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JJ Jefferson is the big man on campus until he is challenged by Bo Jack and is forced to defend his thrown.
Published July 03, 2010 200 views More Info ยป
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Directors & Producers: Chris Blakeman & Ben Mehlman
Written By: Chris Blakeman
Director of Photography: Sean Emer
Starring: Chris Blakeman, Chris Mawson, Adrian Saba & Ben Mehlman
13 Funny Votes
3 Die Votes
198 Views
Published July 03, 2010
EXT. CAMPUS QUAD-DAY

Charlie is walking to class, looking very sad and let down. as he walks, he passes a guy reading a paper on a bench. The guy appears to be just another Long Island guido; blow out, orange skin, muscle tee and all. The person carries a strange resemblance to J.J. Charlie passes him, not thinking much of it at first but then finds himself doing a double take.

CHARLIE

I'm really sorry to bother you, but do I know you from somewhere?

J.J.

(Now talking with thick Long Island accent)

Huh? Wha-no, I don't think we've ever met.

CHARLIE

I know that, but are you sure you never been in the paper before, or anything like that?

J.J.

Yes I'm sure, now, get outta here!

CHARLIE

I know who you are! You're J.J. Jefferson!

J.J.

What!? No, thats crazy! Now leave me alone.

CHARLIE

But it is you! I keep-or kept up on all of your articles and stuff.

J.J.

That's not me! Now leave or I'm gonna git chya!

There is an awkward pause between the two

CHARLIE

I knew it!

J.J.

Alright, fine, just shut up. Yeah, i WAS J.J., but I-I don't go by that name anymore. That was another life, another time. I've moved on, so you should do the same.

CHARLIE

I can't move on though! You're the reason I came to this school! You're like my mentor in a strange unexplainable kinda way.

J.J.

Well thats real nice kid, but that's not me anymore.

CHARLIE

It's not just me though. Don't you get it? Look around you, everyone has been depressed and terrified since you've been gone. Bo-Jack has destroyed all the good that you created on this campus.

J.J.

Really?

CHARLIE

Yes really!

J.J.

People really miss me?

CHARLIE

Of course!

J.J.

And they want me back?

CHARLIE

Yes!

J.J.

Well...thats nice, but, it's not my problem anymore.

CHARLIE

Wait, what? I thought I had you convinced there.

J.J.

Ha, no. Don't get my wrong, it was a self esteem boost, but not enough to make me start raping again.

CHARLIE

Well, what if I helped train you? Huh? I could be your practice dummy?

J.J.

I don't know kid. Bo-Jack was just to fast. I'm getting to old I guess.

Charlie grabs J.J. by the shoulders and stares intensely in to his eyes.

CHARLIE

J.J., you have to get back on that horse...and ride it like you ride everyone else. This is bigger than you, bigger than me. This is bigger then my raging boner right now. You have to do this for Hofstra, for Long Island, for AMERICA! Now what do ya say?

J.J. stares back, his eyes watering. He grabs his aviators and puts his bandanna back on.

J.J.

Let's get these Bees Knees rolling.

EXT. CAMPUS grounds-day

J.J. and Charlie are walking around the campus chatting

CHARLIE

Alright J.J., so the first thing we need to do is think of what we want and how we are going to get it. Now, what do you want?

J.J.

Ass!

charlie

No.

Charlie slaps JJ.

CHARLIE

Oh wow, forgot you were a rapist there. Gonna have to wipe my hands clean of that one.

J.J.

(dissapointed)

Ooh.

CHARLIE

Well, it's not the ultimate goal. The what we, meaning you, want to do, is beat Bo-Jack, and take back what is rightfully yours.

J.J. is checking people out as they walk by, clearly not listening.

J.J.

It is?

CHARLIE

Yes J.J.! Now will you please pay attention?

J.J.

I'm sorry, it all just looks so good.

CHARLIE

I know they do, but you have to focus, otherwise, you'll never have any of that again. So what we need to do now is get you out of these clothes and into the proper raping attire.

Charlie pauses, takes a step back, and stares at J.J. for a second.

CHARLIE

J.J., how did you get so orange in less than twenty-four hours?

J.J.

What? Oh, uh, spray paint. I love smell.

Charlie shakes his head and walks away.

J.J.

Oh c'mon, you know Ol' J.J. loves huffin dat der shit. Huffin and Puffin! I love it! Yee Haw!...mmmm kinky.

J.J. runs after Charlie.

INT. Roller rink-day

J.J. is in his full costume again as he and Charlie enter the rink.

J.J.

What are we doing here? Is there a birthday party? I love those! I love cake!...I love kids.

CHARLIE

Nope, sorry J.J., we're here for you.

J.J.

Me? Why? It's not my birthday.

CHARLIE

I know that J.J. Now, what is one thing that Bo-Jack has that you don't.

J.J.

Ha, lack of class, style, good looks-

CHARLIE

Speed J.J. He's got speed. There's no doubt in my mind that you're fast...but he's faster.

J.J.

Wha-well if tha-I-how dare-...yeah he done got me there pretty good. But why ya got me here? I already know how to skate...real good.

CHARLIE

Well, you've got to get better. You're certainly not faster on foot than on your skates. So, lets hop to it. You should start with a few hundred laps, top speed.

J.J.

Yes sir you tasty little niblet you.

100 full speed laps later, J.J. stops for a break, and is ready to pass out.

CHARLIE

C'mon J.J., if you wanna get better, keep going!

J.J. reluctantly returns to doing laps. Behind Charlie we see the rape guru, JULIO IGLESIAS BERNARDO GONZALEZ GARY SMITH watching and studying. He is a scrawny, squirrelly, tan little man, wearing a robe.

JULIO

That is not the way to do it.

Charlie is startled

CHARLIE

Jeez sir, you scared me there. He's just doing laps for his uh-skate competition this weekend.

JULIO

Bullshit.

CHARLIE

Excuse me?

JULIO

You have no idea who I am, do you chico?

CHARLIE

Ha, uh, no I don't, I'm sorry. Should I?

JULIO

My name is-

J.J.

Julio Iglesias Bernardo Gonzalez Gary Smith...aka the Rape Guru.

Julio gives a small bow towards Charlie.

CHARLIE

Wow, the rape guru huh? That's quite the title. Maybe I'm worshiping the wrong guy.

J.J.

Julio here took out a class of freshman in '34. The entire greek life shut down because they had no one to pledge. His numbers are staggering. Rumor has it they double his age...4567.

JULIO

Well thank you J.J., but I wouldn't push it that far. But yes, I am rather gifted in this sport...as are you J.J., you've just forgotten that.

CHARLIE

Wait, you know-

JULIO

Oh yes, I know. I can't be called the guru without keeping up on these sort of things. And that's why I am here. To train you. I've watched you for a long time J.J. and I see a lot of me in you. More than you know...So, you're name is?

CHARLIE

What? Oh, uh, Charlie

JULIO

Well then Charlie, lets get J.J. into tip top rape shape! Rrrrrribbbaaa!

INT. ROLLER RINK-DAY

J.J. is skating around an obstacle course in the rink. He is going through cones, under poles, over boxes.

JULIO

C'mon, you're slower than a legless mexican sumo wrestler!

Int. Sex Shop-Day

Julio, Charlie, and J.J. are playing with a blow up sex doll. Julio is demonstrating.

JULIO

Spread 'em, Spit, Thrust.

J.J. watches and tries on his own doll

JULIO

Spread spit and thrust! Let's go!

INT. ROLLER RINK-DAY

J.J. and Charlie are watching Julio push him self up and down on the ground with no hands.

JULIO

Cock push-ups! They build character. Get down and gimme twenty bitch!

J.J. gets down, clearly struggling and not moving.

EXT. Beach-Day

Charlie is wearing short shorts a belly shirt and bunny ears.

JULIO

Now we are going to play chase the rabbit.

J.J.

Mmm rabbit. Sure you don't wanna make them there shorts shorter...or tighter?

JULIO

When I give the signal Charlie, you're going to run down the beach as fast as you can. Then J.J., I'll give you another signal to chase after him.

Charlie nods, J.J. grunts in agreement. Julio gives charlie the signal. J.J. leans over to takeoff his roller skates.

JULIO

Nope. Skates on.

INT. ROLLER RINK-DAY

J.J. zooms through the course and past Julio and Charlie. Julio looks at the stop watch and smiles

INT. SEX SHOP-DAY

J.J. thrusts rapidly into doll. Julio and Charlie look at each other, smiling with pride.

INT. ROLLER RINK-DAY

J.J. is moving up and down with his cock as fluently as Julio had demonstrated. Julio smiles again

EXT. BEACH-DAY

J.J., who is sinking into the sand with his skates, catches up to Charlie. He leaps and tackles him to the ground.

JULIO

That a boy J.J. You've completed your training. Let's go home and have some dinner and sleep. You are now ready my son. Tomorrow, you shall reclaim what was once yours.

EXT. Porch-night

J.J. sitting on the porch step, staring off into the sky and the woods. As he thinks, Julio steps out to join him.

JULIO

Nervous boy?

J.J.

What? Uh, no.

JULIO

You sure?

J.J.

Okay, maybe a little.

JULIO

He-he, pussaaay! No, it's okay. I hear ya. It's a lot of pressure ahead, with the kid looking up to you 'n all.

Charlie is curled up on the couch in the fetal position, wearing onsies, a blanket, and thumb in mouth. He is moving like a dog in his sleep.

JULIO

Just look at him. He's dreaming that he's running.

J.J.

I don't even know why he looks up to me. If he knew what I knew about myself, he'd probably laugh right in my face.

JULIO

No he wouldn't J.J.

J.J.

I don't think you under stand sir. I haven't-um, jeez...I haven't raped in, well, I've never raped. Oh sure, I catch myself plenty o' tender boys, but...I always end up just...caring for them for a bit and then...I release them back into the wild.

EXT. Backyard-day

J.J. is walking a freshman on a leash towards the edge of the yard, leading into the woods. He removes the leash, trying to send the freshman back into the wild.

J.J.

(crying)

Go on, git. Git you, you purty little thing.

EXT. PORCH-NIGHT

J.J.

You see, I knew I loved em all, and I love the hunt, but, well, ever since I caught me my first specimen, I've tried and tried, but every time they look up at me with their big doe eyes...mmmm I love it when they look...I just can't do it.

JULIO

I know J.J.

J.J.

You do? How?

JULIO

I told you I've been watching you for a long time.

EXT. BACKYARD-DAY

Julio is standing RIGHT behind J.J. as he releases the freshman.

EXT. PORCH-NIGHT

J.J.

Wow! I thought you were just a creepy lawn ornament! So, you're not disappointed?

JULIO

Of course I am...but I have faith in you J.J. Not that you will start raping innocent freshman boys, no, no, no. But that you will find something worth raping for...and you'll be damn good at it. The kid knows it. Not the whole story of you being a pussy but that there is good in you J.J., and you will triumph by doing the right thing. Alright now get some sleep.

J.J.

Yes sir.
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