Danny DeVito & The Contract

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The video opens with a black screen. The time 3:30 PM appears on the screen in white text followed by On a Friday.

Rob McElhenney: Alright, so I was thinking that we would give lefty the whole Friday speech.

Charlie Day: I’m worried that we’re going to tip that he’s the dumb guy.

The shot cuts to Rob McElhenney and Charlie Day sitting in a trailer.

Charlie Day: You know what I mean, and that’s like the funny…that’s like one of the funniest things.

Rob McElhenney: All right. No, you’re probably right. All right, let’s just leave it then.

There is a knock on the trailer door and Charlie Day opens the door. An assistant is at the door and talks to Charlie Day.

Charlie Day: Yeah?

Assistant: Hey, Dan would like to see you in his trailer.

Charlie Day: Danny?

Assistant: Yeah.

Charlie Day: OK.

Assistant: Bye

Charlie Day: That’s weird.

Rob McElhenney: It’s your turn, bro.

Charlie Day: My turn for what?

Rob McElhenney: It’s your turn to blow DeVito.

Charlie Day laughs and responds sarcastically.

Charlie Day: Yeah.

Rob McElhenney: Hurry up. Go do it and get back here because we’ve got tons of work to do.

Charlie Day: What the fuck you talking about dude?

Rob McElhenney: Are you kidding me Charlie? Third season! He does the third season we blow him. It’s in the contract.

Charlie Day: I don’t read the contracts. You read that whole contract.

Rob McElhenney: What do you mean you didn’t read the contract? Are you kidding me, Charlie?

Charlie Day: That’s like a, a bunch of pages of lawyer mumbo jumbo!

Rob McElhenney: Yes, well…

Charlie Day: You read the contract!

Rob McElhenney: Yes, of course I read the contract!

Charlie Day: You read the whole thing word for word! It’s like twenty pages long!

Rob McElhenney grabs a copy of the contract.

Rob McElhenney: Article 8, subsection B. At the commencement third season services for the work of Mr. DeVito, blowjobs must be performed on Mr. DeVito by all executive producers here thereof.

Rob McElhenney offers Charlie day the contract.

Charlie Day: Let me see that.

Rob McElhenney: Dude, it’s better if you don’t fight it. Trust me.

Charlie Day: Why the fuck did we ever agree to this?

Rob McElhenney: We’ve already shot like half the third season. If you don’t do it, he’s gonna walk. Just go blow him and get back here! We have so much work to do.

Charlie Day: Right, maybe I can talk him out of it.

Rob McElhenney: That’s what I thought.

Charlie Day leaves the trailer and the shot cuts to him knocking on Danny DeVito’s trailer door. Danny DeVito opens the door dressed in bathrobe, eating chips.

Danny DeVito: Oh, hi. Charlie, come on, let’s go.

Charlie Day: Holy Jesus, dude. Look, I didn’t read my contract. You know what I mean? Like, is there any way you can let it slide or…

Danny DeVito: So what you didn’t read your contract? Don’t take it out on me. Take it out on your agent.

Danny DeVito roots around for a minute and hands Charlie Day a container of Vaseline.

Danny DeVito: Here, lube up those lips.

Charlie Day: Vaseline?

Danny DeVito: Yeah.

Charlie Day: Are you serious?

Danny DeVito: It feels good. Come on.

Charlie Day Well, eh, eh, you’re married man, alright. Think about that, huh. Think about your wife. Think about Mrs. Rhea Perlman. Right? Don’t you think she’s going to be pissed at you?

Danny DeVito: Think so? Ask her?

Danny DeVito looks back into his trailer.

Charlie Day: What?

Charlie Day climbs up into the trailer.

Danny DeVito: Come on, get in.

Charlie Day enters the trailer to see Rhea Perlman adjusting a video camera.

Rhea Perlman: Sit down on the toilet and do your job you little bitch.

The camera turns to reveal Fred Savage sitting on a couch and eating pizza.

Fred Savage: Come on Charlie. Be a sport.

Charlie Day: What the fuck is Fred Savage doing here?

Fred Savage: Oh, I’m just here to watch.

Danny DeVito: Go on, get over there. Go on. Get!

Rhea Perlman laughs maniacally and is joined by Fred Savage and Danny DeVito. Charlie Day smears Vaseline on his lips.

Charlie Day: Motherfucker!

The shot focuses on Danny DeVito removing his robe. The audio track slows down to make Danny DeVito’s laughter sound satanic. The shot cuts to a black screen with “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” in white text. It cuts over to text that says “Season three begins in September. Only on FX.”