http://derivativecomics.com - Yes, it's tough landing a man, but Jesus Lord God!... more »
http://derivativecomics.com - Yes, it's tough landing a man, but Jesus Lord God! You don't have to subject yourself to the 'tards on the internet on the off chance you can get a husband, girlfriend! I mean...my god! (I sent a youtube version of this to a chick, and she deleted her profile. Either this video struck a chord, or I'm just that creepy.)
Hello, Ladies. If you're lonely and desperate, or if you just have a job where only queers and other women work, like at hospitals or in the fashion industry, you probably have a plenty of Fish profile. I'm here to tell you how you can improve your profile, and avoid the shame of dying alone.
First off, If you're an idiot, it may be best if you don't write a profile at all. In fact, try to avoid any form of communication where you have to spell words, or form coherent ideas. Instead, cut and paste some other person's profile. But at least skim it first to make sure she's not trying to sell her body for money.
If you're a fatty, you're not likely to get many messages. This isn't just because all men are shallow pigs who'll only fuck under weight waifs. It's actually because, after they've raped and murdered their date, it's much easier to transport the corpses of non fat-asses. Also, it takes much more time to dismember the bodies of tubs. But if you're so desperate for a man's touch that you'll take the risk of being slaughtered, you can look lighter in your profile photo by standing next to a much fatter friend. If you're the fattest person in your circle of friends, try getting newer, fatter friends. This also applies to Ugly people, and their ugly friends.
If you're even moderately attractive, then you obviously have some horrible emotional or psychological problems if you have to go to the fucking internet to find a dude. But you can hide these mental problems from potential suitors by keeping the following phrases out of your profile. I'm trying to find a husband. This actually means that you're incredibly desperate. Don't message me if you're a player. This actually means that you've been porked numerous times in the past, and probably now have a horrible case of super infectious V D. And don't say that your best attribute is your sarcastic nature. Sarcasm is not a valuable tool, either in terms of communication or in terms of comedy. Also, sarcastic bitches are annoying as fuck, and even the most desperate of men will grow to hate you with a red, hot passion.
If you apply these tips, and also purchase and learn to use a hand gun to avoid being murdered on your dates, you shall surely find a man to grow old with. Luckily, I don't have your problem, as I'm a hardcore lesbian, who hates being touched.