Beyonce Parody - If I Were A Girl (Mark Zito Version)

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If I Were A Girl By Mark Zito

If I were a girl
Even just for a day
I'd freak out just little, complain about my weight
And then I'd eat all my sorrows away

I'd call up my girls
And I'd text all the time
I'd say things like xoxo and I'll be over for Grey's at 9

If I were a girl
I think I'd be pretty hot
I'd wear fishnet stockings and go out to bars
And then I'd show off my boobs a lot

I'd smile to your face
But I'd silently judge
Because, bitch, you stole my man and me and my girls hold a grudge

If I were a girl
I'd never put out
I'd wear a purity ring and tell you how I was devout

I'd say I have cramps
Or I'm not in the mood
And if you tried to make a pass, I'd tell you how you were being rude

If I were a girl
I'd really play the part
I'd watch sex in the city and you would never hear me fart

And if I went down on you
It would be kinda quick
Cause I'm pretty sure Id tell you that I didn't like the taste of your d***

(Ew, it's salty!)

But I'm not a girl
And you know what, girl?
Thank Christ for that
Because I gotta you tell the truth
I really like this here ball sack
But you know what?
I still got a message for you
So, listen up baby, alright?
Here it comes

But you're just a girl
And you don't understand

How I take you out to dinner
And just end up using my hand
You never ever have sex anymore
What's up with that?
I didn't start to date you so that we could chat

And if you're done with me
Please let it end
Cause baby I just wanna fuck your hot friend

But you're just a girl
Kind of a bitch