Starring Michaela Watkins Featuring Nick Kroll, John Bowie, Michael Hitchcock, Craig Anstett, Jordan Rubin, Jim Turner, Jamie Nakamura and Too Short Directed by Jill Soloway Written by Diablo Cody Produced by Lauren Palmigiano and Christin Trogan Director of Photography: Antonio Scarlata Stedicam Operator: Alex Sax Edited by: Dan Maurio and Danny Jelinek Assistant Director: Justin Oberman Art Director: Mark Larkin Sound: BoTown Sound Makeup: Kat Bardot Assistant Camera: Tony Oberstar Gaffer: Kevin Stewart G&E: Ricky Rosheim Assistant to Ms Soloway: Heather Marion Production Assistant: Elliot Dickerhoof Extras: Galeit Sehayek, David Iserson, Ryan Braun, Anthony McCarthy, Ryan Caldwell, Zandy Ariss, Daniel Gamez, and Chris Mollica Special Thanks to David Weintraub, Emily Shur, Cynthia Campoy Brophy, Margrit Polak
The video opens with Michaela Watkins sitting in a car, looking dejected.
Michaela Watkins (voiceover): Everything is falling apart.
The shot cuts to Michaela Watkins standing on a porch outside a house. A man is carrying two kids toward a car.
Michaela Watkins (voiceover): I've got two kids I can't afford. An ex-husband who doesn't do crap for me...
The shot cuts to Michaela Watkins in bed, eating yogurt and watching
Judge Judy. She is looking at a magazine featuring an article about a
super rich woman.
Michaela Watkins (voiceover): ...and irritable bowel syndrome with constipation.
The shot cuts to Jim Turner standing at the front of a classroom.
Jim Turner: You are about to become a millionaire. The secret is in you.
The shot cuts to Jane, sitting in the classroom. The shot cuts to the following text: FROM THE PEOPLE WHO WATCHED HUNG.
Jim Turner (voiceover): It could be a talent or a gift.
The shot cuts to Michaela Watkins at the office of a gynecologist,
played by Michael Hitchcock. Michaela Watkins in reclined on a table and
Michael Hitchcock is at the end of the table with a speculum.
Michael Hitchcock: Scooch down.
Michaela Watkins scooches down.
Michael Hitchcock: Little more. (Michaela Watkins scooches) Little more.
(Michaela Watkins scooches) Little more. (Michaela Watkins scooches)
Little more. (Michaela Watkins scooches) Little more. (Michaela Watkins
Michael Hitchcock leans in to do the examination and then pops back up with a stunned look on his face.
Michaela Watkins: Is everything okay, doctor?
Michael Hitchcock: Let me try a smaller instrument, okay?
Michael Hitchcock grabs the smallest speculum in the cabinet. He tries
again and the speculum pops out and flies across the room.
Michael Hitchcock: Oh, I'm going to need the children's speculum.
Michael Hitchcock holds up a pair of eyelash curlers. The shot cuts to
the following text: A NEW SERIES. The shot cuts back to the examination
Michaela Watkins: What's wrong?
The shot cuts to Michael Hitchcock, who looks astounded.
Michael Hitchcock: Ma'am, you have the tightest vagina I have ever seen.
The shot cuts back to Michaela Watkins, who raises her eyebrows. The
shot cuts to the following text: TIGHT. The shot cuts to John Bowie
having sex with Michaela Watkins, who is eating spaghetti.
John Bowie: This is almost, this is almost too tight.
The shot cuts to Jordan Rubin having sex with Michaela Watkins, who is doing something on her iPhone.
Jordan Rubin: I feel like there's a tight vagina inside your tight vagina.
The shot cuts to Michaela Watkins checking a carton milk at the fridge.
The shot pulls back to reveal that she is squatting over Too Short. Too
Short's phone rings and he answers it.
Too Short: Hello. No. I'm just fucking this tight-ass pussy.
The shot cuts to Michaela Watkins trimming her toenails while having
sex. The shot then cuts to Michaela Watkins cleaning out a litter box.
The shot pulls back to show Nick Kroll is behind her.
Nick Kroll: Yeah, it's so tight. It's so much tighter than I thought it
was going to be. (begins weeping) Why do you insist on hurting me with
your tight pussy. Because I'm paying you? Is that why?
The shot cuts someone knocking on Michaela Watkins front door. The shot
pulls back to reveal a line of men and women waiting outside. The shot
cuts back to the doctors office where Michaela Watkins is handing over
money to Michael Hitchcock.
Michaela Watkins: And here's your cut. Five hundred. Six hundred. There.
Michael Hitchcock: We're booked solid this week. You're a superstar, Jane. Thank God for your tight, toned piss-flaps.
The shot cuts to Michaela Watkins standing on her porch.
Michael Hitchcock (voiceover): So why'd your husband ever leave you anyways?
Michaela Watkins (voiceover): He found someone tighter.
The shot cuts to a middle aged man standing next to young, Asian man.
The young man waves. The shot cuts to the following text: TIGHT CLAMPING
DOWN ON SUNDAYS THIS FALL.