Gather 'round all y'all
idgits and bitches out there
cause it's time to expose yourself
to another one of my informatuative
How I Seize It.
And here in the red hot flesh
is your #1 drankin' buddy, Loretta Jenkins.
Now tonight, let's get some politicalness
up in this here toolshed
and tackle this thing that took the place
of the abortion argument
and that's that shit they call
'stem cell research.'
I mean, they just come take these
little bitty itty teeny-tiny little cells
and they make organs out of them...
...and saves lives!
But them panties-in-a-bunch
Super-Christians out there
that's so bored with they own lives
they gotta go invent somethin' else to bitch about...
That's a life!
Y'all doctors can't be playin' God!"
Why we put bans on that shit?
If it saves lives, let's do it!
And Roe V. Wade,
he's done already President of
what is and what is not Life.
I mean, it's already been settled!
Eye for an eye mother fuckers.
It work in reverse, too!
Y'all idgits ever think to your simple selves
for just one goddamn minute
that if anything was made to be
against God's Laws, than why in the fuck
would he make some of us smart enough
to figure out hows to do it?
Get some sense out there!
Y'alls why I's an alcoholic.
Send me some goddamn beer money,
and why you at it, Click-
Alright, let me stop the debates right there.
Right here and now.
Stem cells ain't even got no heartbeat.
You know what they call somethin'
in a hospital that ain't got no heartbeat...
And when somethin' dead,
we just toss it in the dirt or set it on fire
so what the damn hells you cares for anyway?
Ain't your cells...
Tell me in the bible where is says
that stem cells is a race of people, huh?
What chapter is that?
Deuteromody, Joshua, Judges, Ruth,
1st 2nd Samuel, Si-
It probably in that Leviticus bullshit!
I think if God is so Almighty,
that he can create the Universe
and everything in it,
then he's probably smart enough to
specifically put in the Good Book
what he do and don't want instead of
leavin' it up to us lesser beings to figure out.
And if you don't agree,
then I reckon that's between
you and your creator,
but I don't think it's rightly Christian of y'all
to question the word of God,
Chew on that slab of think-fat.
I mean hells, you brush your hai
and what falls out?
And what's a hair?
It's just a cell-
I mean it's a teeny weeny tiny little cell.
If a cell can grow me a new live
on the back of some measly old mouse
that my insurance is gonna pay for anyway
and it's MY cell-
You can't tell me what to do with me!
Ain't they make sheep or a goat
from out of nowheres with a cell?
Shit, that shit's cool.
I'd have probably stayed in school
at least til the Freshman year if they'd
had a science like that back then.
Was it a sheep?
Yep, I think it had two heads!
I don't know. I can't remember.
All my memories kinda gets
all blurred up in there.
I don't know why...
Might've been all them poppers I did
back in junior high or middle school,
whatever they call it.
I think they breed a peach
and a plum before.
I think clonin' is a good idea,
cause you could just like take your brains out,
stick it in another body every yea
like for your Christmas present,
and just live on and on and ever forever
and so on and moreforth
and on and on
and then infinity!
Hell, that's the meanin' of life!
I wonder if I could get George Clooney
to sends me a lock of hair,
if I could clone me a fuckbud dopplegange
and keep it tied up
for when I'm horny!
Hey y'all, that's a good business idea.
Has y'all got any idea how many
faggots and lonely housewives
would pay to fuck a Clooney clone?
A bunch of them!
And they'll pay top dollars!
Where my goddamn idea pen?
I'm supposed to write them all down,
all my good ideas, before the liquor gets them.
See! That's what I'm talkin' about.
That's why we need stem cells.
So the ones of us needs to replace
some of the ones we already destroyed.
And that's How I Seize It.