A new organization tells you exactly why they don't want gays serving in the military.

Full Credits

Starring Sarah Silverman, Tom Lennon, John Cho, Dave Holmes, "Weird" Al Yankovic, Jenny Lennon and Alex Fernie
Written by Thomas Lennon
Directed & Edited by Justin Donaldson
G&E Brian Lane
G&E David Cronin
Composer: Mike Farrell
Make up by Shauna Ballantine O'Toole
Produced by Lauren Palmigiano
Production Assistant Sam Varela
Special Thanks David Lincoln

Stats & Data


John Cho: There's talk about repealing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell', it...would be okay to be gay in our military. Well, let me tell you something. When the sh*t hits the fan, and the Taliban decides to nuke us, I don't wanna be down there in a foxhole and see that everybody's knocking down appletini's watching Sex And The City 2.
John Cho: Wasn't even as good as the first one.
Sarah Silverman: I don't think you can fit in the cockpit of an F-16 if you're wearing a tutu, and I don't think it's safe. My tax dollars paid for that jet, and I don't want some gay flying it in his little pink tutu. Now you probably think that means I don't want ballerinas in our military. Not true. I actually think there are scenarios, especially like, espionage-type assassination missions where we need ballerinas behind enemy lines.
Sarah Silverman: I just don't want them to be weird gay fruits.
Dave Holmes: We're fighting two wars. All right? We got a stack a mile high of intelligence and we don't have enough people to translate it. All right? Our country's in a recession and investigating and discharging gay soldiers, and recruiting and training their replacements. It's cost us three hundred and sixty three million dollars.
Dave Holmes: And two guys kissing is gross.
"Weird" Al Yankovic: Nightmare scenario. I've got Osama Bin Laden in my sights. The openly gay guy next to me catches a whiff of my Axe body spray. He can't help but try and kiss me!
Jenny Lennon: If we let gays serve this country, are we all gonna have to start taking showers with our clothes on? Because I for one do not want to see a naked gay. I'm in a shower with a straight lady and it's like yeah, hey. Whatever. I'm in the shower with a gay lady all of a sudden it's like, oh, your body looks soft. You're soapy. I don't want a gay lady making me think like that!
Alex Fernie: First, we let in openly gay people into the military. Next, chihuahuas wearing sequined vests. That's just math! Okay?! What's next? Unicorns wearing Capri pants?
Thomas Lennon: Army uniform on a gay. [Laughing] I'm sorry, but that, that's, that would be like, like, that would be like, like this mustache on a gay guy. [Laughing] Or this motorcycle jacket. It'd be wrong. And weird.
Sarah Silverman: While none of us have actually served our country...
John Cho: We know exactly who we don't want doing it for us.
Dave Holmes: We are Guys Against You Serving.
Thomas Lennon: And we are proud. [Snaps Fingers]
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