Chris Martin: I don't do loose

"Loose is for nukes, change, bowels. I'm tighter than Nancy Pelosi's face." Stand-up comedian Chris Martin emcees Cafe Diem Comedy Night in Richmond, VA April 26, 2010.

Credits Details Embed

: Uploader
Chris Martin

Added over 2 years ago

0 funny votes

0 die votes

Description: "Loose is for nukes, change, bowels. I'm tighter than Nancy Pelosi's face." Stand-up comedian Chris Martin emcees Cafe Diem Comedy Night in Richmond, VA April 26, 2010.

Categories: Stand Up Not Safe For Work Rants

Keywords: Chris Martin comedy comic comedian stand-up Europe Iceland volcano ash Bjork Kick Ass movie Lost Jay Leno Larry King King Tut Mets Cardinals

Patience is overrated...

Standard Sizes

Custom Size

Width: px
Height: px

Old embed code (only works with browsers that support Adobe Flash)

Next In Chris Martin's stand-up comedy

Chris Martin: my goldfish coughed up a tarball

25 of 45
42 views

Loading...

Featured Pictures And Words

8 Reasons Why Justin Bieber Is A True Artist

1 of 25
28 views

Loading...

Podcasts

Toilet Wine
Owen & TJ Read the News
1 of 8

Loading...

Stand Up

A Day in the Life of Nick Swardson

1 of 10
550,720 views

Loading...

Not Safe For Work

BRACE YOURSELF (aka Oral Sex and Braces)

1 of 10
515,009 views

Loading...

Rants

Black people are annoying! (Extended Directors Cut)

1 of 10
8,365 views

Loading...

Quicklist

Sponsored Videos

Special Unit's Unit w/ Adam DeVine
41,632 views
Richard the Cat: The BBQ
20,515 views
AMC's Small Town Security
7,523 views

The Mouseketeer from Matt Oberg, Jody Lambert, Grace Helbig, Sydney Poitier, Peach OBrien, Funny Or Die, MichaelChernus, and dennislambert

Added

The Mouseketeer from Matt Oberg, Jody Lambert, Grace Helbig

They Surf with Patton Oswalt from Patton Oswalt, NickCorirossi, Charles Ingram, Andy Maxwell, Funny Or Die, Chris Poole, Caleb Swyers, Katy Walker, and Brian Lane

Added

They Surf with Patton Oswalt from Patton Oswalt, NickCorirossi, Charles Ingram

Gay of Thrones: Game of Thrones Ep. 8 Recap from KristenRozanski, Jonathan Van Ness, Erin Gibson, Brad Schulz, Funny Or Die, MattMazany, Ross Buran, JohnFord, and Marvin Lemus

Added

Gay of Thrones: Game of Thrones Ep. 8 Recap from KristenRozanski, Jonathan Van Ness, Erin Gibson

The Kings of Summer Red Band Trailer from Jordan Vogt-Roberts, Nick Offerman, Alison Brie, Hannibal Buress, Megan Mullally, Thomas Middleditch, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Kumail Nanjiani, Eugene Cordero, Angela Trimbur, Nick Rutherford, Craig Cackowski, and Tony Hale

Added

The Kings of Summer Red Band Trailer from Jordan Vogt-Roberts, Nick Offerman, Alison Brie

Added

Inside Focus from The_Hangover_III

THIS IS THE END - Seth & Jay Confess from ThisIsTheEnd, Seth Rogen, and Jay Baruchel

Added

THIS IS THE END - Seth & Jay Confess from ThisIsTheEnd, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel

Downton Diddy from Sean Combs, NickCorirossi, Charles Ingram, Nick Wiger, Andy Maxwell, Funny Or Die, Betsy Koch, Andrew Grissom, Ellie del Campo, Melissa Gould McNeely, and BoTown Sound

Added

Downton Diddy from Sean Combs, NickCorirossi, Charles Ingram

She-Ra with Kylie Minogue from Kylie Minogue, Alfie Allen, Danny Jelinek, Ryan Perez, Brian Lane, Funny Or Die, Dave Theune, Andrée Vermeulen, William Morse, Andrew Grissom, Allison Johnson, Ellie del Campo, Melissa Gould McNeely, and BoTown Sound

Added

She-Ra with Kylie Minogue from Kylie Minogue, Alfie Allen, Danny Jelinek

Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis: James Franco from Zach Galifianakis, James Franco, Andy Samberg, Ed Norton, The Lonely Island, Scott Aukerman, BJPorter, Brian Lane, Between Two Ferns, Funny Or Die, Betsy Koch, Comedy Deathray, and Antonio Scarlata

Added

Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis: James Franco from Zach Galifianakis, James Franco, Andy Samberg

Gay of Thrones: Game of Thrones Ep. 6 Recap from Jonathan Van Ness, Erin Gibson, Brad Schulz, Funny Or Die, MattMazany, and JohnFord

Added

Gay of Thrones: Game of Thrones Ep. 6 Recap from Jonathan Van Ness, Erin Gibson, Brad Schulz

Gays Beware with Jesse Tyler Ferguson and George Takei from Jesse Tyler Ferguson, George Takei, Brad Goreski, lauren, DaddyReynolds, Funny Or Die, Deborah Tarica, Betsy Koch, and Ross Buran

Added

Gays Beware with Jesse Tyler Ferguson and George Takei from Jesse Tyler Ferguson, George Takei, Brad Goreski

8 Reasons Why Justin Bieber Is A True Artist from Pat O'Brien

Added

8 Reasons Why Justin Bieber Is A True Artist After being booed by the crowd during a recent acceptance speech at the Billboard Music Awards, Justin Bieber defensively claimed “I’m an artist and I should be ... by Pat O'Brien

Everyone Who Showed Up for Stefon's Wedding from TheMagicHour

Added

Everyone Who Showed Up for Stefon's Wedding The wedding of Stefon and Anderson Cooper, on the season finale of Saturday Night Live, was truly a must-see-TV event. Here's a look at the guest list, which wa... by TheMagicHour

7 Reasons Why You’re Sleeping On The Couch from Brandon Scott Wolf

Added

7 Reasons Why You’re Sleeping On The Couch “Why are you sleeping on the couch?” has been a question that people have asked ever since Jonathon Couch invented the couch in the Spring of 1843 and up until e... by Brandon Scott Wolf

The Video Game Character's Food Pyramid from Pat O'Brien

Added

The Video Game Character's Food Pyramid The main characters in classic video games had very strange diets. by Pat O'Brien

17 GIFs of Creed Bratton's Best Moments on The Office from GifGuide

Added

17 of Creed Bratton's Best Moments on 'The Office' With The Office wrapping up it's final season, we realize it's time to say goodbye. But we're having an especially hard time letting go of Creed. So we're just n... by GifGuide

Daft Punk-Get Lucky is Dangerous from cascade up

Added

Daft Punk-Get Lucky is Dangerous from cascade up

April Diamond, Voice Coach Proves Her Abilities from deloromusic and Skybach

Added

April Diamond, Voice Coach Proves Her Abilities from deloromusic, Skybach

M.Y.C. (Mice York City) from Catie Lazarus

Added

M.Y.C. (Mice York City) from Catie Lazarus

Special Unit's Unit w/ Adam DeVine from Philips Norelco Click & Style

Added

Special Unit's Unit w/ Adam DeVine from Philips Norelco Click & Style

Gay of Thrones:Game of Thrones Ep. 7 Recap from Jonathan Van Ness, Eileen O'Connell, Erin Gibson, Brad Schulz, Funny Or Die, MattMazany, JohnFord, and Marvin Lemus

Added

Gay of Thrones:Game of Thrones Ep. 7 Recap from Jonathan Van Ness, Eileen O'Connell, Erin Gibson

Newt Gingrich Smartphone from Nick Wiger, Danny Jelinek, Aaron Ulrich, Erin Gibson, MattMazany, Katy Walker, BoTown Sound, and Funny Or Die

Added

Newt Gingrich Smartphone from Nick Wiger, Danny Jelinek, Aaron Ulrich

Daft Punk & Andrew the Pizza Guy from Eugene Cordero, Gary Richards, Avin Das, Dashiell Driscoll, Jamie Landau, Aaron Ulrich, Katy Walker, Chris Poole, and Funny Or Die

Added

Daft Punk & Andrew the Pizza Guy from Eugene Cordero, Gary Richards, Avin Das

9 Moments That Have Been Daft Punk'd from Two Scoops

Added

9 Moments That Have Been Daft Punk'd No one can deny that everything Daft Punk does is amazing. But that begs the question, "How much greater would everything else be if Daft Punk had been involved?... by Two Scoops

Zach Braff is ruining Kickstarter for the rest of us from Dinner For One

Added

Zach Braff is ruining Kickstarter for the rest of us from Dinner For One

If Chain Restaurants Were Turned Into Movies from Brian Boone

Added

If Chain Restaurants Were Turned Into Movies All your favorite chain restaurants: they're movies now! by Brian Boone

Throwback Thursday PSA from Victoria Time

Added

Throwback Thursday PSA from Victoria Time

Rob Delaney's New Boardgame from Rob Delaney, Erin Gibson, Brad Schulz, Funny Or Die, and Katy Walker

Added

Rob Delaney's New Boardgame from Rob Delaney, Erin Gibson, Brad Schulz

Dream Girl w/ Dave Franco & Alison Brie from Dave Franco, Alison Brie, Olivia Munn, Brian McGinn, Funny Or Die, JasonCarden, and BoTown Sound

Added

Dream Girl w/ Dave Franco & Alison Brie from Dave Franco, Alison Brie, Olivia Munn

Template for Any Best Man Speech from Dan Abramson

Added

Template for Any Best Man Speech Wedding season is upon us. And if you're a best man at a wedding, look no further. We've got you covered. by Dan Abramson