Jonathan loves three things: Gabby Douglas, Simone Biles (but less so), and 'Game of Thrones.'

Full Credits

Starring - Jonathan Van Ness
Featuring - Bryan Safi
Also Featuring - Dave Horwitz, Matt Mazany
Director - Erin Gibson
Producers - Matt Mazany and Ross Buran
Writers - Erin Gibson, Mark Rennie, Matt Mazany
Lead Editor - Joan Ford
Editor and Graphics - Kat Palardy
Additional Editor - Ian Skalski
Director of Photography - Matt Sweeney
Production Designer - Flower Cole
Production Designer 'Gay of Straght' -Ashley Swanson
Gaffer - Eddy Scully
Make Up and Hair - Emily Rae
Sound Mixer - Ryan Kaiser

Transcript

Jonathan Van Ness: Oh my God Bryan did you see
the season finale of Game of Thrones?
Bryan Safi: I did. I was at your house.
Bryan Safi: You said we were going
to watch The Bachelorette.
-Oopsy daisy, honey did I do that?
-[laughs]
[theme song]
Jonathan Van Ness: Oh my God, so at the beginning it's the
trial of the century in Westeros,
so everyone had to get up.
♪ ♪
-You got my money?
-Later. Go away.
Bryan Safi: Bryan: I can't believe Game of Thrones
showed a successful
Bryan Safi: gay conversion during pride month.
Finn Jones: Loras: I lay with other men.
I take full responsibility,
and unburden myself with my desires.
Bryan Safi: Disgusting.
Bryan Safi: Bryan: And Vintage Mia Farrow
was serving Appletinis
Bryan Safi: and honey, everyone was getting one.
Zach Braff: John: Wow, you can
really taste the apples
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: Oh my God,
and then Baby Tonton
was Baby gone-gone.
[Goofy holler]
Bryan Safi: Bryan: And then Vintage Mia Farrow
was giving us a preview
Bryan Safi: of her upcoming memoirs.
Lena Headey: Cersei: I fuck my brother, because
it feels good to feel him inside of me.
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: And then High
guard Maggie Smith was like
Jonathan Van Ness: someone with the worse case
of OCD, after an earthquake,
Jonathan Van Ness: because she was putting
everybody in their place.
Diana Rigg: Olenna: What is your name again? Barbara?
You look like an angry little boy--
Do shut up dear. Anything from you? Good.
[bell rings]
Bryan Safi: Bryan: And then Christina and
Vintage Smith Jerrod consciously uncouple.
-Daario: Bring me with you.
-Daenerys: I can't.
Michiel Huisman: I hope it brings you happiness.
Bryan Safi: Bryan: And then Munch-munch finally wins
the hand of the queen gold medal.
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: That hug, Gabby Douglas
is going into Rio Olympics.
-What about Simone?
-What about Simone?!
Jonathan Van Ness: Honey Simone's coming to
going to ride in there honey.
-She ain't got nothing on Gabby!
-No. yes she does honey.
-No she doesn't!
-She's world champion girl.
-She's two-time world champion.
-Oh, how many Olympic Gold Medals
-does Simone Biles have?
-She's 15!
Jonathan Van Ness: Yes, so we'll see how
she handles that pressure.
-Oh, I can't wait for Simone.
-I can't wait for you to
Jonathan Van Ness: eat your little beautiful,
gay man, white person words.
Bryan Safi: I am not gay!
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: And then nobody
wanted to support Jon Snow
Jonathan Van Ness: for king until that little
miss no sunshine completely
Jonathan Van Ness: read everyone for not
respecting the rules of the phone tree.
Bella Ramsey: Lyanna: You refused the call.
Bella Ramsey: Lyanna: You refused the call.
Bella Ramsey: Lyanna: You refused the call.
[phone ringing]
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: And then Baby Bran was watching his Trivo
Jonathan Van Ness: when he stumbles upon
this old episode of Maury
Jonathan Van Ness: where he finds out that
Ned Stark is not the father.
Bryan Safi: That baby looks 100%
like Bruce Willis.
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: And then Vintage Mia Farrow
takes her seat on the throne.
Jonathan Van Ness: And then I just think of
all the violence, all the harassment,
Jonathan Van Ness: all the rape, all the shame,
all the shit that all
Jonathan Van Ness: these strong ass
ladies had to go through.
Bryan Safi: And they realized the best
thing about being a woman is
♪ The prerogative to have a little fun ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
Shania Twain: ♪ I wanna be free-yeah ♪
Shania Twain: ♪ To feel the way I feel ♪
Shania Twain: ♪ Man, I feel like a woman ♪
Shania Twain: ♪ Whoo ♪
♪ ♪
Jonathan Van Ness: You go girl.
Bryan Safi: I really can't wait for the
Divorce for Sarah Jessica Parker.
Jonathan Van Ness: Oh my God, you're serving
me Tommen realness.
Bryan Safi: Ahh! Splat.
Jonathan Van Ness: Oh, you're dead.
-Stop touching your hair so much...
-Sorry.
Bryan Safi: Where are...
Jonathan Van Ness: my dragons?
Jonathan Van Ness: Jonathan: Whoa. What's happening?
-Like that right?
-Yeah, that's really cute.
Jonathan Van Ness: You don't wanna-- Oh.
-Oh.
-[laughs]
Dude, did you watch Gay of Thrones?
Dude, is Muhammad Ali the original GOAT?
-Hell yeah.
-[laughs]
[theme music]
From the get, Long Haired
John Cena asked LeBryan James
if he's seen Game of Thrones.
Jonathan Van Ness: Oh my God Bryan did you see
the season finale of Game of Thrones?
Bryan Safi: I did.
And then Long Haired John Cena
sets up a clip from gore porn
Lord of the Rings like the
sweetest 8-iron chip shot.
Jonathan Van Ness: But just when you think she's done bartending,
Jonathan Van Ness: oh no she's not,
because she's still serving [inaudible]
Jonathan Van Ness: that horizontal house [inaudible]
-4 feet from the hole.
-That's what she said.
Dude, Long Haired
John Cena always kills it,
but he and LeBryan James
straight up decapitated the
season finale of Gay of Thrones.
-It was epic.
-Epic.
-♪ Is it ♪
-♪ What is it ♪
-♪ Is it ♪
-♪ What is it ♪
♪ You want it all but you can't have it ♪
Dude, he's so gay I love it.
-Yo, can I get real?
-Go ahead.
If you were gay,
would you bone Jonathan?
Uh, dude, that's a Jonathan Van Yes.
Dude, if I were gay I would
invite him over to my place,
have a small batch of IPA,
watch Revenant on Blu-ray,
and then we'd fuck.
[screaming, growling]
That's a cool technique.
Dude, being gay
must be so fucking rad.
It must be like being
immediately good at surfing.
-Surf's up.
-Yeah. Dicks up.
At the end when they
referenced Shania Twain,
I felt so good, it was
like I hit my bench press PR.
-What is it?
-335.
That don't impress me much.
Ah-ah, oh-oh.
I'm kidding man.
That's very impressive.
♪ ♪
Jonathan Van Ness: You go girl.
Bryan Safi: My favorite song.
-Oh hunty...
-So fierce.
Too sweet. Too sweet.
Jonathan Van Ness: Hey boys, could I join?
[shouts]
[together] Jonathan! Jonathan! Jonathan!

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