Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis

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The video opens with a title that read BETWEEN TWO FERNS with ZACH GALIFIANAKIS. The titles fade to reveal Zach Galifianakis and John Hamm sitting between two ferns.

Zach Galifianakis: Hi, my name is Zach Galifianakis and this is another edition of between two ferns. I’m your host, Zach Galifianakis

Text appears below Zach Galifianakis that reads ZACH GALIFIANAKIS HOST.

Zach Galifianakis: And my guest today is John Hamm.

John Hamm: Hi.

Zach Galifianakis: Am I saying that right?

John Hamm: Yeah.

Zach Galifianakis: My guest is John Hamm. He’s on a show called Mad Men on AMC.

Text appears below John Hamm that reads:

JOHN HAMM
ACTOR
“THE MAD MEN”

Zach Galifianakis: Which, um, AMC. What’s that stand for?

John Hamm: It doesn’t stand for anything anymore. They just call it AMC.

Zach Galifianakis: Oh, OK.

John Hamm: It’s like KFC.

Zach Galifianakis: That stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken.

John Hamm: Not anymore.

Zach Galifianakis: Who says that?

John Hamm: They don’t call themselves that anymore.

Zach Galifianakis: The next thing is that you’re going to tell me that the KKK doesn’t mean anything to you.

John Hamm: Well.

Zach Galifianakis: You’re in The Day the Earth Stood Still.

John Hamm: Yes.

Zach Galifianakis: Why?

John Hamm: That’s a good question.

Zach Galifianakis: I don’t like to make fun of people’s last names because my last name is funny sounding, but does it get on your nerves when people make jokes about your last name?

John Hamm: Well, it’s, you know, it’s sort of easy.

Zach Galifianakis: Is your middle name honey-baked? Have you ever thought about, for show business, changing your name from John Hamm to something like John Sausage or Stewart Turkeylink?

John Hamm stares, silently, at Zach Galifianakis. Zach Galifianakis touches an Easy button and turkey noises are heard.

Zach Galifianakis: Mad Men is a show about people in their early sixties?

John Hamm: Um, no, it’s set in the early Sixties.

Zach Galifianakis: Oh, it’s not people in their sixties.

John Hamm: No, no, no. That’s a different show.

Zach Galifianakis shows John Hamm some written notes.

Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, but my, this uh, says about people in their early sixties.

John Hamm: That just says, do you like websites?

Zach Galifianakis: Do you like websites?

John Hamm: Sure. Yeah.

Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, I heard that you like websites.

John Hamm: Where did you hear that?

Zach Galifianakis: On a website. So tell me about Madmen, Mad Men.

John Hamm: Well, it’s a great show. We’re really proud of it. Like I said, it’s set in the 1960’s, in the advertising world, in Manhattan. And, uh…

John Hamm trails off as he watches Zach Galifianakis repeatedly check his watch.

Zach Galifianakis: The women in the show are very pretty.

John Hamm: Yes. Very much so.

Zach Galifianakis: Do you ever get around to fingering any of them?

John Hamm: You mean, like, identifying them in a lineup?

Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, identify them in a lineup. I know what you mean.

Zach Galifianakis makes a crude hand gesture mimicking grabbing a woman’s breast while touching her genitals.

Zach Galifianakis: I understand that you won a Golden Globe award.

John Hamm: I did.

Zach Galifianakis: I’ll mark that under who gives a shit. Does it make you sick when you look in the mirror to see how handsome you are and to know that people are disfigured and don’t you think you should think that?

John Hamm: I never really thought of it that way.

Zach Galifianakis: You never thought, hey, why is Jesus so cruel?

John Hamm: Oh, I’ve thought that.

Zach Galifianakis: How many seasons do you think Mad Men will go to?

John Hamm: Well, most shows on cable they don’t do a big…

Zach Galifianakis sneezes loudly.

John Hamm: Do you want a tissue or something?

Zach Galifianakis sneezes onto John Hamm.

Zach Galifianakis: Oh God, I’m sorry.

Zach Galifianakis sneezes onto John Hamm twice more.

Zach Galifianakis: I’m allergic to ferns.

The shot cuts back to the title.