What could possibly go wrong with a live on-air proposal on the #earliestshow?
Published October 27, 2016 More Info »
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[ theme music ]
[man] Ladies and gentleman,
welcome to The Earliest Show
with Josh and Sam.
[ both voice sounds ]
- Take a seat Sam.
- Okay, if you say so.
Lauren Lapkus: Welcome to
The Earliest Show.
- Good morning.
- Or good night.
Ben Schwartz: It doesn't matter. We don't know.
Whatever you're doing right now.
Ben Schwartz: Josh Bath here,
and to my left is Sammi.
Lauren Lapkus: I'm Samantha Newman.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Ben Schwartz: My goodness.
Mark, you want to say
hello to everyone real quick.
Ben Schwartz: Mark our producer.
Thanks for being with us.
Lauren Lapkus: [Sam] I got
some bad news.
Ben Schwartz: What's some bad news?
Lauren Lapkus: I got a retraction from
a story we told yesterday.
Ben Schwartz: Hey Mark, stop giving
us stories that are
fake and phony, okay?
Ben Schwartz: We seem to be retracting--
[ laughs ]
Joe Hartzler: Take me away.
Ben Schwartz: [Josh] Okay.
What was it this time?
Lauren Lapkus: Well, we showed a photograph
of a kitten sitting inside
Lauren Lapkus: of a kangaroo's pouch.
Ben Schwartz: Let's show that
photograph one more time.
Let's look at it.
- Awww.
- Awwww.
Lauren Lapkus: Turns out
it's Photoshopped.
- That is Photoshopped.
- Not real.
Ben Schwartz: Mark, what happened?
We did a whole story about
how that kitten found
Ben Schwartz: a mom and that
mom was a kangaroo.
Is that all a lie?
Ben Schwartz: Someone has too much
time on their hands on the internet.
Ben Schwartz: [Josh] Was that you Mark?
- What?
Ben Schwartz: Did you make that pic?
Ben Schwartz: [Josh] Alright Mark.
You know what this
reminds me of?
Ben Schwartz: You see that cute
little baby kitty cat?
Ben Schwartz: Sam has something
called the kitty cam.
Ben Schwartz: Now what is this?
Let's cut to it right now.
Tell me what it is.
Lauren Lapkus: Now, this is the live
feed from my home.
Ben Schwartz: And just so we know,
that is your exact outfit?
Lauren Lapkus: That is. She is always
matching me perfectly.
Ben Schwartz: And so what is it--
You told me you buy
the cat outfits first,
Ben Schwartz: and then sew
your own outfits.
Lauren Lapkus: Exactly. To match.
Ben Schwartz: Yeah, but why not opposite?
Why not buy your outfits,
and then sew the tiny version?
Lauren Lapkus: I never thought of that.
- For real?
- I never thought of that.
Ben Schwartz: How about this?
This is a new story.
This can't be false, right Mark?
- You swear this is real?
- Yep.
Ben Schwartz: Real story. Here we come.
Coming at you. We got a scoop
on a new one.
Lauren Lapkus: We got a scoop.
It's a big old ice cream
scoop-pa-doo.
Ben Schwartz: I'll take two
scoops please.
Ben Schwartz: A little bit of
chocolaty cherry.
[ voicing sounds ]
Ben Schwartz: We do have a scoop
though for real, not ice cream.
- I'm lactose intolerant.
- Me too. Got the di-di.
Ben Schwartz: I get a little bit of di-di.
I would like to actually
get the ta-di.
Lauren Lapkus: I just eat ice cream
on the toilet.
Just saves me time.
Lauren Lapkus: Doctor's are saying...
well you know how
you walk up stairs?
Ben Schwartz: Yeah. Like this.
Hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba.
Lauren Lapkus: Yeah. They're saying
go like this.
Lauren Lapkus: Heebie, heebie, heebie. Walk on the sides.
Side step up the stairs, don't walk straight.
Ben Schwartz: So instead of heeba-hobba,
heeba-hobba, you want them to do?
[ voicing ]
Ben Schwartz: Side. Wouldn't you feel
like that would hurt your hip?
Lauren Lapkus: Look, I'll listen to
anything a doctor says.
Ben Schwartz: Really? What if a doctor says,
"5 out of 6 doctors agree
you should stop
Ben Schwartz: getting 12 hours of sleep.
That's too much."
Lauren Lapkus: I'm going to go see
where that 6th doctor is at.
Ben Schwartz: Don't tell anybody.
In the green room right now
my girlfriend Emily,
Ben Schwartz: who I talk about
all the time--
- We love Emily.
- You love her. We love--
Mark loves her, but hands off.
Ben Schwartz: Hands off or I'll
throw you to the ground.
Lauren Lapkus: [Sam] She's taken!
Ben Schwartz: Today, I brought Emily on the show.
She's in the green room.
She can't hear anything.
Ben Schwartz: Let's cut to her right now.
Can you see her?
Mark, can you cut to her please?
Ben Schwartz: Mark, you cut back to
the picture of the kangaroo.
Ben Schwartz: Nope, Mark that's
a picture of yourself.
Ben Schwartz: Fantastic. Right now she
can't hear us. She's waiting
in the green room, okay.
Ben Schwartz: That lovely woman is
about to be proposed to.
- I'm going to propose to
Emily today on the show.
- No you're not.
- I'm going to cry.
- Don't cry.
- I'm going to cry.
- Don't cry.
Ben Schwartz: She cries very weird.
I love how she cries. Go.
[ roaring ]
Ben Schwartz: Very big tears.
Stop crying. You okay?
- I can't help it--
- [Mark] Big heart.
- [Sam] --this is so romantic.
[Josh] I know.
I think, today...
Ben Schwartz: when our show ends will be
the beginning of the rest of my life.
- [ roaring ]
- Don't cry.
- I can't help it.
- You know what
makes me cry?
Ben Schwartz: Mark, play that music.
I think it's time to go over
to The Social Wall.
- Yeah.
- Let's go Mark.
- Let's Dance.
♪ ♪
Ben Schwartz: Okay. Welcome to
The Social Wall presented
by Cap'n Crunch.
- And away we go.
- Woo!
Ben Schwartz: @WhyNot266 writes:
Ben Schwartz: We just got done partying
and are about to go to sleep.
Ben Schwartz: How are you just starting your day?
What's your morning routine?
#EarliestShow
Ben Schwartz: And remember,
if you want to get a
hold of us, #EarliestShow.
[ indistinct talk ]
Ben Schwartz: My morning routine is
I wake up while it's
still dark outside,
Ben Schwartz: I sing a song right
in Emily's ear...
Ben Schwartz: ♪ Oh my God, Emily
it's time to do it ♪
Ben Schwartz: And she's supposed
to be asleep for way longer.
Ben Schwartz: She wakes up,
"So what's going on,"
Ben Schwartz: kiss her on the
lips and say gotcha.
- Ah. Next post.
- Next post.
Ben Schwartz: @DancingMachine21 writes:
Ben Schwartz: I love when you guys dance.
What's your favorite move?
#EarliestShow
Ben Schwartz: Oh, I don't know.
Maybe this one?
Lauren Lapkus: Okay. I think
mine's like this.
Lauren Lapkus: Next quesh.
Ben Schwartz: Next post.
Lauren Lapkus: @TalbotMoonsays:
Lauren Lapkus: I think my sister is cute.
Is that okay?
Ben Schwartz: Yeah.
Ben Schwartz: Follow-up question.
What are you going
to do about it?
Lauren Lapkus: Follow-up question.
You going to be a man
and ask her out?
Joe Hartzler: Guys, guys, guys.
Let's move forward.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
Ben Schwartz: Thank you guys so much
for hanging out at
The Social Wall.
Ben Schwartz: You know what?
A big surprise is
coming up soon.
Ben Schwartz: You know what it is.
Emily can't hear right now.
Let's cut to the green room.
Ben Schwartz: Can you see her?
Listen, very soon, I'm going
to ask that woman to be my wife.
Ben Schwartz: In the mean time,
we have an incredible
guest coming up.
Ben Schwartz: So stick around for
The Earliest Show.
Ben Schwartz: My life is going to change.
Hit the music and let's dance.
♪ ♪
Getting out of bed because
you have to eat sucks, right?
Well, now you don't
have to with Pillow Bowl.
Just poor your cereal,
say "Night-Night"
and wake up to a
delicious meal ready to eat.
Order now!
♪ ♪
Ben Schwartz: Welcome back to
The Earliest Show.
Ben Schwartz: Here we are. How are you Sam?
- I'm doing great.
How are you?
- I'm very excited,
Ben Schwartz: because we have
an incredible guest.
Ben Schwartz: A basketball player
that knows no bounds.
-point shooter.
Ben Schwartz: Incredible human being.
Ben Schwartz: Ladies and gentleman,
welcome to the stage,
Reggie Miller!
- Yes. Yes.
- [Reggie] Oh my God.
Ben Schwartz: I'm a raving fan.
- Oh my gosh.
- How are you doing Sam?
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
Ben Schwartz: Sure. I just want
to go around.
Ben Schwartz: Sorry, sorry.
Take a seat.
Lauren Lapkus: [Sam] You look so small.
- [Reggie] Thank you.
- [Josh] Cool.
[ shouting ]
Ben Schwartz: I'm a huge
basketball fan.
- I'm a huge basketball fan.
- Okay.
Ben Schwartz: I am from New York.
Ben Schwartz: So I, don't like you.
Ben Schwartz: One of my first questions
is how do you get suits?
Ben Schwartz: Is there one person that
makes them for all tall guys,
Ben Schwartz: or do you guys
use a big drape?
Lauren Lapkus: Yeah.
Reggie Miller: A big drape?
Ben Schwartz: Yeah, you got
[indistinct word]?
Lauren Lapkus: I do. You know, Reggie,
you're known for your clutch
3-point shooting,
Lauren Lapkus: now what do you mean?
Reggie Miller: You know, people know me
for my shooting and making
Reggie Miller: shots at the
end of games.
Reggie Miller: That's what they mean
by clutch shooting.
Ben Schwartz: Clutch. In the clutch.
Reggie Miller: Being back in the green room,
talk about clutch.
Ben Schwartz: What? Tell me.
- I saw Emily back there.
- She has no idea?
Reggie Miller: Zero.
Lauren Lapkus>[whispering]
His girlfriend is here.
- Are you scared?
- I don't know what to do.
Ben Schwartz: I'm almost certain,
like I've never felt love like
this before in my life
Ben Schwartz: where my whole body
feels so warm and I
want to just throw all up.
- Listen to me--
- Yeah.
Reggie Miller: This is going to be great,
but don't go in too aggressive.
- Not me. I'm cool dude.
- You cool? Have you thought it out?
- You should listen to him.
- Have you thought it out?
Ben Schwartz: Yeah.
Yeah-yeah-yeah.
Ben Schwartz: I'm going to get her up there,
and I'm going to get
Ben Schwartz: real serious and I'm going
to look her in the eyes, and I go,
Ben Schwartz: ♪ Baby, baby ♪
- No. No. Not the baby, baby.
- Yeah, of course not.
- Speak from here.
- For real?
- Talk from the heart.
- Okay.
Reggie Miller: Keep eye contact, right?
Women like--
[ she's flattered ]
Ben Schwartz: Ask Sam to marry you.
I just want to see what it feels like.
- Ask Sam to marry you.
- Ooh, I like this game.
- So Sam--
- Mmhmm.
Reggie Miller: I want to get down on--
See, that's--
- That's what you--
- She's crying for real. This is real.
Ben Schwartz: She thinks this real now Reggie.
Reggie, she thinks this is real.
Reggie Miller: Will you...
Reggie Miller: go to lunch with me?
Lauren Lapkus: Yes.
Lauren Lapkus: Ouchie.
Ben Schwartz: What do you think, Sam?
Lauren Lapkus: It works for me.
Ben Schwartz: You're red.
You're turning red.
Lauren Lapkus: I'm-- I'm...
Ben Schwartz: You're turning red.
You're a mess right now.
Ben Schwartz: Sam, come on.
Pull it together. Sam!
Ben Schwartz: Sam!
Lauren Lapkus: It was real.
It was real.
Joe Hartzler: We better do a commercial.
Let's go to a commercial break.
Ben Schwartz: Ladies and gentleman
we will be right back,
Ben Schwartz: and when we come back I'm
going to ask Emily to marry me.
Lauren Lapkus: Awww.
♪ ♪
Lauren Lapkus: [Sam] I want to
be in the wedding.
Joe Hartzler: [Mark] What was that lunch stuff?
That sucked.
Ben Schwartz: [Josh]] What do you
mean that sucked?
Lauren Lapkus: [Sam] I think he
invited me to lunch.
Joe Hartzler: [Mark] No one wants
to see that stuff.
Lauren Lapkus: [Sam] He invited--
It was romantic.
Ben Schwartz: [Josh] Do you
have a crush on Sam?
Joe Hartzler: [Mark] No.
Lauren Lapkus: Alright, it's time for a segment
we've all been waiting for.
Lauren Lapkus: I'm so excited.
Ben Schwartz: Okay, my girlfriend has been waiting
in the green room for a long time.
Ben Schwartz: And Mark, is she ready?
Ben Schwartz: Okay.
She hasn't heard anything?
Ben Schwartz: Okay.
Ben Schwartz: ♪ I'm talking
ladies and gentleman ♪
Ben Schwartz: ♪ Welcome to
the stage Emily ♪
♪ ♪
Ben Schwartz: Welcome to the stage, Emily.
Emily come out.
Ben Schwartz: Come out.
[Emily] Hey. What's going on?
Ben Schwartz: Okay.
- Hey Sam.
- Hiii.
- Hey.
- What's going on?
- You look gorgeous.
So beautiful.
- Thanks.
- Emily.
- Yeah.
Ben Schwartz: From the moment I saw you,
I knew that I wanted to be
with you for the rest of my life.
Ben Schwartz: I think in this world you have
to find a teammate that you can
experience the good and the bad with,
Ben Schwartz: and I think I found
my teammate in you.
Ben Schwartz: Okay.
Ben Schwartz: Okay.
- Oh my God.
- Here we go. Okay.
Ben Schwartz: Brian, you got this?
Ben Schwartz: Okay.
Ben Schwartz: Emily Fernandez...
Ben Schwartz: will you marry me?
[ bleep ]
Ben Schwartz: What does that--
Did you say yes?
- Did you say yes?
- I said [bleep].
Ben Schwartz: Huh?
- No--
- [ balloon pops ]
No. No.
No-- No, I'm sorry.
Ben Schwartz: What's wrong?
What's wrong?
Ben Schwartz: I said, would
you marry me?
[whispering] I know, but do you really
want to do this in front of everybody.
Ben Schwartz: Yes, I want to
know now why?
Ben Schwartz: Should I do it again?
No. No, what are
you talking about?
I don't even
know if this is real.
Ben Schwartz: What are you talking about?
This is real.
Yeah, but I don't know.
You're so fake all the time.
You act like you like everything,
and that's just impossible.
- I don't like everything.
- Yeah. Yeah. You like
every single movie,
every single book,
every single everything--
Ben Schwartz: I don't like this.
I don't like this.
--I just want you to
not like something.
Ben Schwartz: I don't like this.
I don't like this moment.
Every time I want to have
a real conversation with you
you don't even listen to me.
You burst out in song, and it--
Ben Schwartz: I never sing.
You did when
I came out here.
[ indistinct talking ]
- It's so embarrassing.
- So.
Look. I already packed my stuff.
I'm going to go and stay
with my sister again.
I'm taking the dog...
'cause it's my dog, and...
I'm really sorry.
I didn't-- It's pretty.
Thank you. I'm sorry.
Do not call me. Okay?
Lauren Lapkus: That went a little bit awry.
[chuckles] I'll take that.
Lauren Lapkus: Wow. Not how
we wanted it.
Lauren Lapkus: Hey, that's our show.
Tune in tomorrow for more
guests and mischief.
Lauren Lapkus: Good night and
good morning!
Lauren Lapkus: [Sam] That was bad.
I'm so sorry.
- [Josh] This sucks.
- [Sam] Exactly.
Joe Hartzler: [Mark] And we're clear.
Lauren Lapkus: Oh good.
Okay, I'm so, so sorry.
Joe Hartzler: [Mark] Wow.
Our phones are ringing
like crazy.
Joe Hartzler: What a-- Wow.
A lot of reaction.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Lauren Lapkus: Okay, I'm going to
call the jewelry place.
Lauren Lapkus: [Sam] Thank you.
[ clearing throat in distance ]
♪ ♪
Ben Schwartz: Can you sing?
'Cause we do harmonies.
- No, I can't really.
- Great. Let's sing.
Hey man.
You alright?
You're making a bunch
of noise over here.
[ singing, voicing an instrumental ]
- [he's winning]
- No-no-no...
Pedro, Pedro, Pedro...
I can't wait to show
you what I did.
Ben Schwartz: [Josh] Ahhhh.
...and a little.
Tiny little...
- [ singing ]
- Aaah!
- They can pour chocolate
all over me!
- ...get it off your body.

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