WHACKO-TV's Dr. Nancy Fingerman is very interested in helping solve the... more »

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Stats & Data

August 11, 2010


Hello there, I’m Dr. Nancy Fingerman and I want to tell you about a great new medical breakthrough.
According to the CDC in Atlanta, the percentage of those people considered to be obese is 26.7%
Among states, the prevalence of adult obesity ranged from 18.6% in Colorado (there’s no air there, of course) to the high in the great big barbeque state of Mississippi at 34.4%.
But American ingenuity has always been one of our strong points. And now, through the research labs at FINGERMAN UNIVERSITY, we have come up with a way to help over-weight people and strike out against our dependence on oil.
First, we have to harvest the natural resources right at our fingertips.

Then the fat is hauled to one of our many processing centers to be converted from unwanted pounds to fuel for our cars. As you can see in this diagram, we are able to refine many products out of each shipment of our greatest resource.
And of course, we awarded our contract to the best oil company in the world. PHAT GAS. Now we can solve the oil crisis, lower the risk of pollution and deal with our national obesity problem, head on.
So keep eating these, so we can get this: