Dating is hard, especially when your girlfriend has been possessed by the soul of a demon.

Full Credits

Starring: Mena Suvari & Eli Roth
Writers/Directors/Editors- Jack Bishop & Justin Nijm
Producer- Ben Sheehan
Producer-Brianne Trosie
Production Coordinator- Ross Buran
Director of Photography- Barry Elmore
1st AC- Darren Nim
Gaffer- Blake Farnham
Best Boy- Joel Bezemer
Key Grip- Luigi Cortez
Swing- Dave Hoffman
Production Designer- Susie Mancini
Art Director- Michael Castillo
SFX Makeup- Dan Diana & Charles Wills
Hair & Makeup- Jen Osborne
Wardrobe- Jordy Scheinberg
Sound Mixer- GoPal Bidari
PA- Edgar Castillo
PA- Glenn Fellman

Transcript

(chainsaw revving)
(evil laugh is heard)
(chainsaw revving)
Eli Roth: My God Linda, what
have they done to you?
Mena Suvari: Linda's one of us
now David.
Mena Suvari: Won't you join us,
in Hell?
Eli Roth: No!
Eli Roth: Forgive me Linda.
Mena Suvari: David,
Mena Suvari: David, what's happening?
Eli Roth: Linda?
Mena Suvari: It's me David.
Mena Suvari: I'm scared.
Eli Roth: Linda.
Eli Roth: Oh my God baby,
I thought I lost you.
(vomit spewed)
(she laughs)
Mena Suvari: Oopsie.
Must've been something I ate.
Eli Roth: You're going down.
Mena Suvari: Wait, wait, David.
It's me.
Eli Roth: Seriously?
Eli Roth: You expect me to fall
for that?
Eli Roth: You literally did
that 10 seconds ago.
Mena Suvari: Yeah, but it's really
me this time.
Eli Roth: Uh-uh. No.
I call bullshit.
Eli Roth: You're trying to get my
guard down, so I'll get
Eli Roth: on my knees to kiss you,
and you can puke in my mouth
Eli Roth: again. Well it's not going to
happen lady!
Mena Suvari: Obviously, that was
just a goof.
Eli Roth: A goof?
Mena Suvari: Yeah. This was all
just a big joke to scare you.
Eli Roth: You are so fucking lying.
Mena Suvari: All your friends are in
on it. In fact, they're all
Mena Suvari: waiting in the closet
right now to surprise you.
Eli Roth: This closet?
Mena Suvari: Yeah.
Eli Roth: All my friends are waiting
in this closet, right now?
Mena Suvari: Yep.
Eli Roth: So, if I open it, they're
going to be in there?
Mena Suvari: Uh-huh.
Eli Roth: Wow. Big surprise.
No friends.
Eli Roth: Oh my God, my friends.
They're...
(spewing)
(she giggles hysterically)
Mena Suvari: I wasn't lying.
Eli Roth: That's it demon bitch.
No more games.
Eli Roth: You're not my girlfriend.
Mena Suvari: Okay wait,
Mena Suvari: wait,
Mena Suvari: you got me alright.
I'm not your girlfriend.
Mena Suvari: I'm a demon.
There. Cat's out of the bag.
Mena Suvari: Now can we be straight here
for a sec?
Mena Suvari: The truth is David, and
I feel stupid now that I'm saying
Mena Suvari: this, but
Mena Suvari: I'm kinda into you.
Eli Roth: What?
Mena Suvari: I know, it's weird,
because we've only known
Mena Suvari: each other for like one hour,
but I feel like there's
Mena Suvari: something between us.
I mean, am I crazy.
Eli Roth: Yeah.
Eli Roth: Yeah, you're fucking
nuts lady.
Mena Suvari: Hear me out!
Mena Suvari: Technically, I'm still your
girlfriend, but I'm like,
Mena Suvari: way more fun now.
Plus, you're never going to find
Mena Suvari: a girl who comes close to
understanding what we've
Mena Suvari: been through tonight.
The second the words chop your
Mena Suvari: girlfriend up with a chainsaw
come out of your mouth,
Mena Suvari: they're going to be running
for the hills pal.
Mena Suvari: I'll be good to you David.
I'll be damn good to you.
Eli Roth: (Voiceover) As I stared
into the cold dead eyes
Eli Roth: of my possessed girlfriend
I knew that she was right.
(soft piano music is played)
Eli Roth: (Voiceover) Sure, it
was a little awkward at first.
Eli Roth: Trust didn't come easy,
Eli Roth: but as time went on, the
horrifying memories began to fade,
Eli Roth: and were soon replaced by happier
ones.
Eli Roth: Come on honey, push!
Push, push!
(she's screaming)
(the sound of a baby crying)
(sound of the baby spewing)
Eli Roth: I'm going to miss you son.
Eli Roth: (Voiceover) Our love grew stronger
with each passing year.
(spewing sound)
Eli Roth: (Voiceover) Finally, I decided
there was no reason
Eli Roth: to keep my dearest Linda
restrained any longer.
Eli Roth: I can safely say I now
trust Linda more than
Eli Roth: anyone in my entire...
Mena Suvari: Ah! Holy shit. I'm free.
Mena Suvari: Sweet Jesus, I thought I would
never get out of this life.
Mena Suvari: Ah! My knees.
Eli Roth: But baby, we're in love.
Mena Suvari: Oh please. It's called a long con, dumb-dumb.
Mena Suvari: I figured it would probably
take a year, maybe two, but
Mena Suvari: a fucking lifetime.
Mena Suvari: You're sick dude.
Mena Suvari: Keep your soul.
I'm out.
Eli Roth: Linda.
Eli Roth: Linda wait...
(you hear bones crack)
Eli Roth: Linda.
Eli Roth: Linda.
Eli Roth: Linda.
Eli Roth: Linda.
(he whines)
Eli Roth: Noo!
Eli Roth: Linda come back baby.
Eli Roth: Come back!
Linda!
(he whines)
Eli Roth: Lind...
Eli Roth: Baby. Baby
you're back.
Mena Suvari: I forgot my glasses.
Eli Roth: Noo!

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