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What if Matthew McConaughey rewrote the most famous speeches of all time?
Published March 07, 2014 6.9k views More Info ยป
125 Funny Votes
274 Die Votes
6,903 Views
Published March 07, 2014

1

- TO WHATEVER IT IS WE LOOK FORWARD TO, AND WHOEVER IT IS
WE'RE CHASING, TO THAT I SAY

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AMEN-- TO THAT I SAY, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT.

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[cheers]

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- THERE ARE 3 MEN TO WHOM I OWE THIS AND A GREAT
DEAL MORE. TONY KUSHNER,

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OUR BELOVED SKIPPER, STEVEN SPIELBERG, AND
ALSO THIS MAN I MET

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10 YEARS AGO WHO SAILED THE ADRIATIC IN A
BOAT, WOOD RAFT.

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HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE, AND SAID, "EVERYONE'S A GENIUS, BUT ALSO, NO

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ONE'S A GENIUS."

9

- SHAME ON YOU IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO DANCE,
AND EAT GUMBO.

10

- ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU,
BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOU, 10 YEARS

11

FROM NOW. THE FUTURE YOU, THE FUTURE HERO
YOU CAN BE IN YOUR MIND'S EYE LOOKING

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AT YOURSELF FROM A FUTURE PITSTOP ON A
FUTURE DIRT ROAD AT 25, OR 35, OR 105.

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[crowd cheers]

14

- WE DIDN'T LAND ON PLYMOUTH ROCK, PLYMOUTH
ROCK IS JUST A FIGMENT OF

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OUR COLLECTIVE IMAGINATION, AND THE ONLY
REAL EXPERIENCE YOU CAN FIND IS

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AT THIS CRAB SHACK IN VENICE BEACH,
EATING SOME OF THE BEST DAMN OYSTERS

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I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.

18

- THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS DEVICE
LIKE CRAP OF THE RATTLESNAKE,

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BECAUSE THAT LITTLE SUCKER'S OUT THERE TO GET US.

20

AS MY DADDY USED TO SAY, WE HAVE TO CHARM
THAT RATTLER. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

21

- TODAY, I CONSIDER MYSELF THE LUCKIEST MAN
ON THE FACE OF NEPTUNE, AND YOU CAN

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HOP OFF OF THE PLANET, AND THEY BETTER HAVE THE SPROCKETS RUNNING

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WHEN YOU GET OFF THAT SPACESHIP,

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BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO BEHAVE
AS A MAN.

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THAT IS A GLORIOUS FEELING.

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- GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE

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SHALL NOT PERISH FROM THE EARTH.
FUCKYEAHMAN.COM.

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ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT.

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JUST KEEP LIVING.

30

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