The Video opens with the text Human Giant Season 2. The MTV logo
follows. Then the text Premiers March 11th 11 PM is shown. The shot
cuts to the exterior of club. People are milling around. Rob Huebel,
Paul Sheer, and Aziz Ansari portray paparazzi trying to get decent
Rob Huebel: Right here, right here. Can you stop for a second. Look right here. Stop for a second right here.
Paul Sheer: Man, I got nothing.
Rob Huebel: Me either. These are nobodies. All the famous people are inside.
Aziz Ansari: I’m getting some tailor footage tonight. I’m getting into that party.
Paul Sheer: How are you getting inside?
Aziz Ansari puts on a Mary-Kate Olsen mask.
Rob Huebel: Whoa, you look just like Mary-Kate Olsen.
Aziz Ansari: Gimme that purse cam.
Aziz Ansari walks down the red carpet. The paparazzi go crazy with shouts of “It’s Mary-Kate.”
Aziz Ansari: Yeah. What’s going on everybody? Mary-Kate, yep. (To Mike Britt) Hey, what’s up?
Mike Britt (as bouncer): Oh Mary Kate, you know you go right in.
Aziz Ansari: Alright, you take it easy.
Mike Britt: Oh, but you looking good.
Aziz Ansari: Thanks.
Mike Britt: Good as hell.
Aziz Ansari goes inside. Aziz Ansari looks into the purse cam.
Aziz Ansari: Testing, testing. Ok, this seems to be working. Everyone thinks I’m Mary-Kate Olsen.
Will Arnett: Mary-Kate. Hey, Will Arnett.
Aziz Ansari: Hey, good to meet you Will. I heard you drive a Prius.
Will Arnett: It’s a good car. You ought to get one if you want your ca
to suck balls. Between you and me, I drive a Hummer with a Prius shell
on top of it.
Aziz Ansari: What?
Will Arnett: Yeah, here. Check it out. (Will Arnett shows Aziz Ansari a
picture of the Prius/Hummer on his phone) It gets even worse mileage
than a Hummer and the back seat’s big enough you could perform an
abortion in it.
Aziz Ansari: I guess that would come in handy.
Will Arnett: Yeah, when you perform as many abortions as I do, which is a lot. Because I love them.
Aziz Ansari: Oh. Cool.
Will Arnett: God, all this talking about abortions is making me super wet. You wanna hop out onto the dance floor?
The shot cuts to Will Arnett and Aziz Ansari on the dance floor.
Will Arnett: Oh God. Oh, Mary-Kate, you got my balls wound up so tight.
Aziz Ansari: Oh, wow, I’m good at that.
Will Arnett: Oh God, you feel it too, don’t you? I got a pant full of bone right now.
Aziz Ansari: Oh wow.
Will Arnett: Let’s go back to my hotel room. I’ve got a nut.
Aziz Ansari: Alright. Cool.
Will Arnett: Oh, I’m going to impregnate your mouth.
Aziz Ansari: Oh god.
Will Arnett and Aziz Ansari leave the nightclub. The paparazzi go into a feeding frenzy.
Paparazzi: How long have you two been a couple?
Will Arnett: Oh no, we’re not. No, I’m just babysitting her. (To Aziz
Ansari) I’m going to babysit your vagina. (To paparazzi) We’ve known
each other a long time. Ever since she was a kid. (To Aziz Ansari) Now
she’s hot and I’m going to bang her.
Aziz Ansari: Oh God.
The shot cuts to Will Arnett in bed with Aziz Ansari.
Will Arnett: Whew. Oh God, I can’t believe my dick just barfed that
much. You know what I’d like to do, though? I’d like to take things up
a notch. Do you have any sexy friends we could call?
Aziz Ansari: Hmmmm, how about someone like my twin sister Ashley?
Will Arnett: What? Double trouble. Hang on, let me just ask my boner. Oh yeah, he’s fine with it. Ha ha.
The shot cuts to television showing a man and a woman in latex gear.
Will Arnett (voiceover): This is Austrian porn.
The shot cuts to Will Arnett and Aziz Ansari sitting on a couch wearing bathrobes.
Will Arnett: If you do the heat wrap and the burn cream chaser, it makes you come at the same time as the dude.
Will Arnett takes a deep inhale from a heat wrap pad and then follows
up with a deep inhale from the burn cream. There is a knock at the door.
Aziz Ansari: Hey, I think that’s Ashley.
Will Arnett: Ashley, come on in!
Paul Sheer enters the room wearing an Ashley Olsen mask.
Paul Sheer: What’s up? We gonna fuck Will Arnett or what?
Will Arnett: Yeah, I’m Will Arnett.
Paul Sheer: Hey.
Will Arnett: Let’s get these clothes off.
Will Arnett yanks off Paul Sheer’s jacket.
Paul Sheer: Wow. Whoa, look at this.
Will Arnett: You two are going to kiss now right? Like you’ve always wanted to.
Will Arnett grabs Paul Sheer and Aziz Ansari by the neck and forces the
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen masks together. Paul Sheer and Aziz Ansari
make kissing noises.
Will Arnett: Same some for papa.
Will Arnett kisses Paul Sheer’s Ashley Olsen mask.
Paul Sheer: Check this out.
Will Arnett: Oh, somebody’s got baby hair on her tummy and all over her boobies.
Rob Huebel enters the room.
Will Arnett: Wait, who is this?
Rob Huebel: Oh!
Rob Huebel pulls out a Matthew McConaughey mask and puts it on.
Will Arnett: Oh my god! Dude! McConaughey!
Rob Huebel takes his pants off.
Rob Huebel: I heard you really like to takes things up a notch.
Will Arnett: I like all flavors. Here, check this out bro.
Will Arnett goes off-screen momentarily and returns with a machine.
Will Arnett: Check it out, it’s a sex machine.
Aziz Ansari: You travel with that thing Will?
Will Arnett: It’s a portable model Mary-Kate.
Paul Sheer: That looks like it’s gonna hurt.
Will Arnett: That means it’s working. It comes with this really romantic fist attachment.
Will Arnett hand Paul Sheer the fist attachment.
Paul Sheer: It looks just like my fist.
Will Arnett: That’s because it was modeled after your hand. All right girls, lather up and get ready to receive.
Paul Sheer and Aziz Ansari dip the fist attachment into Vaseline.
Will Arnett: I’m gonna live forever!
The shot cuts to a screenshot of TMZ with a headline that reads – Exclusive video Will Arnett Killed By Sex Machine
The shot cuts to the text Human Giant Season 2. Then the text Premiers March 11th 11 PM is shown. The MTV logo follows.