Now get the fuck outta my chair.

12

(music)

13

Kon-nichi-wa, bitches, I'm Kenneth Powers,

14

the new motherfucking CEO of K-Swiss.

15

You're thinking, "Kenny
Powers, why the fuck

16

would you wanna be the CEO of a business

17

when you could easily just be out living

18

the life of a functioning derelict?"

19

Well, the answer is simple ...

20

I'm changing the sports world.

21

I wanna get everybody to stop acting like

22

goddamn pussies all the time.

23

So I didn't just SIGN
the baddest athletes,

24

I hired 'em to run the company.

25

What's up dog? I killed you.

26

I started the rebuilding
process by listing

27

all pro quarterback,
Matt "Goddamn" Castle,

28

to come in my high-powered
marketing offense.

29

Castle: K-Swiss Tubes,
WE LET THE DOGS OUT!

30

Emphasis on "WE".

31

Powers: Who did it? We
did it. It's good, Castle.

32

Castle: K-Swiss Tubes, come at me, bro.

33

COME AT ME!

34

Powers: Touchdown! (laughs)

35

Fantastic concepts, Castle!

36

(applause)

37

(thud) Voiceover: What?

38

(whack)

39

Powers: Me and Matt Castle
just fucked you up, dog!

40

I brought in John "Bones"
Jones to run HR, raise morale.

41

Jones: Short order lunches,
what is THAT shit? Fuck that!

42

Powers: And for Director
of Community Outreach,

43

I got the ultimate people
person, Jillian Michaels.

44

Michaels: You wanna look like a burrito

45

in your prom dress? Huh, Blondie?

46

BLEED, BITCH!

47

BLEED!

48

Powers: Lastly, I brought in Ray Mysterio,

49

head up security ... (thud)

50

Safety is priority number one ...

51

My safety.

52

(squeek sound)

53

What's up, Josh Cox?

54

Let's push this shit to the max!

55

(beeping sound)

56

Now that K-Swiss is bigger
than cable television

57

and or drugs, everybody's trying to get up

58

my motherfuckin' slacks!

59

All right, you bitch, Mark, you wanna play

60

hard ball with me, I'm
tired of fuckin' around.

61

I will pay you $25 million
if you change your team's

62

name to "The Dallas K-Swiss Tubes".

63

Mark: Quit wasting my time, Kenny ...

64

Powers: Before you say anything,

65

prepare to shut the fuck up.

66

Mark: I'm thinking.

67

I'm thinking you're a dumbass, Kenny.

68

Powers: I'm making marketing that

69

touches my audience deep inside.

70

(music plays) K-Swiss ...

71

(music plays) ... Power cologne.

72

(music plays) Who knew
you could bottle the scent

73

of boner?

74

Intercom: Mr. Powers, I have
Michael Bay on line one.

75

Powers: Finally, motherfucker.

76

Cello?

77

Bay: Kenny, how are you?

78

Powers: All right, man,
here. Listen up, all right?

79

Fuck commercials.

80

I want you to direct a
K-Swiss fuckin' movie.

81

Here's the concept, okay?

82

It's all about how I'm
like, "Kick ass in sports,

83

top of my game, now I'm an awesome CEO,"

84

and then these jealous terrorists,

85

they bust into the compound I'm living in

86

and they basically drop all these bombs

87

and shit on me and I'm totally dead.

88

All that's left is my brain,
my dick and the Tubes.

89

And all these scientists
basically find those parts

90

with the help of some
local school children

91

and make me into a humongous,

92

this is where your expertise comes in,

93

(machine gunfire)

94

transformer.

95

Mark: That's riveting, Kenny ...

96

so you want me to direct you in a K-Swiss

97

autobiography where I
rebuild you as a transformer

98

with a human brain and penis ...

99

Powers: And Tubes.

100

So I'm [living] the motherfuckin' deals,

101

doing shit other sports companies are too

102

pussy to even dream of.

103

Gentlemen, I present to you
the athlete of the future.

104

(explosions)

105

Willis: (yells)

106

FUCK YOU!

107

Powers: Wearing the training
shoe of the future ...

108

Tubes; lightweight,
breathable upper top part

109

where the laces are ...

110

KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER, PATRICK WILLIS!

111

(screech)

112

That's right, I'm turning
shit on its goddamn head.

113

Willis: (yells)

114

Powers: I'm changing the sports world.

115

I'm changing the business world.

116

Don't smell like shit.

117

Nice, awesome, no ...

118

I'm even changing the goddamn world world.

119

(revving engine) (artillery fire)

120

(screams)

121

(machine gunfire) (thunder)

122

(explosions)

123

Now THAT is how you run a
company like Kenny Powers.

124

Hot secretary, get me the
president on the line!

125

I just got tired of paying taxes.

126

(heavy metal music plays)

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