Stan Lee: Private Stan Lee, reporting for duty! And proud to be a cameo artist!
Stan Lee: Hello, Academy. It's Stan Lee here. I wanna talk about a serious problem with the Oscars. I haven't won one. You know, the Oscars have turned a blind eye to my body of work as a cameo artist. I don't know. People think that cameos are fluff and nonsense. Dead wrong!
Stan Lee: Every boy wants to be a superhero, right? Not me. I wanted to be a cameo actor. They're the real heroes. Everything must be encapsulated into one golden moment. One line. It's the hardest kind of acting there is. Indulge me for a moment.
Stan Lee: You know, I guess one person can make a difference.
Stan Lee: Walk on, drop the moral lesson of the whole film, walk off. Boom!
Male Actor: You look great, Hef.
Stan Lee: How did they get Hugh Hefner? That was me! I'll give you a second to put your brain back in your skull.
Stan Lee: Do you have any idea how unnatural it is to just let go of a glass bottle? I've got a letter here written by Sir Lawrence Olivier and Shia LaBeouf. Now, those guys might have some pull with the Academy, right? Let me read it to you.
Stan Lee: Most actors are pansies. They're pretty know-nothing's who say words they barely understand. Not so, the cameo artist. The cameo artist is humble. He creates joy in the hearts of the audience, and he exits gracefully. A film without a cameo is dead inside. Signed, Larry and Shia.
Stan Lee: There you have it. You know, you can take the actors out of a movie, and it still works. You can't cut the cameo without killing the flick. Let's fix the Oscars by adding a best cameo category. You know, I think it would be a good choice to close the show.
Scarlett O'Hara: Where shall I go? What shall I do?
Rhett Butler: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Stan Lee: But, you should give a damn. About the cameo artist. Drape man here to fix the drapes! Damn, that was good!