♫ Hey, Gus Porter, American mountain man.
♫ He crossed the border with animal hunting plans.
♫ But his rifle stalled and the grizzly mauled.
♫ Now he's stuck in a foreign land.
- Momma, Momma.
- Excuse me, Mister?
- Old griz, it got me pretty good, I guess, huh?
- Well he sure did but don't you worry.
Got a doctor on the way here,
so what's your name there?
- Gus Porter, American mountain man.
You can call off that doctor of yours.
I'm out of my coverage zone.
I'm sure I'll be fine.
- Sir, you don't have to worry about the health insurance.
You're in Canada now.
Our system covers everyone for free.
- Sounds like Communism.
I don't need your free medicine here, commissar.
- Oh, Jesus, we got to stop that bleeding there.
Why don't you put a bandage on your whining?
- Hey look, you're loosing a lot of blood there, friend.
You could die like that.
- That's not gonna happen, Kim Jong-il.
How far is the American border?
- It's about 90 kilometers.
- Don't give it to me in Nazi distance.
Give it to me in American.
- Oh, yeah, we're talking 60 miles there, at least.
- An afternoon stroll.
- I don't think you should, sir--
- I gotta get back to
my insurance coverage zone.
♫ Hey, Gus Porter, heading back to the land of the free,
♫ But a clotting disorder makes it a difficulty.
♫ The government support always comes up short
♫ So we're struggling through gangrene.
- I had a horrible dream I was surrounded by Socialists.
They were trying to kill me with their free medicine.
- How far did I get?
- About 17 and a half meters,
but luckily I was able to hydrate you back up
and stabilize your condition.
- Let it be noted,
Gus Porter did not consent to this illegal transfusion.
- Look, Mr. Porter, we're only trying to help here.
Your wound's infected.
You'll die without treatment.
- Now I have my own Canadian death panel
telling me when I'm gonna die.
- At least let me clean out your neck wound again, okay?
I got these antibiotics here.
- Oh, come on, man, really?
You're urinating on my medical supplies, man.
- Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to my America
where I pay for my insurance medical coverage.
♫ So he walked some more and he walked again
♫ And he walked and he walked, and he jogged and he walked
♫ And he dragged his feet and he lost a lot of blood
♫ And he tried to walk and he stumbled some more
♫ And he died twice but he got back up
♫ And he wasn't gonna let
♫ A bunch of Commie's sell him anything
♫ He didn't want to hear.
♫ So now he's finally dead but his spirit lives on
♫ Because he walked
- [Man] That's American legend.
♫ Gus Porter!