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If Rick Santorum runs for President on an anti-gay platform, Dan Savage will have no choice but to redefine his first name now, too.
Published July 26, 2011 500k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring - Dan Savage, Rick Fox, Ricki Lake, Andy Richter, Rick Dees
Also Featuring: Tony Baack, Edward Joyce & Bart McCarthy
Written by Dan Savage & Chris Kelly
Directed by Chris Kelly
Executive Producer: Mike Farah
Produced By - Ally Hord
DP - Mike Manasewitsch
AC - Mike Karnell
G&E - Craig Pentak, Shane Houghton
B Cam Op - Elliot Dickerhoof, Jordan Martin
PA - Lorne Russell, Taylor Robinson
Sound - BoTown
Hair/MU - Genevieve Lamb
Edited by Dave Patton and Pat Bishop

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Exclusive.

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>: Hey Senator Rick Santorum, Dan Savage
here.

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You're probably still mad at me about what
happened in 2003.

4

>: Santorum made a reference to gay

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sex and compared it to pedophilia and
bestiality.

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After that, gay sex columnist, Dan Savage

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started a campaign to rename the word
Santorum.

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And now the first two hits you

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get are about the filthiest sexual
neologism possible.

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>: And now you're out there running for

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president with what folks are calling a
Google problem.

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I know you think that I came down pretty
hard on you Rick.

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>: There are vile people out there who do
horrible things, it's unfortunate that

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some people thought it'd be a big joke to
to make fun of my name.

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>: But I think I displayed remarkable
restraint.

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I only redefined your last name.

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I could have redefined your first name
too.

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I still could.

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But tell you what, I won't re-define Rick

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if you don't attack gay people during your
campaign.

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Now I've already come up with a new
definition

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for Rick, just in case you don't behave
yourself.

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I had a few Ricks come to my office, so I
could run the new definition by them.

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Here's how it went.

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I apologize in advance, Rick.

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All right?

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Here we go.

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Rick, noun: when a man and a woman have
both their genitals fully

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stimulated and, [SOUND], that have that
kind of milkiness that comes from day

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old sweat and, [SOUND], and they're in the
position where she can't get

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her, [SOUND], back out, unless his inner

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sphincters are relaxed and, [SOUND],
without crying.

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And if there's blood, then he needs to,
[SOUND], with a piece of

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Turkey Jerky which will still [SOUND] and
smell like burning hair and [SOUND]

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and eating dolphin meat off the back of a
cat that keeps [SOUND]

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and scooping out just anus-loads of
[SOUND],

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while a couple next to them [SOUND].

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Look Rick, you don't need another Google
problem.

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If you can get all the way through this

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campaign without man-on-dogging us, I will
tear this definition up.

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If you can't bring yourself to do it for
me

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Rick, do it for all the other Ricks out
there.

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>: Please, don't make Dan Savage mad.

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Cuz I know a thing or two about dribbling
balls, I, it's what I did for a living.

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And I don't want dribbling balls to be a
part of the definition of my name.

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>: I own the website Rick.com.

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I don't want people showing up there after
googling [SOUND].

48

>: I know you are having a lot of trouble
raising money for your campaign.

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But please, don't ruin the name Rick.

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It affects all of us.

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Even us lady Ricks.

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>: I know my name isn't Rick, but the new
definition is so disgusting that even

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just having the sound Rick in the first
half of my last name is scary enough.

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>: Senator Santorum.

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>: Please don't make Dan Savage mad.

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>: And don't make your campaign be about
being anti-gay.

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>: So the ball's in your court Richard
John Santorum,

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leave us gays alone or I change the
definition of Rick.

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And it's not like you can start going by
Dick Santorum, is it?

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