James Van Der Beek is sorry he was such a good guy when he was Dawson Leery on... more »
James Van Der Beek is sorry he was such a good guy when he was Dawson Leery on Dawson's Creek, but now you can hire him as your "Asshole for Hire" to help your girlfriend realize how great you are. All part of Vanderweek here on Funny Or Die, for more of James visit http://www.jamesvandermemes.com/ « less
Starring James Van Der Beek Written and Directed by Chad Carter Produced by Christin Trogan & Betsy Koch Director of Photography: Antonio Scarlata Edited by Justin Donaldson Featuring Derek Johnson, Bob Turton, Josh Rachford, Stephanie Mayer, Kirsten Barrie, Rebecca Zamolo, & Rachel Hastings Testimonials: Brian Guest, Jonothan Avigdori, & Matt KcKenna Restaurant Patrons: Caitlin Kimball, Peter Moses, Frank Capello, Elliot Dickerhoof, Elizabeth Lanteri, Mark Stablein, & Ashley Grashaw First AD: Greg Kindra First AC: Ray Lee Sound: Steve Pawell & BoTown Sound Grip and Electric: Kevin Stewart, Ricky Fosheim, Tom Pena, Brett Lopez, Ryan Ovadia, & Garrett Shannon Production Design: Alexi Gomez & Caity Birmingham Wardrobe: Aubrey Binzer Makeup: Sara Irving Production Assistants: Elliot Dickerhoof, Elizabeth Lanteri, Andrew Furtado, Sean O'Reilly, & Sam Varela Executive Producer: Mike Farah
James Van Der Beek: Hello men. My name is James Van Der Beek and I’m sorry. For years, I played sensitive do-gooder Dawson Leery on Dawson’s Creek. Now, you may not have watched the show, but your girlfriend did. And for years she’s been secretly comparing you to a very unrealistic standard. You see, Dawson was sweet, kind, loving, eloquent, generous, romantic. He never made a move and always apologized, whether it was his fault or not. But I’m making it right.
Derek Johnson: Give me a break, already.
Rebecca Zamalo: You were late for dinner.
Derek Johnson: Late? What are you talking about? I wasn’t even late.
Rebecca Zamalo: You were an hour late.
Derek Johnson: You make me crazy!
Rebecca Zamalo: Oh my god, Dawson.
James Van Der Beek: I got you bro. Nice rack. Want to ride jet-skis?
James Van Der Beek: Maybe you forgot your anniversary or you didn’t call her enough from your friend’s bachelor party. I’ll make you look like a hero, by lowering the bar.
James Van Der Beek: Hey, who do I have to dick slap to get some bread around here.
James Van Der Beek: Fellas, you’re not perfect and you should have to be. Let me work for you.
James Van Der Beek: Never waste your money buying candy for a chic. It’s only makes them fat right. Right, bro?
Josh Rachford: I’m not going to high five you.
James Van der Beek: He’s a keeper.
Matt McKenna: My girl grew up on Disney Movies and Dawson’s Creek. Now I’m a nice guy, but I’m not prince charming.
Jonothan Avigdori: My wife was crazy about Dawson, until he punched her mother in the face.
Brian Guest: Van Der Beek took a shit in her aquarium.
James Van Der Beek: I’ll take a shit in your aquarium too.
James Van Der Beek: Abort. Abort.
Kirsten Lee Barrie: Oh my god, Dawson Leery.
Bob Turton: Get the hell out of here, Der Beek! You’re ruining my moment.
James Van Der Beek: Listen buddy, if it floats, flies, or fucks, rent it.
James Van Der Beek: Call now. Let me help. It’s the least I could do. Really. I mean, it’s all my fault. Please. Call!