Announcer: He’s the oldest celebrity in the world.
Announcer: Like, super old
Announcer: Old enough to remember when dancing was a sin.
Announcer: And beer was served in a bucket.
Announcer: But is he ready to lead?
Paris Hilton: Hey America, I’m Paris Hilton and I’m a celebrity too.
Paris Hilton: Only, I’m not from the olden days and I’m not promising change like that other guy.
Paris Hilton: I’m just hot.
Paris Hilton: But then that wrinkly, white haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I’m running for President.
Paris Hilton: So thanks for the endorsement white haired dude and I want America to know that I’m like totally ready to lead
Paris Hilton: And now I want to present my energy policy for America. Just as soon as I finish reading this article on where I can fly to-to get the best tan.
Paris Hilton: Oh, Maui, loves it. (she puts down magazine.) Ok, so here’s my energy policy. Barack wants to focus on new technologies to cut foreign oil dependency and McCain wants offshore drilling. Well, why don’t we do a hybrid of both candidates’ ideas? We can do limited offshore drilling, with strict environmental oversight, while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in, which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved. I’ll see you at the debates, bi(beep)es. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick out a Vice President. I’m thinking Rihanna. I’ll see you at the White House. Oh, and I might paint it pink. I hope that’s cool with you guys. Bye.
Paris Hilton: I’m Paris Hilton and I approve this message because I think it’s totally hot.