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Michael Shannon channels Rebecca Martinson's insane and equally amazing letter to her Delta Gamma sorority sisters.
Published April 22, 2013 4.5m views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Michael Shannon
Directors: Danny Jelinek & Bryan Safi
Editor: Danny Jelinek
Producer: Betsy Koch
DP: Nate Cornett
AC: Shane Vader
Production Designer: Alison Koch
Hair/MU: Lauren Kaye Cohen
Sound: Ryan Kaiser
PA: Becca Sheuer
Special Thanks: Josh Zetumer & Bryna Rifkin

[Music Playing]

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in cause this e-mail is gonna be a rough fu**ing ride.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FU**ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If you're reading this right now, and saying to yourself "but oh em gee, Becca, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!"

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": then punch yourself in the face right now,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": so that I don't have to fu**ing find you on campus and do it myself.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": You have 361 days out of the fu**ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I fu**ing repeat, NOT FU**ING ONE OF THEM!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that's not fu**ing possible if you're gonna stand around, talk to each other, and not our match-up.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": NEWSFLASH YOU STUPID FU**ING CO*KS: frats don't like boring sororities!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Oh, wait, double fu**ing newsflash: Sigma Nu is not gonna want to hang out with us if we fu**ing suck!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Which, by the way, in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, we fu**ing suck so far.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": This also applies to you little sh**s that have talked openly about post-gaming at a different frat

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": in front of Sigma Nu brothers!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Are you people fu**ing retarded?

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": That's not a rhetorical question.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I literally want you to e-mail me back telling me if you're mentally slow,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": so I can make sure you don't go to any more nighttime events.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If Sigma Nu said "Yeah, we're gonna invite Zeta over",

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": would you be happy? Would you?

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": NO YOU WOULDN'T! SO, WHY THE F**K DO YOU DO IT TO THEM?

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I don't give a f**k if your boyfriend is in it.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": YOU DON'T GO!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": YOU. DON'T. GO.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": And you especially do fu**ing not convince other girls to leave with you.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": "But Becca!", you say in your whiny little bi**h voice

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": to your computer screen, "I've been cheering on all our sports teams

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": and all the sports, doesn't that count for something?"

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": NO, YOU STUPID FU**ING A**HATS, IT FU**ING DOESN'T!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": DO YOU WANT TO KNOW FU**ING WHY?

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FU**ING UP AT SOBER FU**ING EVENTS TOO!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": For example, being stupid sh**s,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": and saying stuff like "durr, what's kickball?"

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Well, it's time someone told you NO ONE FU**ING LIKES THAT!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I WILL FU**ING C**T PUNT THE NEXT PERSON I HEAR DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": AND I DON'T GIVE A F**K IF YOU S.O.R. ME,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I WILL FU**ING ASSAULT YOU.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If this e-mail applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little a**wipe

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": that stands in the corners at night,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": or if you're a weird s**t that does weird s**t during the day,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": this following message is for you: DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I'M NOT FU**ING KIDDING!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": DON'T GO!

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": If you are one of the people that have told me

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": "oh no, boo hoo, I can't talk to boys. I'm too sober."

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Then I pity you. Because I don't know how you got this far in life,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": and with that in mind, don't fu**ing show up.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Unless, you're going to stop being a G*d damn c**k-block

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fu**ing G*d,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": if I see anyone being a G*d damn boner

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Even if you're sober.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": And for those of you who are offended at this e-mail,

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": I apologize, but I really don't give a f**k.

michael="Michael" shannon="Shannon": Go f**k yourself.

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