Starring: Adam West Written and Directed by Scott Gairdner Director of Photography: Kevin Atkinson Eyehole Agents: Perry Smith, Ryan Mitchell, Erika Deoudes, Brian Rowe, Michelle Goldfine Homeowner: Scott Gairdner Wife: Erin Pade Crook: Michael Truly Victim: Clay Dzygun Eye Model: Ryan Mitchell Crook #2: Kent Gairdner Executive Producer: Mike Farah Produced by Allison Hord AC: Gabe Diniz Edited by: Scott Gairdner Sound: BoTown Sound Wardrobe: Diane Herlofsky Production Design: Tony Swansey, Colin Blake Makeup: Sara Irving G&E: Jason Lopez, Andrew Crighton PA: Jordan Martin Special Thanks: Bill Boston
- In the time it takes to utter this sentence,
everything you hold dear could be stolen from you,
including your life.
I'm Adam West from TV's The Batman.
In a world filled with filthy criminals
who or what can you trust?
Security cameras can deceive you
and play devilish tricks on your mind.
While loud alarms only mask your screams
from your neighbors.
Your only true ally is this,
the human eye.
Introducing Eyehole Paintings,
your greatest weapon in the war on crookery.
These beautiful works of art will ward off fiends,
stealers, and vandalist wherever you are.
In your bathroom, front porch, or automobile.
The Eyehole Painting collection will please
even the most discerning art lover.
Whether you choose a president, a Hollywood legend,
or a surrealist dreamscape.
These protective decoratives will keep an eye on crime.
Call the number on your screen
and will fill your crawlspaces and ventilation shafts
with our Eyehole Security agents.
But don't think for a moment
that your safety ends on the canvas.
We've got Eyehole busts, nice armor, bearskin rugs,
coffee table books, antlered heads, outdoor saints,
globes, dolls, clocks, mugs, Santa mugs,
- We were asleep upstairs when some piece of human garbage
broke into our home.
Thankfully, one of our Eyehole Security agents
caught the problem, ran to the nearest phone,
and alerted us in the nick of time.
He got one shot off.
- So, a word to all you thiefs out there:
the next time you consider
breaking into an innocent person's home,
stop and admire the art.
It just might admire you. (chuckles)