Judd Apatow: Thank you, sir. It is great to be here.
Adam McKay: We're really excited. You're gonna be doing, uh, videos with us, and...
Judd Apatow: It's just nice to, to work with people that you're on the, the same page with. And you know that it's gonna be fun.
Will Ferrell: You have a [Inaudible] with.
Judd Apatow: Yeah. I, not that this is the time to pitch, but, just, I was thinking about like a character, like a private dick character, and you know, okay, there's murders.
Adam McKay: Mhm. Right.
Judd Apatow: And he goes to the scene of the crime, and there's usually like, the widow. And you know, and then they fu** or something.
Adam McKay: What do you mean, so like, you do, you like, it's a old widow, and then it's like a...
Will Ferrell: Yeah.
Adam McKay: Oh, I wanna kiss you, and then you see the sheets ruffle and...
Judd Apatow: It's like, this private dick, but, he's like a private dick, and.
Will Ferrell: And it's a parody on, on a, private eye movie?
Judd Apatow: Well, it can have some humor in it, but I mean, it's basically, it's like an adult film. I mean, this is the internet, right? I mean...
Adam McKay: We're not doing porn though, I mean, you can be a little risque or you can be dirty.
Judd Apatow: It's adult.
Adam McKay: But you're talking about full penetration. On film.
Judd Apatow: Well, yeah. Like...
Adam McKay: Penis going into a vagina.
Judd Apatow: Uh huh.
Will Ferrell: That's porn. That's porno. Pornography.
Adam McKay: That's porno. Real quick I'll answer that, that's porno.
Judd Apatow: The only thing that makes money on the internet is, is porno, right?
Will Ferrell: No, that's not true. That's not true. No.
Adam McKay: That's not true at all. There's like, a lot of successful sites.
Judd Apatow: You know, I'm just doing well right now. You know, and it's just weird to spend a lot of time on things where you don't make money.
Adam McKay: Well, then, we're not doing porn, though. We're not comfortable. We're married, we have kids, we're not...
Judd Apatow: Yeah, I'm married. I have two kids.
Will Ferrell: Did you put two kids in quotes?
Adam McKay: Bottom line, you're not doing porno films.
Judd Apatow: [Yelling] I want this site to make some fu**ing money! That's how I look at it. How do you expand it? I mean, isn't that why we're here? To figure out how to, like, work this demographic?
Adam McKay: [Sighs] That's disgusting, man. You're saying where it's like demographic, expand, make money?
Judd Apatow: It's a business!
Adam McKay: We're fu**in' having fun!
Will Ferrell: We're just having fun.
Judd Apatow: Fun? If you wanna have fun let's go get a fu**in' beer, this is working hours. It's nine to five.
Adam McKay: Oh, that is disgusting, man.
Judd Apatow: I'm making one. And you're gonna put it up.
Adam McKay: You're gonna make a fu**ing porno film?
Will Ferrell: You're gonna make a porno?
Judd Apatow: I'm gonna make one and you're gonna put it up.
Adam McKay: And you're gonna be in it? Are you gonna be in it?
Judd Apatow: Well, if I'm right for the part. I think that you guys need to respect me a little bit. Do you know what happened this summer? Do you know what happened?
Adam McKay: Uh, the...
Will Ferrell: What?
Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Superbad, I went two for two. Two for two. Yeah. Yeah, that's what happened.
Will Ferrell: No, that's great. We're happy for you.
Judd Apatow: Yeah.
Will Ferrell: But, when you do it like that you come off like an a*shole.
Adam McKay: It's just weird
Adam McKay: that we just introduced you to come out, first off, you right away mention money. You said you're two for two.
Will Ferrell: Yeah, stop saying you're two for two.
Adam McKay: It's a little gross.
Will Ferrell: I mean we, we're two for two if you wanna talk, if you wanna talk like that. We're two for two.
Judd Apatow: Yeah, but I was also, I worked on those movies so in a way I'm four for four.
Adam McKay: All right. Stop saying something for something.
Judd Apatow: Don't you want my input on like the whole site? I mean, what's the point?
Will Ferrell: Well, of course, we value your opinion, but not if you're coming in with this weird agenda that makes no sense.
Judd Apatow: What the fu**. An agenda that makes the site make some cash.
Adam McKay: I don't like that you keep talking about money. The whole idea was like, you're like a friend of ours, you're gonna work with us.
Will Ferrell: Adam, I never wanted...we never wanted to do this.
Adam McKay: We didn't want to do this. Neither of us wanted to do this. Must be about seven agents saying you gotta do this. Fu** it, I'll say it, I don't give a sh*t.
Will Ferrell: Yeah, I don't give a sh*t, either.
Adam McKay: And you come in fu**in' talking money? Two for two, two for two. Four for four.
Adam McKay: It's disgusting.
Judd Apatow: Well, you know what? You know why I don't need to do this? [Whispers] Two for two. Four for four.
Adam McKay: Fu**in' shut up! Get the fu*k outta here! Fu*k! Get the fu*k outta here.
Adam McKay: He fu*kin' played us. He wanted to make porno films.
Will Ferrell: Yeah. I have a feeling he's gonna force us to be in those movies. I gotta have some elaborate costume if I'm gonna do it.
Adam McKay: I'll be the third guy who enters and maybe you don't see my face. That's the most I'm gonna do.
Will Ferrell: If I'm gonna do it, you can show my face, but, just, maybe I'm being like, maybe it's a period piece.
Adam McKay: Um, so, anyway, Funny Or Die, uh, dot com, Judd Apatow has joined us. Uh, look for a lot of new material and...
Will Ferrell: A lot of new and interesting material, uh, from Judd.
Adam McKay: A lot of it hardcore porn, I guess.
Will Ferrell: Sounds like most of it will be in that vein. I hope you enjoy it.
Adam McKay: Okay, I'm gonna do my, do you mind cuttin' out of here, dude? Cuttin' out of here? I'm gonna masturbate real quick.
Will Ferrell: What?
Adam McKay: I was gonna masturbate real quick cause I gotta get back to the set in like, ten minutes. I'm a little stressed I just wanted to masturbate.
Will Ferrell: I don't think so. This is a four hundred thousand dollar couch.
Adam McKay: Is this really?
Will Ferrell: Yeah. It's half deer skin.
Adam McKay: It's incredible. Uh, I'll put newspapers on it, man. Won't be a problem. I mean, just real quick.
Will Ferrell: You're gonna go, okay, go get the newspapers then.
Adam McKay: All right, I lied. I wasn't gonna put any newspapers down.
Will Ferrell: I knew it as soon as you said that.
Adam McKay: Yeah, I...
Will Ferrell: You were just gonna...
Adam McKay: Come on, man! Just get outta here!