The video opens with a shot of Jordan Peele. He is sitting with the
Oval Office pictured in the background. Jordan Peele is wearing a dark
suit and red tie, in the style of Barack Obama.
Jordan Peele: My fellow Americans, now there has been some debate in
this country about whether or not I was actually born here in the
United States. I get it. ******It's a valid question, so to stop this
silly debate, behold a birth certificate. Get it onto the compute
A birth certificate appears on the screen. It indicates that Barack Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii.
Jordan Peele (voiceover): Boom. *****To reference a boss, birthed from US citizens.******
The shot cuts back to Jordan Peele sitting in the Oval Office.
Jordan Peele: Now that there are no more distractions, I would like to
address some other equally valid concerns about me. First, am I a
vampire? Steve, can I have a mirror.
Someone offscreen hands a mirror to Jordan Peele. Jordan Peele holds the mirror up so his face can be seen in it.
Jordan Peele: Now, as you know, vampires have no reflections. There I
am, right there. So, that is proof. Next valid concern: on the day I
was elected, some Republicans started saying it was opposite day. But,
if you think about calling an opposite day on opposite day, well,
that’s going to go ahead and make it a normal day. I will agree. I’ve
gotten everything. Nessie. Gizmo. Mephistopheles. Santa Claus. Easte
Bunny. Tooth fairy. People have thought I was a Sacha Baron Cohen
character. Bigfoot. Yeti. Sasquatch. Mud golem, which I don’t care for.
There are also some rumors that I am a Cylon and that’s a tough one.
There’s no test for that. You’re just going to have to trust me, but if
we have learned anything it’s that Cylons and humans share simila
struggles. Their trust and hope is similarly challenged by a complex
world. OK, I am a Cylon, but I was technically born, made, born in
Hawaii and there’s nothing in the Constitution that says a Cylon can’t
be President. So, aloha America.