Starring James Van Der Beek Written and Directed by Chad Carter Produced by Christin Trogan & Betsy Koch Director of Photography: Antonio Scarlata Edited by Justin Donaldson Featuring Derek Johnson, Bob Turton, Josh Rachford, Stephanie Mayer, Kirsten Barrie, Rebecca Zamolo, & Rachel Hastings Testimonials: Brian Guest, Jonothan Avigdori, & Matt KcKenna Restaurant Patrons: Caitlin Kimball, Peter Moses, Frank Capello, Elliot Dickerhoof, Elizabeth Lanteri, Mark Stablein, & Ashley Grashaw First AD: Greg Kindra First AC: Ray Lee Sound: Steve Pawell & BoTown Sound Grip and Electric: Kevin Stewart, Ricky Fosheim, Tom Pena, Brett Lopez, Ryan Ovadia, & Garrett Shannon Production Design: Alexi Gomez & Caity Birmingham Wardrobe: Aubrey Binzer Makeup: Sara Irving Production Assistants: Elliot Dickerhoof, Elizabeth Lanteri, Andrew Furtado, Sean O'Reilly, & Sam Varela Executive Producer: Mike Farah
James Van Der Beek: Hello men. My name is James Van Der Beek and I’m sorry. For years, I played sensitive do-gooder Dawson Leery on Dawson’s Creek. Now, you may not have watched the show, but your girlfriend did. And for years she’s been secretly comparing you to a very unrealistic standard. You see, Dawson was sweet, kind, loving, eloquent, generous, romantic. He never made a move and always apologized, whether it was his fault or not. But I’m making it right.
Derek Johnson: Give me a break, already.
Rebecca Zamalo: You were late for dinner.
Derek Johnson: Late? What are you talking about? I wasn’t even late.
Rebecca Zamalo: You were an hour late.
Derek Johnson: You make me crazy!
Rebecca Zamalo: Oh my god, Dawson.
James Van Der Beek: I got you bro. Nice rack. Want to ride jet-skis?
James Van Der Beek: Maybe you forgot your anniversary or you didn’t call her enough from your friend’s bachelor party. I’ll make you look like a hero, by lowering the bar.
James Van Der Beek: Hey, who do I have to dick slap to get some bread around here.
James Van Der Beek: Fellas, you’re not perfect and you should have to be. Let me work for you.
James Van Der Beek: Never waste your money buying candy for a chic. It’s only makes them fat right. Right, bro?
Josh Rachford: I’m not going to high five you.
James Van der Beek: He’s a keeper.
Matt McKenna: My girl grew up on Disney Movies and Dawson’s Creek. Now I’m a nice guy, but I’m not prince charming.
Jonothan Avigdori: My wife was crazy about Dawson, until he punched her mother in the face.
Brian Guest: Van Der Beek took a shit in her aquarium.
James Van Der Beek: I’ll take a shit in your aquarium too.
James Van Der Beek: Abort. Abort.
Kirsten Lee Barrie: Oh my god, Dawson Leery.
Bob Turton: Get the hell out of here, Der Beek! You’re ruining my moment.
James Van Der Beek: Listen buddy, if it floats, flies, or fucks, rent it.
James Van Der Beek: Call now. Let me help. It’s the least I could do. Really. I mean, it’s all my fault. Please. Call!