Brit Hume Sez Find Christ, Tiger Woods

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Tiger woods will recover as a golfer. But if he can recover as a person is a very open question. And it's a tragic situation with him. And the extent to which he can recover will depend on his faith. I think he's a Buddhist. Or something.

Look. the fact is, I don't know a whole lot about this Tiger Woods thing. I'm really just here to talk about Christ.

I'm sure most of you hipsters out there don't want to hear this, but Jesus really is the answer to most of your problems. You can be just like Tiger Woods, go out and fuck a bunch of semi-attractive cocktail waitresses, and Jesus will still forgive you. He's not all uptight, like tigers cunty Swedish wife.

Plus, if you really love pussy so much, you can still pork who-ers even after you've been forgiven. All you have to do is ask Jesus for a little more forgiveness, and he'll give it to you. He's a real Sucker. He'll keep taking you back like he's an abused wife.

So, Tiger. Forget that fortune cookie-pushing religion and give your soul to Christ. And tell him I sent you. I just need twenty-seven more converts to get a private spot in heaven, away from all the losers I try to avoid at church.