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What is Catsoline and how does it work? This educational film will tell you... more »
Published June 05, 2010 47 views More Info »
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Published June 05, 2010
NARRATOR
Catsoline and you.

Shot of 50’s kid Billy standing next to corpse.

BILLY
What is catsoline anyway, mister?

NARRATOR
Oh, Billy. You and your extra chromosome. Well I’ll tell you. Catsoline is modern man’s crowning achievement.

Question Mark

NARRATOR
But how does it work?

Lineup of kittens.

NARRATOR
First, the best kittens are selected based on a series of criteria including…

Kitten Filling out standardized test form.
NARRATOR
intelligence,

Kitten lifting barbell.

NARRATOR
strength,

Kitten hacking.

NARRATOR
and computer-hacking skills.


Kittens thrown in a trash can.

NARRATOR
The remaining kittens are discarded.


Kittens getting on a bus.
NARRATOR
It’s at this point that the selected kittens are sent to a six week catsoline training camp.

Kitten fighting.

NARRATOR
There, they receiving extensive endurance conditioning and are schooled in the art of hand to hand combat.


Kittens wearing graduation gowns.

NARRATOR
After graduation, these formerly worthless kittens are ready to become catsoline!

NARRATOR
The cat is placed in the gas tank. When the driver applies his foot to the accelerator, a simulated ghost sound is played, frightening the cat and causing him to run into the engine which consists of a modified and enlarged hamster wheel.


NARRATOR
As he runs, he turns the wheel which is attached to the drive shaft and the previously untapped feline energy is converted to the kinetic energy of the automobile and getting you where you want to go!

Picture of BOB in front of car at the Hustler Club projected on back screen.

NARRATOR
At the end of its useful life the spent cat is removed from the engine via the exhaust system and replaced with a fresh new cat.

And that's the magic of catsoline.
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