James Van Der Beek is sorry he was such a good guy when he was Dawson Leery on... more »
James Van Der Beek is sorry he was such a good guy when he was Dawson Leery on Dawson's Creek, but now you can hire him as your "Asshole for Hire" to help your girlfriend realize how great you are. All part of Vanderweek here on Funny Or Die, for more of James visit http://www.jamesvandermemes.com/ « less
Starring James Van Der Beek Written and Directed by Chad Carter Produced by Christin Trogan & Betsy Koch Director of Photography: Antonio Scarlata Edited by Justin Donaldson Featuring Derek Johnson, Bob Turton, Josh Rachford, Stephanie Mayer, Kirsten Barrie, Rebecca Zamolo, & Rachel Hastings Testimonials: Brian Guest, Jonothan Avigdori, & Matt KcKenna Restaurant Patrons: Caitlin Kimball, Peter Moses, Frank Capello, Elliot Dickerhoof, Elizabeth Lanteri, Mark Stablein, & Ashley Grashaw First AD: Greg Kindra First AC: Ray Lee Sound: Steve Pawell & BoTown Sound Grip and Electric: Kevin Stewart, Ricky Fosheim, Tom Pena, Brett Lopez, Ryan Ovadia, & Garrett Shannon Production Design: Alexi Gomez & Caity Birmingham Wardrobe: Aubrey Binzer Makeup: Sara Irving Production Assistants: Elliot Dickerhoof, Elizabeth Lanteri, Andrew Furtado, Sean O'Reilly, & Sam Varela Executive Producer: Mike Farah
James Van Der Beek: Hello men. My name is James
Van Der Beek and I’m sorry.
James Van Der Beek: For years, I played
sensitive do-gooder Dawson
James Van Der Beek: Leery on Dawson’s Creek.
Now, you may not have
James Van Der Beek: watched the show, but your
James Van Der Beek: And for years she’s been
secretly comparing you to a
James Van Der Beek: very unrealistic standard.
You see, Dawson was sweet,
James Van Der Beek: kind, loving, eloquent,
James Van Der Beek: He never made a move and
always apologized, whether
James Van Der Beek: it was his fault or not.
But I’m making it right.
Derek Johnson: Give me a break,
Rebecca Zamalo: You were late for
Derek Johnson: Late? What are
you talking about?
Derek Johnson: I wasn’t even late.
Rebecca: You were an hour late.
Derek: You make me crazy!
Rebecca Zamalo: Oh my god, Dawson.
James Van Der Beek: I got you bro.
James Van Der Beek: Want to ride jet-skis?
James Van Der Beek: Maybe you forgot your
anniversary or you didn’t
James Van Der Beek: call her enough from your
friend’s bachelor party.
James Van Der Beek: I’ll make you look like a
hero, by lowering the bar.
James Van Der Beek: Hey, who do I have to dick
slap to get some bread
James Van Der Beek: around here.
James Van Der Beek: Fellas, you’re not perfect
and you should have to be.
James Van Der Beek: Let me work for you.
James Van Der Beek: Never waste your money
buying candy for a chic.
James Van Der Beek: It’s only makes them fat
right. Right, bro?
Josh Rachford: I’m not going to
high five you.
James Van der Beek: He’s a keeper.
Matt McKenna: My girl grew up on Disney
Movies and Dawson’s Creek.
Matt McKenna: Now I’m a nice guy, but I’m
not prince charming.
Jonothan Avigdori: My wife was crazy about
Dawson, until he punched
Jonothan Avigdori: her mother in
Brian Guest: Van Der Beek took a
shit in her aquarium.
James Van Der Beek: I’ll take a shit in
your aquarium too.
James Van Der Beek: Abort. Abort.
Kirsten Lee Barrie: Oh my God,
Bob Turton: Get the hell out of
here, Der Beek!
Bob Turton: You’re ruining
James Van Der Beek: Listen buddy, if it floats,
flies, or fucks, rent it.
James Van Der Beek: Call now. Let me help.
It’s the least I could do.
James Van Der Beek: Really. I mean, it’s
all my fault.
James Van Der Beek: Please. Call!