Barack Obama sent Navy Seal Team 6 to take out Osama Bin Laden in Abbottabad and made... more »
Barack Obama sent Navy Seal Team 6 to take out Osama Bin Laden in Abbottabad and made a statement confirming it on Sunday night. Former President George W. Bush finally responds to who and what has been terrorizing him for years. « less
Starring: Will Ferrell Featuring Colton Dunn and Billy Merritt Writers: Adam McKay & Chris Kelly Director: Danny Jelinek Executive Producer: Mike Farah Producer: Anna Wenger DP: Brian Lane Sound Mixer: Bo Sundberg Gaffer: Tony Cepero-Lopez Camera Operator: Zach Zdziebko Editor: Danny Jelinek Make-up and Hair: Shauna O'Toole Costume Designer: Aubrey Binzer 1st AD: Rachel Goldenberg PA: Liam White
[Footsteps and clinking plates]
President Bush: Good evening. Tonight, as of fourteen hundred hours military time, I can report to America, the world, and the folks here at the Sizzler Steakhouse on Canyon Ranch Road, right outside of my gate guarded community here in Dallas, Texas, where I also frequently eat lunch, that I have personally overseen a strategic and covert operation that killed the gopher that's been tearin' up my backyard.
President Bush: This gopher has been responsible for terrorizing Laura's fruit trees and diggin' up holes all over the yard, causing me to trip and fall over them no less than fifteen times a day.
President Bush: You know what? Hey, buddy, go around. Just go around.
President Bush: None of us will ever forget that day when that little sucker first reared its gopher head. I was reading Us! Magazine on the toilet when I heard a scuffle outside and ran to find my copy of, of the Dallas Morning Union Tribune Ledger Guardian Newspaper was missing.
President Bush: Then, two years ago, a reliable source, my gardener, Hilberto Dimondia, identified a head gopher who I named Ardilla, because that's Spanish for gopher. And it's also real fun to say.
President Bush>Then, last August, after years of painstaking work, by my white staff, and my Mexican staff, I was briefed on a possible lead to Ardilla.
President Bush: We found out he was hidin' deep inside a hole just one hundred yards north of the jacuzzi hot tub area.
President Bush: Today, at my direction, Hilberto Dimondia, my gardener slash guy who helps me get down from my horse, Chocolate Thunder, went in and rooted out the gopher while I watched through the blinds of my second kitchen.
President Bush: After a ferocious forty minute firefight involving a lot of hissing, a garden hose, and a rake, my staff killed Ardilla the gopher and took custody of his body.
President Bush: The gopher was buried in accordance with gopher burial traditions. He was wrapped in a bathroom mat and thrown in my neighbor's yard.
President Bush: So, I repeat, Ardilla the gopher is dead.
President Bush: God bless America. And God bless this Sizzler. Although, it would be better if this Sizzler had a taco bar. Some of them do.
Bush's Bodyguard: Sir, uh, they've killed Osama Bin Laden.
President Bush: They got Bin Laden?! Well, that's two good things!
Bush's Bodyguard: There also is a taco bar here.
President Bush: There's a taco bar here?! That's three good things! This is a great day for America! How did I miss it? Show me where it is.
Bush's Bodyguard: It's right this way.
President Bush: I don't know how I would've missed it.
Bush's Bodyguard: I know.
President Bush: I combed this place over.
Bush's Bodyguard: Yeah, I understand, sir.