Tolan and Max -- How to Pick up a Latin Chick

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T: Man, that girl is hot
M: Ay, chica es muy caliente
T: I should go talk to he
M: Voy a hablar con ella
T: Hey girl
M: Hola
T: What’s up
M: Que pasa chica
T: What’s your name?
M: Cual es tu nobre
T: That’s a pretty name
M: Tu nombre, es muy bonita
T: My name, is Rodrigo
M: Digame Papi

Latin Chorus:

Ooooh, lady from the South
I’d like to get acquainted with the inside of your mouth
Your body’s so fine and that ass real phat,
I saw your pretty face and in my pants I almost shat
Ooooh, lady from below
Just let me get naked and I’ll give you a show
That sexy accent is driving me wild
Let’s do naughty things that might result in a child

M: But hopefully won’t result in child in this particular situation.

T: Where you from?
M: Donde vives?
T: Do you like it there?
M: Te gusta alli?
T: Where do you go to school?
M: Donde vas a escuela?
T: Do you like it there?
M: Te gusta alli?
T: What’s your major?
M: Cual es to concentracion?
T: Do you like it?
M: Te gusta?
T: (sarcastically) Boy, isn’t Semester at Sea fun?
M: (sarcastically) Semester at Sea es muy divertido, verdad?

(pause, exhasperated sigh)

T: Sure, I’d love to hear you talk about your pet bird Chip
M: Boooooooring.

LATIN CHORUS

M: And when we say phat, we mean that with a ph. Like the way rappers say it. As a compliment!

Tolan does not play guitar. Max looks at Tolan in confusion.

T: Dude, we’ve been to all these Asian countries and seen so many beautiful women, I think we have to give them a shout-out.

Asian Chorus

Ooooh, lady from the East
I’d like to stick my chopsticks in your rice to say the least
Your long black hear and your legs like woah
I love that you wear short skirts even in the snow
Ooooh, lady from the Right
I wanna sing you karaoke every single night
Your silky smooth skin is only found in Hong Kong
The sight of you makes the blood rush to my (pause) head


M: Let me buy you dinner would it be so wrong,
I’m leaving tomorrow gotta use my dong
T: So hey Mamma, hey, let’s go get some sushi,
Then we can enjoy a pirated movie.
M: My hair may not have body or be delicately styled
And last I checked my nails aren’t filed
T: But here I’m tall and strong, locals stare in shock
Come on, baby, lets make our lips lock.
M: Babe I love you so I wanna make you my lady
Let’s go make a pretty half-Asian baby
You know they’re the cutest ones, that’s why Brangelina stole 2!

T: (Asian Nonsense) Ni haw, Xin Jao, Konichiwa, Arregato Gozai Mas

M: I don’t think she’s getting it

T: I’ll try something else, follow my lead
(slowly and loudly) Do you, you, want to dance with me (M gets up and gestures)
Can I buy you a drink (M gestures)
Can I kiss you (T gestures)
(M shakes head humping gesture)

M and T: Ooooh, lady from the East
I’d like to stick my chopsticks in your rice to say the least
Your long black hear and your legs like woah
I love that you wear short skirts even in the snow

Ooooh, lady from the South
I’d like to get acquainted with the inside of your mouth
That sexy accent is driving me wild
Let’s do naughty things that might result in a child

Final portion sang in light acapella

Ooooh, ladies on the ship
We’ve got nothing lately and we’re sick of this shit
M: I’m in 3134 come a knockin’ at my doo
T: And I’m in 3148, but I have a girlfriend, so you can’t knock at my door
It’d probably be kinda awkward (?)

Ooooh, ladies in my life
If I could, then I would make each you my wife
There’s enough of me to go around, you know that’s it’s true
Together forever babies (pause, slow down) because I love orgies.