G.A.Y.S. (Guys Against You Serving)

Writer & Actor

Thomas Lennon

Actor

Sarah Silverman

Actor

John Cho

Actor

Dave Holmes

Actor

Alex Fernie

Director & Editor

Justin Donaldson

Executive Producer

Funny Or Die

Makeup

Shauna O'Toole

Special Thanks

David Lincoln

Additional Credits [+]

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WEBVTT 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:26.000 <v John Cho> There's talk about repealing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell', it...would be okay to be gay in our military. Well, let me tell you something. When the sh*t hits the fan, and the Taliban decides to nuke us, I don't wanna be down there in a foxhole and see that everybody's knocking down appletini's watching Sex And The City 2. 00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:29.000 <v John Cho> Wasn't even as good as the first one. 00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:53.000 <v Sarah Silverman> I don't think you can fit in the cockpit of an F-16 if you're wearing a tutu, and I don't think it's safe. My tax dollars paid for that jet, and I don't want some gay flying it in his little pink tutu. Now you probably think that means I don't want ballerinas in our military. Not true. I actually think there are scenarios, especially like, espionage-type assassination missions where we need ballerinas behind enemy lines. 00:00:53.000 --> 00:00:55.000 <v Sarah Silverman> I just don't want them to be weird gay fruits. 00:00:56.000 --> 00:01:10.000 <v Dave Holmes> We're fighting two wars. All right? We got a stack a mile high of intelligence and we don't have enough people to translate it. All right? Our country's in a recession and investigating and discharging gay soldiers, and recruiting and training their replacements. It's cost us three hundred and sixty three million dollars. 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:13.000 <v Dave Holmes> And two guys kissing is gross. 00:01:13.000 --> 00:01:23.000 <v "Weird" Al Yankovic> Nightmare scenario. I've got Osama Bin Laden in my sights. The openly gay guy next to me catches a whiff of my Axe body spray. He can't help but try and kiss me! 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:45.000 <v Jenny Lennon> If we let gays serve this country, are we all gonna have to start taking showers with our clothes on? Because I for one do not want to see a naked gay. I'm in a shower with a straight lady and it's like yeah, hey. Whatever. I'm in the shower with a gay lady all of a sudden it's like, oh, your body looks soft. You're soapy. I don't want a gay lady making me think like that! 00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:55.000 <v Alex Fernie> First, we let in openly gay people into the military. Next, chihuahuas wearing sequined vests. That's just math! Okay?! What's next? Unicorns wearing Capri pants? 00:01:55.000 --> 00:02:12.000 <v Thomas Lennon> Army uniform on a gay. [Laughing] I'm sorry, but that, that's, that would be like, like, that would be like, like this mustache on a gay guy. [Laughing] Or this motorcycle jacket. It'd be wrong. And weird. 00:02:13.000 --> 00:02:16.000 <v Sarah Silverman> While none of us have actually served our country... 00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:19.000 <v John Cho> We know exactly who we don't want doing it for us. 00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:22.000 <v Dave Holmes> We are Guys Against You Serving. 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:23.000 <v Thomas Lennon> And we are proud. [Snaps Fingers] 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:38.000 [Music Playing]