Starring Zach Galifianakis & Ben Stiller Produced by Scott Aukerman & BJ Porter Directed by Daniel Strange Crew: Brian Murray and Paul Rondeau Special Thanks: Mike Farah, Christin Trogan, and Liz Mahoney
The video opens with the following text – BETWEEN TWO FERNS with Zach
Galifianakis. The text fades out to show Zach Galifianakis and Ben
Stiller seated between two ferns.
Zach Galifianakis: Hello, my name is Zach Galifianakis and this is
another edition of Between Two Ferns. My guest today is Ben Stickler,
Stiffler, uh, Stiller. Ben Stiller?
The shot cuts to Ben Stiller and the text – Ben Stiller Actor, “Duplex” -
appears beneath him.
Ben Stiller: Yeah, Stiller.
Zach Galifianakis: It'd be cool if you like changed your last name to
Ben Stiller: Yeah. Yeah right.
Zach Galifianakis: You get it?
Ben Stiller: I do get it. Yeah. It'd be, if I was from the South. You're
from the south, right?
Zach Galifianakis: No.
Ben Stiller: Then it would be better, because it'd be like been there,
Zach Galifianakis: Are you making fun of the South?
Ben Stiller: Not at all.
Zach Galifianakis: Because people down there, they wouldn't like that.
Ben Stiller: No, no, no.
Zach Galifianakis: And they're stupid enough to go to your fucking
movies. (sighs) Bad Start.
Ben Stiller remains completely silent.
Zach Galifianakis: What are the things that get on your nerves, like
when people ask you to do things at interviews?
Ben Stiller tries to answer several times and is cut off by Zach
Zach Galifianakis: Because I thought it'd be cool, because you've
probably never been asked this before, is to do the Blue Steel look from
Ben Stiller: From what?
Zach Galifianakis: From Jewlander. The Blue Steel look. Do you do that a
Ben Stiller: Oh, do you mean Jew Steel?
Zach Galifianakis: Is it Jew Steel? Oh, they told me Blue Steel. I
haven't seen the movie. Jew Steel. Do the Jew Steel look from
Bluelander. You ever been on the internet before?
Ben Stiller: I've looked up a few things.
Zach Galifianakis: Not like looked online, but have you ever been on it?
Like acted on a show?
Ben Stiller: Oh, like been a show?
Zach Galifianakis: Yeah.
Ben Stiller: No. It just feels to me, a lot of the time that there's
people who are doing so much, putting so much effort into producing a
series or a show or something that hardly anybody is going to see.
Zach Galifianakis looks more and more distressed as Ben Stiller delivers
Ben Stiller: You know? You know what I mean?
Zach Galifianakis: What are you plugging? I don't even know what you're
hear talking about. You're hear talking about Jewla...
Ben Stiller: No, no, no. I'm here talking about Greenberg.
Zach Galifianakis: Two, two years ago.
Ben Stiller: Five years ago. Greenberg is coming out now.
Zach Galifianakis: Well, what's Greenberg?
Ben Stiller: Greenberg...
Zach Galifianakis: Oh, Greenberg. So, here is a clip from Greenberg.
Ben Stiller: Great. Okay, good.
The “clip” begins and there is only audio. Ben Stiller's voice can be
heard speaking to unidentified third parties.
Unidentified Woman (from clip): Hey Greenberg, what are you doing these
Ben Stiller (from clip): You know, I've been in New York, but right now,
I'm really trying to do nothing for a while.
Unidentified Woman (from clip): That's brave at our age.
Ben Stiller (to Zach Galifianakis): Where's the uh...
Zach Galifianakis: Keep your fucking mouth shut.
Ben Stiller (from clip): I don't understand what happened to me.
Unidentified Man (from clip): It's huge, to finally embrace the life you
never planned on.
The “clip” ends with the sound of door closing.
Zach Galifianakis: That looks good. That looks really good.
Ben Stiller: Maybe you could get a video clip to show too, just because
it might make more sense.
Zach Galifianakis: I thought about that.
Ben Stiller: Mmm-hmmm, and then what?
Zach Galifianakis: It's too much trouble. Was that somebody opening a
door? What was that sound?
Ben Stiller: It sounded like a car door.
Zach Galifianakis: There's a car in the movie?
Ben Stiller: There is a car in the movie.
Zach Galifianakis: Cool.
Ben Stiller: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Zach Galifianakis: What kind of car is it?
Ben Stiller: I, you know, whatever.
Zach Galifianakis: Oh cool. What movie in your career, if you don't mind
me asking, and then I'll do mine, have you been in that you're not that
crazy about, that you've done.
Ben Stiller: Um, it's a movie called Highway to Hell.
Zach Galifianakis: Mine's Night at the Museum 2.
Ben Stiller: Mmm-hmmm. I thought you were referring to movies that we
were actually in.
Zach Galifianakis: No, the movies that you've been in.
Ben Stiller: Oh. Okay. It's too bad, because Night at the Museum 3,
they're casting that one now, and there's this role, this little
lighthouse attendant, he's about four foot one, grumpy.
Zach Galifianakis: Can I be in it?
Ben Stiller: You can definitely read for it.
Zach Galifianakis: Do you want my email address?
Ben Stiller: Um, I'll have them get in touch with you.
Zach Galifianakis: Don't be off-put by this email address. This was from
before I knew you.
Ben Stiller: Okay.
Zach Galifianakis: Just email me here and when does it shoot?
Ben Stiller: Your email, this is your email address?
Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, this is, I didn't even uh...
Ben Stiller: Your email address is email@example.com?
Zach Galifianakis: Yep. firstname.lastname@example.org was already taken,
so I had to add 69 at the end.
Ben Stiller: Okay, good.
Zach Galifianakis: So you're a healthy eater. I'm a big, I like to eat
healthy these days.
Ben Stiller: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Zach Galifianakis: For breakfast I had, guess what I had for breakfast?
Ben Stiller: Um...egg yellows. No?
Zach Galifianakis: I had two waffles and a pancake.
Ben Stiller: Two waffles and a pancake.
Zach Galifianakis: Do you wish that you had ever followed your parents
Ben Stiller stares at Zach Galifianakis for moment and says nothing.
Zach Galifianakis: Taken that route? Comedy route?
Ben Stiller removes his microphone from his shirt.
Ben Stiller: Okay, I'm done.
Zach Galifianakis: Going to the bathroom?
Ben Stiller: No, no, no. I'm leaving.
Ben Stiller struggles with the microphone wire briefly before dropping
it onto a table between the chairs.
Ben Stiller: Thank you.
Zach Galifianakis: You're welcome.
Ben Stiller gets up and walks off camera. Zach Galifianakis picks up the
microphone Ben Stiller was using and begins speaking into it.
Zach Galifianakis: What? Are you going to go tint your limousine windows
with diamond encrusted tint.
Fake laughter is heard in the background before the material behind Zach
Galifianakis is struck repeatedly. Zach Galifianakis jumps up out of
Zach Galifianakis: Okay, okay.
Zach Galifianakis sits back down and is hit in the head as the material
is struck one last time. The shot cuts to the BETWEEN TWO FERNS with
Zach Galifianakis text and then the video fades to black.