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If Rick Santorum runs for President on an anti-gay platform, Dan Savage will have no choice but to redefine his first name now, too.
Published July 26, 2011 500k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring - Dan Savage, Rick Fox, Ricki Lake, Andy Richter, Rick Dees
Also Featuring: Tony Baack, Edward Joyce & Bart McCarthy
Written by Dan Savage & Chris Kelly
Directed by Chris Kelly
Executive Producer: Mike Farah
Produced By - Ally Hord
DP - Mike Manasewitsch
AC - Mike Karnell
G&E - Craig Pentak, Shane Houghton
B Cam Op - Elliot Dickerhoof, Jordan Martin
PA - Lorne Russell, Taylor Robinson
Sound - BoTown
Hair/MU - Genevieve Lamb
Edited by Dave Patton and Pat Bishop

Exclusive.

> Hey Senator Rick Santorum, Dan Savage
here.
You're probably still mad at me about what
happened in 2003.

> Santorum made a reference to gay
sex and compared it to pedophilia and
bestiality.
After that, gay sex columnist, Dan Savage
started a campaign to rename the word
Santorum.
And now the first two hits you
get are about the filthiest sexual
neologism possible.

> And now you're out there running for
president with what folks are calling a
Google problem.
I know you think that I came down pretty
hard on you Rick.

> There are vile people out there who do
horrible things, it's unfortunate that
some people thought it'd be a big joke to
to make fun of my name.

> But I think I displayed remarkable
restraint.
I only redefined your last name.
I could have redefined your first name
too.
I still could.
But tell you what, I won't re-define Rick
if you don't attack gay people during your
campaign.
Now I've already come up with a new
definition
for Rick, just in case you don't behave
yourself.
I had a few Ricks come to my office, so I
could run the new definition by them.
Here's how it went.
I apologize in advance, Rick.
All right?
Here we go.
Rick, noun: when a man and a woman have
both their genitals fully
stimulated and, [SOUND], that have that
kind of milkiness that comes from day
old sweat and, [SOUND], and they're in the
position where she can't get
her, [SOUND], back out, unless his inner
sphincters are relaxed and, [SOUND],
without crying.
And if there's blood, then he needs to,
[SOUND], with a piece of
Turkey Jerky which will still [SOUND] and
smell like burning hair and [SOUND]
and eating dolphin meat off the back of a
cat that keeps [SOUND]
and scooping out just anus-loads of
[SOUND],
while a couple next to them [SOUND].
Look Rick, you don't need another Google
problem.
If you can get all the way through this
campaign without man-on-dogging us, I will
tear this definition up.
If you can't bring yourself to do it for
me
Rick, do it for all the other Ricks out
there.

> Please, don't make Dan Savage mad.
Cuz I know a thing or two about dribbling
balls, I, it's what I did for a living.
And I don't want dribbling balls to be a
part of the definition of my name.

> I own the website Rick.com.
I don't want people showing up there after
googling [SOUND].

> I know you are having a lot of trouble
raising money for your campaign.
But please, don't ruin the name Rick.
It affects all of us.
Even us lady Ricks.

> I know my name isn't Rick, but the new
definition is so disgusting that even
just having the sound Rick in the first
half of my last name is scary enough.

> Senator Santorum.

> Please don't make Dan Savage mad.

> And don't make your campaign be about
being anti-gay.

> So the ball's in your court Richard
John Santorum,
leave us gays alone or I change the
definition of Rick.
And it's not like you can start going by
Dick Santorum, is it?

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